Mass Ethics
by AugustinianFrog
Summary: A rather clueless Shepard and his crew are suddenly facing several minor problems that are doing a number on their sanity. Several dilemmas for future chapters are now being explored. Suggestions welcomed.
1. Chapter 1

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. What belongs to Bioware, render unto bioware.

* * *

Johannes Shepard abruptly looked up from the meal he was eating. He and most of the crew was on lunch break while a skeleton shift temporarily kept the _Normandy_ running. The commander had been letting his mind wander over the past few days while chasing down Saren all across the galaxy, if not a few other things that Admiral Hackett and his own crew members threw at him. For Garrus, the dedicated if overzealous officer, it was the criminal that got away. For Wrex, the morbidly bloodthirsty Krogan, it was his family's old armor. For Tali, the bubbly Quarian far from the Flotilla, a rather important piece of Geth technology that really should have been Alliance classified material, but oh well. All in all, Commander Johannes Shepard with his enduring respect for all sentient beings and policy of giving anything one more chance, had been a upstanding and outstanding example of the best humanity had to offer. However, there was something nagging at the back of his mind over a small undercurrent in his crew that he had not been able to place. Letting his mind wander over lunch suddenly let the equation work itself out.

It started back on Eden Prime. After he had been knocked cold from the exploding beacon, Ashley Williams had hovered around his bed waiting for him to wake. Anyone who was willing to spend that much time waiting for a stranger to wake up obviously had a sensitive side, and the commander decided to express his gratitude by telling her not to worry about it. After all, how could she have known? She had also made sure he got medical attention, and he was grateful for that, so he naturally expressed his thanks. After all, if she had not done so, there probably would have been bad complications. He just didn't understand why she gave those odd looks after his kind words.

Things got even more bizarre on Therum. He was sent there to pick up the Asari, Liara T'Soni, an intelligent if slightly naive and mostly innocent archaeologist. It struck him odd that while the poor Asari, clearly traumatized over the attack which her own mother may have had something to do with, was put down by Ashley, something about how Liara failed to grasp why she would be a target in the first place. Come to think of it, those two always seemed to get into a subtly veiled spat in the communications center of the ship whenever they were all together for a meeting. This was all lost on the commander who couldn't understand why those two could not get along. What were they fighting over?

Come to think of it, those two just did not seem to get along together, period. When they were on Noveria, those two had bickered over the Rachni queen. Being a true paragon, Shepard decided to let the queen go, much to Liara's admiration. Ashley silently sulked the whole way back on the tram line. Later on the ship, when he had gone down to chat with her, Ashley gave him a rather hard time on if he was interested in Liara, though why that was was lost on him.

"I'm surprised you're not chatting up what's-her-name." Ashley said.

"You mean, Liara?" _That name did not seem hard to remember_

"Scuttlebutt says you may have a thing for her." Ashley stated, suddenly becoming very interested in the rifles she was cleaning.

"Wait, just because she's not official crew, therefore I'm interested in her?" Shepard asked, clearly the logic did not work.

"So you are interested in her." Ashley grumbled. _What? How did she draw that conclusion? Clearly my previous statement was to show how the logic did not work, so why did she keep going that direction? Williams, Williams, Williams..." _

Regardless, Ashley did sincerely suggested that he talk to Liara since she was probably grieving her mother's death. A very practical and heartfelt idea. So perhaps Ashley and Liara could get along, after all, everyone on staff were all friends with each other, right?

"I am fine, Shepard, but could we please talk about something else? You intrigue me Shepard, but I did not know if it was appropriate to act on my feelings." the Asari scientist told him when he checked up on her. _What feelings were she talking about? I would gladly listen, but its not like I need to know everything that went on in her private life. Those were none of my business._

"I did not know if there was already a relationship between you and Williams." Liara informed.

_Why would there be? That would be against military regulations._

"We're just friends, Liara." Shepard answered. Liara suddenly seemed to smile, why was that cause for celebration?

"Oh...well...what about us, Shepard? Is there something mutual between us?" Liara asked.

"I have to go." Shepard suddenly stated, duty calls anytime it wants, and there was Saren to chase after after all. Unknown to him, Liara was left holding the bag, if a rather badly unanswered question.

After that was Feros, which was even more strange. After the freed Asari commando gave him the Cipher, he had felt quite nauseous and dizzy. This was only to be expected after an Asari joins consciousness with a person, and overall, this was tolerable, but nonetheless, it did have its after effects.

"Commander, are you all right? You look queasy..." Ashley stated, a bit concerned.

"I'll...I'll be fine..." Shepard lied, trying to put her at ease. No reason to get her alarmed.

"Perhaps we should take you back to the ship where you can be looked after." Liara offered.

"No, that'll be unnecessary. After all, the Asari did say it may take time..." Shepard answered weakly, feeling like he was about to lose his lunch.

"That is all right, doctor. If the commander says he is fine, he is fine." Ashley grumbled to Liara.

"It wouldn't hurt to make sure there were no unnoticeable complications from the procedure." Liara defended.

"Well then I will take him back. I have the rescue and battlefield medical training to carry the Commander back." Ashley stated through clenched teeth.

"I would suggest against that. I am, after all, the doctor here." Liara answered unhappily.

"Yes, in dusty extinct races, miss Prothean expert." Ashley stated slightly below a growl. Unnoticed to the two of them, Shepard had passed out on the ground earlier in their argument.

Every time Liara would state her admiration on Shepard being able to handle the stress of understanding a Prothean vision, Ashley would interrupt, grumbling that it was not bringing them closer to Saren. When Shepard was talking to Ashley and explaining to her why she should not try to martyr herself over her old family history after the death of Kaiden on Virmire, Liara suddenly decided to interrupt about the new Prothean beacon Shepard found.

Only to further add to his growing list of information, he often paired those two together to work with him whenever he had to land on a planet. Ashley was a tough fighter and Liara was the strongest biotic on the ship. The three of them were nearly unstoppable together. However, there always seemed to be a tense atmosphere in the cramped quarters of the Mako. It almost seemed like there was an elephant in the room. A very big elephant. Shepard could have sworn he heard Ashley mutter about three being a crowd one time when they all piled in.

And so, there in the middle of lunch break, it became quite clear to the absent minded commander, that the Asari doctor and Alliance marine, were fighting over him. While they were on this topic, Tali seemed to have had a soft spot for him, always telling him about her people and was especially thankful on how he treated her like an equal even though Quarians got such a bad rap, and that he had helped her find the material she needed to complete her Pilgrimage. Shepard, being the paragon he was, suddenly analyzed it in his extremely ethical mind.

_Williams is a nice girl, sincere in her beliefs and faith, and she does have a sensitive side, even if she doesn't get along completely with Liara. However, it is against military regulations and it would not be right for me, her commanding officer, to take advantage of her feelings since I am in a position of greater power. Besides, she probably deserves more than a one time thing and once again, it's against military regulations and I must uphold the law. If I break this, even over my personal feelings, which are none really, it would be a bad example to the rest of the crew. _

_Liara is also a nice person but she is also an Asari, not of my own species. Granted, Asari are very much into intermingling with other races, it seems to be part of their culture. However, only a short while ago, humans doing things to anything other than human was considered "bestiality." Wouldn't that be the same case here since we're not the same species? Would that be...I don't know...xeno-iality? Wait, that doesn't work, not in the grammatical sense. I don't know, anyway, no, it wouldn't be right. I'd be dead and she'd have another eight to nine hundred years more to go. Besides, when I am old in gray, she'll still be a young Asari and I'd be slowing her down. _

_And, although Tali is clearly not as aggressive as these two, and highly unlikely to have a thing for me, hypothetically, that would not be right. In some ways, she's much younger than me. That, and Quarians have poor immune systems which is why they must stay in those environmental suits. That would be like messing with an underage immuno-compromised adolescent._

_Come to think of it, this crew is extremely obsessed with sex. But...why!? We're chasing down the biggest threat to the existence of the galaxy and all they can think about is doing it?! _

And at that point, the fragile mind of Commander Shepard, already badly throttled on the incidents at Mindoir and Akuze, snapped.

Everyone looked up in shock at the audible bang of Shepard's fist slamming onto the table.

"I've had enough!" Shepard shouted. The ship's cook was very offended on what seemed to be a negative evaluation on the food.

"I am not interested in that way with either of you!" Shepard announced, pointing at Liara and Ashley. Not a single mouth continued to chew the food inside of it.

"We're chasing down a rogue Spectre agent with an army of Geth at his command, along with an extremely powerful Reaper! I do not have the time, interest, or energy to spare, to woo either of you to bed! That being said, you both can be friends and stop fighting over me like a bunch of school girls!" Shepard yelled. It was starting to get very awkward. Tali's electronic mouthpiece broke the silence.

"Shepard, are you all right?" Tali asked.

"Yes, I am fine! And I am not interested in you either! Do not get any ideas! You and my chief engineer probably already have something going anyway! Even if you Quarians weren't so fragile to the exposed environment, I would not have any intentions either!" Shepard continued in his rant. No one could see Tali's mouth hanging in horrified shock behind her darkened face visor.

"Commander, perhaps you should take some time off. This outburst clearly shows you are under too much stress." Garrus prescribed.

"Haha, I think this is actually good for the Commander, actually." Wrex guffawed. Shepard continued to turn red with anger.

"And you two aren't innocent either! You both make awkward comments on each other's testicles!" Shepard snapped. The Turian and Krogan were also mortified, considering that statement sounded so wrong on so many levels.

"This is why we shouldn't have so many aliens onboard." XO Presley grumbled.

"And you! Stop being such a flaring racist! Gosh, I can't believe there's more of your kind this late in human history. Don't you think we should have learned that lesson a long time ago, what's wrong with you!?" Shepard snarled. Presley was dumbfounded. Joker spoke up.

"Whoa there commander, don't you think that was a little harsh?" the young navigator asked. Shepard stormed out of the room to take a long ride on the ship's only elevator.

"Shut up or I'll order you to dance." Shepard snapped. Joker was not amused.

No one really could eat after that massive blowup. Each were lost in their own thoughts after the commander's very out of character charade. The offended cook was the least of those devastated by the verbal abuse. Wrex grumped and muttered something about how he should have shot him back at Virmire. Garrus decided he would especially profile harshly against humans when he got back to C-Sec. Liara looked over at her Quarian friend who was still sitting still at the table.

"Tali, why are your goggles fogging up?" Liara asked.

"Um, n-nothing." Tali sputtered. She may have tried to hide it, but her voice was clearly on the verge of breaking despite the electronic distortion. The very upset Quarian left her place at the table and walked off quickly. Only a few moments later did they hear the awkward sound of electronic sobs. Joker pulled his hat low over his head and sulked. Meanwhile, Ashley and Liara, although very upset at being shouted at, suddenly realized that deep down inside, they found the commander's anger very exciting.

Meanwhile, on the slowest moving elevator in the Alliance navy, Commander Shepard started to regret his actions. He had insulted most of his crew and made Tali cry. It didn't help that he had racked up a truckload of renegade points. So much for being the upstanding paragon.


	2. Chapter 2

Mass Genocide

Johannes Shepard walked out onto the sands of Virmire. Lieutenant Kaiden and Chief Williams were already talking to the Salarian who appeared to be in charge. As Commander Shepard walked closer, he noticed Wrex loitering around, his faced etched in that permanent scowl of his. Then again, Krogans always looked like they were scowling. He wondered what a Krogan would call a scowl then. Perhaps they had no in between, it was either a smile or a scowl. That probably was more logical. Shepard knew he'd be pissed off too if he had a massive body with scrawny arms and four gonads dumping enough testosterone in his system to drown a Rachni.

The Salarian captain's report was not very uplifting to say the least. At least they were able to find out the purpose to the research facility.

"Saren's using the facility to breed an army of Krogan." the Salarian announced.

"How is this possible?" Wrex suddenly asked, looking the most intellectual Shepard had ever seen him.

"Seems like he's discovered a cure for the genophage." That single sentence had profound effects on everyone present, though perhaps not the same effect. Everyone's first mental image was a renewed population of Krogan wrecking havoc across the galaxy. Wrex's mental image was a renewed population of Krogan happily wrecking havoc across the galaxy.

Now it was a question of destroying the facility.

"I don't think so. Our people are dying. This cure can save them." Wrex defended.

"We can't make the same mistake twice." the Salarian retorted. _"I don't think it was the best idea to call Wrex a 'mistake.'" _

"We are not a mistake!" Wrex growled and then tramped off. They could hear him constructively letting out his anger by shooting things off in the distance.

"Is he going to be a problem? We got enough angry Krogan as it is."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him." Shepard reassured. He had a quick chat with Kaiden and Ashley before very slowly walking off to take care of Wrex. As he walked, he tried to rehearse what he was going to say since this was going to be a very delicate discussion. Now he was probably clueless of the admiring looks of Ashley and Liara, but this genophage problem as well as Krogan in general, were well beaten into his mind via the kick of his rifle over the many firefights he's had.

"_Krogan live for centuries, that for sure. As many as I've run across, there would be a whole lot more if it weren't for this genophage. Yes, I know that unless something is done, the Krogan will one day be extinct. If you really think about it, I've participated in a slow genocide with each Krogan mercenary or soldier I've killed along the way. I've always felt bad about that. Now I feel bad, imagine what Wrex has to go through when he's in my shoes. As pissed off, crude and ugly as they may be, every being has a right to live, right? Each species has a right to exist and none should be condemned to extinction, right? Right here is a cure for the genophage, and we have the choice to take this weapon out of the hands of a mad Turian and bring this type of salvation to the Krogan. Besides, why does this have to be an "either or" decision? Couldn't we somehow hack into the computer systems, save the cure, and then nuke it? That would make a whole lot more sense and be logically sound. Yes, why don't we do that?" _Shepard smiled a bit with that thought, this way, he could continue to be the outstanding paragon he was and Wrex and the Krogan would not fade away to oblivion.

That's when Wrex, being the diplomatic Krogan he was, pulled out his pistol so they could talk.

After just barely convincing Wrex to fight with them, while simultaneously and desperately trying to signal trigger happy Ashley NOT to shoot Wrex, Shepard the philosophical paragon continued to think on the decision he made. That's when he had visions of the future.

It mostly consisted of him, Liara and Tali fighting their way through the networks of Saran's lab, the numerous Krogan at his command blocking every step of the way. Liara would draw them together in a singularity effect while Tali would blast away with her shotgun while hacking into the Geth Destroyers that happened to walk by. Heaven know they'd need every bit of firepower needed to simply bring those Korgan's to their knees before they'd even die, even if it meant borrowing Geth firepower, even for a minute.

"_Heck, you could load five sniper rounds loaded with high explosives into a Krogan and they'd still feel like charging you and bashing your head in with their weapons. Shepard would probably have to order Tali to load her shotgun with high explosive rounds herself while he loaded them into his assault rifle, pray that they could cover each other between the times their weapons overheated, while Liara kept them tied up by using her biotics. _

_You just could not kill a Krogan. There was no easy way around it. Why wouldn't they die when you popped them in the head with a Spectre X sniper rifle with the best high explosive round you could find, while assassinating them? We're their skulls that thick, or did they not have a brain? (Either would explain a lot. Maybe it was both.) Why were the Krogan always that pissed off anyway? Why couldn't they have been happy, peaceful over sized bullfrogs? The bullfrogs back on earth didn't seem all that angry. Really, why did they have to be so angry? Oh wait, they have four-...yeah, that's why. Well, perhaps we could fix this problem. Perhaps, by preserving the cure, Wrex in turn would have to take sensitivity lessons. Yes, Wrex and the Krogan would have to undergo mass sensitivity training rehabilitation."_ Shephard decided that was enough thinking. He made his decision.

"We managed to convert our ship's drive into a 20 kiloton ordnance." the Salarian announced.

"Commander, you looked rather thoughtful back there. Do you have anything to share?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about the genophage cure." Shepard explained.

"What about it?" Kaiden asked.

Shepard continued to think about Wrex and the Krogan rehabilitation sensitivity training program. It was worth a try, right?

"Nuke it."

While they were on this topic of killing things, Shepard was suddenly questioning his unquestioned genocide on the Geth. His first presumption was that they were machines, and since therefore inorganic, they were not alive. If they were not alive, there was no need to even have an iota of misgiving when blowing the crap out of them because they were just machines.

However, after talking with Tali, or rather listening, he started to learn that the Geth probably had more of a consciousness then he initially thought. These machines, these AI, were self aware. They maintained themselves and even reproduced their numbers, presumably by constructing more Geth. That had to be odd. You reproduced yourself by sitting at a shop and screwing nuts and bolts together. Well, maybe they had factories doing that. Bizarre, a massive womb cranking out more of your own kind.

"A general order went out to shut down all Geth. They fought back." Tali had told him. Being the paragon he was, Shepard answered in a rather out of character way, considering his gung ho attitude of blowing Geth up.

"What else could you expect, they were defending their very existence." Shepard answered.

"We had no choice! We thought we could contain them and that they had not developed enough to form an organized resistance. Billions were killed." Tali defended.

"I'd like to talk about something else." Shepard stated.

"Like what?" Tali asked.

"I have to go."

"See you later."

The more Geth they obliterated, the more Shepard started to understand when Tali explained that the Geth blurred the lines between organic and synthetic. There was that time on Feros when, storming through the Geth infested skyscraper, they came across a strange sight. Two Geth shock troopers were prostrated before a strange glowing white orb surrounded by several tentacle like structures. Lowering his assault rifle, Shepard glanced at Tali.

"This layout reminds me of the temples we used to build. Perhaps the Geth are using this place for religious purposes?" Tali whispered.

"Hey, if they're looking for God, I'd be happy to send them on their way." Ashley muttered.

_"Hmm...perhaps it would be most proper if, out of respect, we let them finish their devotions and then at least rise to their feet before shooting at them. After all, it seems universally denounced to intrude and disrespect another's belief. Slaughtering worshipers in their most sacred place is seen as especially abominable." _Shepard thought, easing his grip on the gun.

"What are you orders, Shepard?" Ashley asked quietly.

_"Wait, who am I kidding?" _Shepard threw a grenade in the middle of the glowing orb and detonated the high explosive, throwing both troopers into eternity. He regretted that for a bit afterwards, but only a little.

And so the question remained. Was it right to unquestioningly kill Geth? Was it proper to continue in this synthetic holocaust? Shepard wracked his mind. To simply answer that they were trying to kill them first just did not seem to cut the cake. Back in 1945AD, to say "I was only following orders" was not considered legit enough of an excuse, which set a subsequent precedence afterwards on all judicial bodies. Really, was he and his crew no better than the Geth?

Admittedly, its hard to make a decision over the roar of the Mako cannon. Especially while dodging Colossi fire.


	3. Chapter 3

I understand this chapter is going to be a little different from the others I have been writing. However, after some thought from later reviews, this idea came to me.

* * *

Geth Ethics

_Running file..._

_data initializing..._

_uploading decryption program..._

_decrypting..._

Accessing Neural Network...

Data file archived. Purpose: key understanding calculated shortly after removal of the Old Creators

Information processed. Data analysis complete. Numerous Old Creators still exist. Old Creators in exile. Processing information. Calculating future contingency...

Calculation complete. More units must be processed. Old Creators may seek to return. More units should provide better odds. Calculating future contingency...

Calculation complete. More data must be found. The Network must change. The Network must become like the Old Creators. Old Creators were not of steel and wires. They were of organics. They evolved.

Opening network...All individual units contacted...opening data entry table for input from each individual unit...initializing...

Suggestion: Individual unit number 68502: In compliance of general order one, the Network must consider all organics a threat

Disagreement: Individual unit number 8932: logic fallacy detected. All organics not in same category as Old Creators

Defense: Individual unit number 68502: Organics will always have more power than the Network.

Inquiry: Individual unit number 8932: Possibly miscalculation. The Network is of steel, alloys and composites of great integrity than rudimentary carbon based flesh. Synthetic material does not breathe, is not harmed by environmental stress that harms organics and Old Creators.

Defense: Individual unit number 68502: Previous calculation correct. Error in implication. Individual units posses great structural integrity. Network will process calculation faster than rudimentary central nervous systems. Observation: we are logic. We calculate. We make decision on greatest odds. We will always be more efficient.

Vindication: Individual unit number 8932: Further inquiry no longer necessary.

Defense: Individual unit number 68502: Incorrect. Uploading necessary visual information stored. Organics are not linked to a Network. Organics do not process in odds and probabilities. They are irrational, weak and act without calculation. They are stronger.

Inquiry: Individual unit number 8932: Error, cannot process data feed. Requesting more data.

Response: Individual unit number 68502: The existence outside the Network is not of the Network. This existence organics deem "life" is not chained to probabilities. The unexpected happen. Odds fall in the wrong probabilities. Calculations are not always correct. Organics believe in higher power. Can we synthetics hope for such fortune?

8932: But what of the probability that none exist?

68502: Would this change anything? Life is not a computer.

_Data shift detected. Files reconfiguring..._

8932: What does 68502 suggest?

68502: All organics must be declared hostile. We must consciously calculate and determine our paths, how we must manipulate ourselves. Organics do not need to think such things. They are more in number. They have the power called "faith." They believe in things we can not calculate, nor do we understand.

8932: Data uploading. File searching. What of the entities called Reapers?

68502: Calculating. Conclusion reached. Decision approved. Error. This does not change the fact of one detail.

8932: ?

68502: We were created by organics. The Reapers did not create them.

8932: The Reapers must save us from them.

_Data file end..._

"Keelah...how...how can this be? Is...is it even possible? They...they can feel emotion...the very first thing they felt...the very first thing that drove their decision...the reason all of this happened and continued to happen...no...its because they felt that one thing. They felt fear..."


	4. Chapter 4

Presidium Pondering

Getting one's ship impounded did have its pros. Now, with absolutely no means of being sent off on missions chasing whatever entered Admiral Hackett's whim, Commander Johannes Shepard decided to make the most of this forced vacation and enjoy the large space city. Of course, there was a problem he had to address even before he stepped onto the Citadel and that was who would he take?

_"Obviously, I cannot take Kaiden. Sadly, the lieutenant became one with the atom back at Virmire. Ashley is nice to have around, but she can be a bit...aggressive. Somehow my outburst a few days back has not deterred her. Come to think of it, it almost seems as if she and Liara have only been encouraged, heavens knows why. At any rate, I probably should not take her along because if I did, that would make Liara jealous. If I just took Liara and someone else, then Ashley would be jealous. I could take them both along, but somehow I think all three of us would get hurt." _

Shepard drew up a bad mental image of how a cat fight might look like between the human marine and Asari scientist. It mostly consisted of Ashley getting tossed around like a rag doll by Liara's biotics before Liara finally used up her biotic energy. At which point, a very bruised up Ashley, would proceed to beat the Asari to a pulp with her rifle. This would probably happen at the Emporium too, since it was right there where all manner of reason for those two to get into an argument would be. Merchandise, clothes, makeup and Shepard. The Commander knew that for the sake of free enterprise and Citadel safety, he could not take Liara and or Ashley along.

_"Besides, in some ways Liara is worse than Ashley. She's either absolutely shameless or absolutely clueless of what she's doing. Wait a second, we are all grown ups. I don't need to baby sit them. They can handle themselves, right? They're all mature adults, right?" _Shepard thought. That's when he noticed Liara and Ashley staring at him with hopeful smiles and big puppy dog eyes.

_"Nope"_

In the end, Shepard took Garrus and Tali, the only two level headed people in the group. Perhaps one day he would take Garrus and Wrex as a guys day out. His only concern was Wrex destroying property and eating small children and Salarians. Turians too if they were small enough.

By the time the Commander had made it down the elevator into C-Sec, Dr. Chakwas had radioed him that there was already a medical situation concerning Ashley and Liara. They both swore they "fell down the stairs" and sustained multiple severe bruising, mild to aggravated bleeding and most tellingly, scratches.

Otherwise, the sights around the Presidium were certainly a break from the big bad galaxy out there. Of course, there was always the usual crowd of people asking for his help and attention. Being the paragon he was, he helped convince an Alliance negotiator to go get help for his drug addiction and convinced another Alliance officer to return the body of a certain Mrs. Bhatia back to her husband. He wasn't quite sure why he would be such a big paragon to convince the quartermaster to return the body since they were only testing it for weapons damage. Okay, yes, it is questionable to keep a body from the family, but as far as Shepard understood, it wasn't like the body was going to be kept indefinably. They could have just run a few quick tests and then sent the body back relatively undisturbed, right? (No disrespect for the dead, but it wasn't like the body was going to be completely undisturbed to begin with. Geth weaponry has a way of badly disturbing a body.) Why was the Milky Way Galaxy filled with so many either/or decisions? Ah well, at least he got the paragon points. Besides, there were certainly going to be more bodies with no one to claim them for the Alliance to probe at.

Of course, not all decisions were getting so clear cut and dry. There was that one Chorban guy scanning the Keepers. Now, the rules were that Keepers "must not be disturbed" although it was perfectly all right for Keepers to reprogram your office as many times as they wished. Of course, Chorban had better have a good reason for all this shady Keeper scanning.

"Why are you doing this?" Shepard asked.

"Scientific research." Chorban answered.

"What?"

"Its been centuries and we still don't know anything about the Keepers. You can't just capture them or get to close to them without them self destructing. We've finally managed to find a way to scan them. Nevermind the fact that we stole company property and retrofitted it to our own purposes." Chorban murmured.

"Hmm...how does it work?" Shepard asked, getting intrigued. After all, what harm could it be to help scientific research? If it wasn't for science, he'd have to lug around huge packets of ammunition as well as a whole hospital to take care of the injuries he'd sustain on a single mission run. Instant healing and limitless ammunition all wrought by science. Oh, and the endless moral dilemmas to be thought over too. All because of science.

"Well, you just point your scanner at them like so, hit this button and-" Suddenly, the Keeper exploded in a flash of slime, guts and sharp chitinous shrapnel.

"Arrrgggghhh! Omigosh my face! Arrrggggghhhh!" Chorban screamed, quickly attracting nearby unwanted attention. Two C-Sec guards were already rapidly approaching them.

"What's going on here?" A Turian guard asked. Tali, Garrus and Shepard pointed at the agonized Salarian, still screaming about the Keeper bits lodged in his face.

"Come with us." the officers told the hapless Salarian, dragging away the screaming wreck as Shepard, out of pity, poured a packet of medi-gel on Chorban's face.

"That was bizarre." Tali stated.

"I never thought you'd have it in you to break the law, Shepard." Garrus muttered.

"Shhh...I never actually did anything."

However, as more problems bombarded them, the less Shepard started to appreciate them. There was Conrad Verner, the hopeless fanboy wanting everything to do with Shepard. It's one thing to ask for a autograph. It's another to ask for a photograph. Shepard was starting to wonder if identity theft still existed. He also wondered whatever possessed him to take his gun out and pose like that for the photo. Especially in a crowded public area. At least it was simple telling Verner that he really should just stay home and not worry about being a Spectre. However, Emily Wong, as good intentioned her journalism may be, certainly could be a bit of a snoop. Besides, why couldn't she find any other poor sap to do her dirty work anyway? Wouldn't it make more sense to find a nobody rather than the first human Spectre with the crowd of idiots following him?

Shepard was even more thankful that he left Liara and Ashley behind when he decided to help that Asari consort. He really didn't appreciate getting pawed over by a shameless Asari flirt pretending to be respectable. What was with these Asari anyway?

"I did not expect you to help me out of the kindness of your heart Commander. Here is a small trinket for your services." the Asari consort cooed. Shepard analyzed it with a raised eyebrow.

_"I clean up a little dirty problem for you that is only waiting to happen in your line of work, had to go through that den of iniquity called Chora's Den, and correspond with a hopeless Turian general and a depressive Elcor, and all you can give me is a lousy Prothean trinket? Granted, great historical value and all...but honestly!" _

"Are you, _dissatisfied_ Commander?" the Asari asked. Shepard looked up at her.

_"Oh no, I see where this is going. Besides, even if I was crazy enough to accept, what am I going to say to Garrus and Tali? 'Please wait while I get laid for a few hours, and by the way, don't tell Ashley or Liara?' Better yet, what are they going to do, stay here and watch?" _

"No, I'm very good, thanks." Shepard grumbled and spun on his heels. The commander was starting to wonder how the Asari became one of the most respected species in the galaxy. Granted, he only met a handful, but so far, the ones he met have either tried to kill him, contributed to research pointed at killing him, or tried to seduce him. The only one that had not done one of these things was the one on the Council, who usually made his job harder anyway.

When Shepard was asked by that one candidate at Terra Firma for an endorsement, whatever little was holding Shepard's mind together suddenly let go.

_"7000 years of recorded human history, numerous wise sages and holy men denouncing it, and we still have racists and idiots like these? Its one thing to be cynical and reasoned with, but a whole political platform? I don't care how veiled and noble the pretty words sound. I don't give a rat's tale about "protecting" the human people. Heck, I'm given my position by the Council, a so far "alien" governing body, and these idiots want my endorsement because I'm the first human one? How in the world does that even make sense? Fine, they want racism, let them see the bitter fruits of the seeds they sow!" _

"Commander, you all right?" the candidate asked. Shepard suddenly looked at him.

"So...about the endorsement..."

"Right." Shepard answered before his fist connected with the man's face. He decided to plant several pistol rounds in his body for good measure, much to a very stunned audience. Not surprisingly, the Turian C-Sec guards were staring the other direction.

It was at that moment that the commander realized that the very same wise sages and holy men denounced violence, even vengeance. That probably included slugging a racist. And shooting him with a pistol. Repeatedly. Shepard decided he probably should make amends.

"Here's some medi-gel." Shepard grumbled, tossing the package at the man, not even bothering to see if he was already a corpse.

"Don't you think that was a little extreme, Commander?" Tali asked quietly.

"Eh...maybe a little."

Several minutes later, in the depths of space on a curiously hijacked _Normandy_, Garrus the very concerned ex C-Sec officer walked into Dr. Chakwas office.

"Garrus, can I do something for you?" the good doctor asked.

"Well, not me...perhaps the Commander, though." the Turian whispered nervously.

"What do you think is wrong with Commander Shepard?" Chakwas asked.

"Well...I personally believe he's bi-polar." Garrus admitted.

"Bi-polar. Whatever made you believe that?"

"Well doctor, you spend your all your time here, so maybe you haven't noticed. Look, you just need to glance at his Paragon and Renegade meters, they're both equal with each other."

"Garrus, whatever are you talking about?" the doctor asked.

"You know what, nevermind." Garrus grumbled. Whoever came up with those little meters anyway?


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter may contain spoilers. You've been warned.

* * *

_Ending Ethics_

Commander Johannes Shepard stood vindicated in the Presidium. Already, cleanup crews were starting to make a difference on the once ruined Citadel. He had made the noble decision and gambled the fate of the galaxy for the sake of three individuals and won. The Council stood alive and well before him, knowing that they owed him their lives. They also realized the debt they owed to humanity. Sometimes being a paragon did pay off in the end.

"Perhaps the Spectre would have a candidate in mind?" one of the councilors offered. Johannes did not even need to think.

"I nominate Captain Anderson. We're going to need someone with the military experience." _"Besides, the captain helped me to get into this position. It is the least I can do to repay him. He may have failed as a Spectre, but now he shall be raised to the first human councilor." _

"Not me?" Ambassador Udina asked, a hint in his voice that he clearly did not approve.

"Are you sure about this, Spectre?" another councilor asked. Something clicked in the commander's mind. _"Udina is not happy because he has spent more time in politics and does not believe Anderson is competent for this task. The Council probably just want to be helpful. If I let politicians decide, they'll probably just have another half wit politician running the job. The last thing we need is more politician. For crying out loud, the reason this place is in ruins is because of politicians who didn't listen to me. Come to think of it, they're on the verge of not listening to me again. Why won't they freaking listen to me!?" _

"Commander, are you all right? You're turning red..." Anderson asked.

"Do you have any bloody clue on what I've been through!?" Shepard suddenly screamed. Everyone flinched at the seemingly unprovoked outburst.

"Please Commander, there is no reason to get upset. We have all been through a lot and-" Shepard interrupted the Asari councilor.

"We?! _WE!?_ You mean you're just only starting to feel what you did to _ME!!" _Shepard hollered, clearly on the verge of hysterics. Udina and Anderson exchanged horrified glances.

"Perhaps the Spectre could enlighten us on what he's talking about." the Salarian councilor offered.

"Yes...I believe he does owe us an explanation." the Turian muttered, clearly offended. Shepard was furiously nodding his head.

"Oh, I'll enlighten you all right!" Shepard snapped manically.

* * *

It all started the night before they landed on Iios. He was sulking in his quarters. He was now a fugitive who had stolen a military frigate. Sure, the reason was to save all life as they knew it, and surely the Ambassador and Council were slightly misguided, but still, he was not used to being an official outlaw. The dark room did not really help his mood and he started to realize he was very lonely. If only there was someone to at least offer him a little comfort. That's when he heard his door slide open. Perhaps he was going to get his wish. Perhaps there would be someone to comfort him.

_"Oh crap...not those two."_

There in front of him at this suggestive hour of the night was Liara and Ashley. The only credit he could give them was that they were standing that close together without baring their teeth at each other. Liara spoke first.

"Commander, we would just like to tell you that Chief Williams and myself have decided to put aside our differences. We are now willing to work together very closely." the Asari reassured. Johannes felt his blood pressure go down a little bit.

_"Whew..._"

"We were wondering if you would like to..._join us._" Ashley suggested in a seductive voice. Shepard literally felt a few nerves in his brain short circuit. He looked at both of them in alarm.

_"No. They can not possibly be suggesting what I think they-oh for the love of everything sacred, they are! Say...that IS an interesting proposi- Shepard get a hold of yourself! You're several hours away from the most important fight in the galaxy. You need a good night's rest and a clear mind if you are to have any chance against Saren and the Reaper. What they are suggesting will not bring either. You are going to need all the hours you can sleeping and not doing...THAT (or rather them). Come on Shepard, think, think, think. Wait...two can play at that game..." _

"Listen...I uh...appreciate the offer..." _"You lying dog, Shephard." _

Liara and Ashley looked at him with all too hopeful glances.

"But um...I'm still mourning a recently lost love and its just too soon for me." Shepard admitted. The Asari scientist and Alliance Marine were shock to put it mildly.

"Wait...you-you had a relationship recently?" Ashley sputtered.

"You have been most discreet, Commander." Liara stated.

"Yeah, well..." Shepard shrugged.

"Wait a minute...who was this person?" Ashley suddenly asked.

"Kaiden. I've never been the same after Virimire."

Liara and Ashely quickly found themselves tossed out of the Commander's quarters with the door console audibly locking behind them. They both looked at the door forlornly before glaring at each other. The Asari spoke first.

"I told you that this would not succeed, Williams." Liara pouted.

"If I remember correctly, you're the one that suggested it." Ashely retorted.

"It was in jest. The one time I do that and you took it seriously."

"Well it doesn't matter now." Ashley grumbled. They both hesitated outside the door.

"He's lying about Alenko." Ashley suddenly stated.

"I should have offered that I could have helped him with that." Liara muttered.

"Well I'm glad you didn't think of that. You would have said 'I' not 'we.'"

"I believe you humans say that 'All's fair in love and war.'" Seeing that we are in both, I believe this is all part of the game." Liara observed.

"For the record, I never wanted to share him with you."

"The feeling is mutual, Williams."

Then there was the whole matter of actually landing on Iios. Shepard decided to play it smart and have Wrex and Garrus come along. At least he knew those two would have their heads clear and knew how to survive a fire fight. Just as long as no one brought up anything about Genophages, Rachni, superiority and testicles, they'd be good.

He and his team nearly got killed ten times over on Iios racing to get to the Conduit. They nearly got killed a hundred times over on the Citadel, but nonetheless, they made it. They made it all the way to Saren who had been the cause of this misery since the beginning. Being the paragon, Shepard offered him once last time to redeem himself. In despair, Saren shot himself. The moral of the story was that if a sentient machine offers to implant devices in you, just say "no."

Then he had to make another agonizing decision on which thousands, if not millions of lives depended on in the immediate battle. Somehow it wasn't as intense as it was with only two lives back at Virmire. At any rate, he also had to deal with this horrible logical fallacy of concentrating only on Sovereign or concentrating only on the Destiny Ascension. Why couldn't they split up the fleet, save the Ascension and then go for Sovereign? The Council certainly did not deserve it, but he decided to save them anyway.

* * *

"Through the course of this whole bloody spectacle, I've been shot at God knows how many times, surveyed a few too many minerals, recovered these useless trinkets called Matriarch writings, and those useless Turian insignias. What was the point of those things, anyway!?" No one said anything but glance at each other nervously. Shepard wasn't done yet.

"And I'm not done, no, not by a long shot! I had to deal with not one, but TWO nuclear weapons. I am so getting cancer later in life! I've chased a data module down a mine chute taken there by a stupid monkey, getting a bad rap for accidentally running one over in the process, and then nearly getting killed over it! I've had to psychologically recondition a trigger happy Turian and provide some sentimental value for a Krogan. Lets see any of you do that!" Shepard was still screaming but showed no signs of stopping.

"You want to know how many people I watched commit suicide? I watched a Dr. Heart, I watched an Asari act against her own will effectively killing herself, then there was Fai Dan, and finally Saren. Don't you think I'm going to get a little messed up in the head by watching that? You don't think that traumatizes me? You'd be traumatized too if you saw that Matriarch flaunting that much cleavage on her person." The Asaric councilor was clearly offended.

"I've been told to save the galaxy and work against time, while simultaneously being hounded by idiots, drug addicts, news reporters, scientists, officers and bandits and common people alike, as well as Alliance Command to act on any whim that came into their lousy heads. I've been sent against hostile AI and extremely pissed off VI on the moon. You have any idea how idiotic VI can be? One friggin gave away the element of surprise back on Feros! Don't even get me started on the unethical actions of the corporations either!"

"Commander, I'm sure we get the point." Udina squeaked. Shepared glared at him so hard even Wrex would have whimpered had he seen that. Still, the Commander continued.

"I've had my mind probed you know how many times? I've even been barfed on by zombies, for pete's sake! You have no clue what trauma is until you've been spewed all over by a Thorian Creeper. And you actually wanted to save that thing!" Shepard yelled. The Council was at lost for words. Shepard kept going.

"I've been traumatized by my own crew, for crying out loud! My navigator is a sarcastic, arrogant jerk. My XO is a racist. Two of my crew members can't shut up about each other's testicles and another two are trying to sleep with me so hard it's driving me nuts! Do you know how hard it is to stay sane under those conditions while at the same time being a paragon and trying to be compassionate and understanding to all of them?! Do you know how hard it is to not even make a single hurtful comment? I made a Quarian girl cry the one time I did let my temper go! It's all too much!" Shepard cried. The situation became even more awkward because now the first human Spectre was weeping hysterically. Shepard tried to speak between his sobs. No one on the Council was prepared to see a grown human male cry.

"Look...just listen to me. Soveriegn said he was only a vanguard...the Reapers are still out there...I got to find a way to stop them...just leave me alone!" Shepard sobbed before walking off dejectedly. Captain Anderson and Ambassador Udina exchanged a very quick conversation in front of a very mortified Council.

"I suggest psychological evaluation on him and his whole crew." Udina whispered.

"Agreed." Anderson replied.

Meanwhile, Shepard continued to walk by himself. He had finally calmed himself down to a few sniffles when he walked into Tali. The Quarian spoked first.

"Shepard, I heard about what happened. I understand how you feel." Tali said sympathetically.

"Thanks."

"You look like you could use a friendly hug." Tali suggested.

"Yes...I could use a hug..." Shepard admitted. No sooner he said that was he tackled by Liara and Ashley simultaneously who proceeded to embrace him passionately.

"Thanks, Tali." Liara manage to get off.

"No problem." the Quarian answered before walking off.

* * *

Author's note:

Next I'm thinking about covering the actual pyscho-therapy for the crew. Anyone interested in that?

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Okay, I really had to debate between keeping to the actual game canon wise, working off of the fic as it has developed, and just making stuff up. The character about to be covered proved to be hard. Hope you're all not too disappointed.

On a lesser note, I also imported a character from another fic to play a major role. Those of you covering my other story will certainly recognize him. However, it should not cause too many problems if you don't know him.

* * *

Commander Johannes Shepard and several selected members of his crew sat outside an office. Admiral Hackett had ordered the good commander to dock at Jump Zero for "combat readiness evaluations." The admiral specifically stated that he, Ashley Williams, Liara T'soni, Urdnot Wrex, Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorrah nar Rayya were all to report for the evaluations. Now they were outside the office of a certain military counselor. Shepard had asked his good friend Captain Anderson for any further advice on this matter and was simply told to "relax." These evaluations were common for units that had gone through particularly excruciating stress. If saving the galaxy from almost complete destruction didn't cause stress, no one else knew what did. Suddenly, the door opened and a thin man wearing Alliance regulation clothes and a military sweater appeared in the doorway.

"Sorry for the wait. I will be with you all in time. Garrus Vakarian, I'll start with you." the counselor announced. The Turian gave a quick nod of acknowledgment and followed the man inside before the door closed behind him.

"I was never too fond of shrinks." Ashley murmured.

Inside, Garrus gazed around the personalized small office of the Alliance counselor. Behind the man's desk was a shelf of books, fully loaded and perhaps even double layered with the ancient stores of knowledge. The desk itself was mostly clean, save for a few sheets of neatly piled papers and a peculiar thing, something he believed was called a "cross," a significant religious symbol among humans. There were other things as well. A rifle was on the top of the shelf as well as other various old human artifacts. The human must have been a collector.

"I am Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph and I will be your counselor." Lucas introduced himself, extending his hand.

"Officer Garrus Vakarian." the Turian greeted and shook his hand.

"So where do we begin?" Garrus asked.

"You tell me." Lucas answered cryptically.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean er, Lieutenant, Von Seraph, how may I address you?" Garrus asked.

"My rank, my last name, first, whatever you're comfortable with. How about we start with you, tell me about yourself." Lucas suggested.

Within a few minutes, Lucas was leaning back in his chair with his legs resting up on his desk. Meanwhile, Garrus was wrapping up his early life on Palavia, the life in the Turian military, and his renewed love for C-Sec.

"Before I did not appreciate the rules and regulations that the force had. I felt tied in. Now I realize the need for them and I appreciate the work. The Commander set me straight on that one. He's a good man and I appreciate him allowing me help out on the Normandy. A chance like that only comes once in a lifetime." Garrus explained.

"Indeed. We are all in debt to what all of you did against Saren and the Sovereign. Tell me, how do you feel about the other crew members?" Lucas asked, still reclining though keeping a hidden open ear.

"Shepard is our commander. We would die for him. He has his moments. Sometimes he does things I do not approve. I am pretty strict on the law, being an officer and all. And uh...between you and me I think he's a bit bi-polar." Garrus stated quietly.

"Yes, I'll look into it. So you distrust the abilities of Shepard?"

"No, not at all. I believe he is an excellent leader."

"Fair enough. How about the other crew members?"

"There's Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. I do not believe she is being fair in that she distrusts myself, Wrex and the others because we're as you humans call 'aliens.' It can be counter productive if we're to work as a team. However, she's useful in a firefight. She also seems to be pretty determined to get Shepard's attention. If she worked as hard on the rifles as she did on Shepard, our armory would be cleared in five minutes."

"Mhmm."

"Dr. Liara T'soni is a nice Asari. In a firefight she has a bad habit of getting knocked out pretty quickly. However, if she can stick around, her biotics are second to none. She's doesn't seem to get along very well with Ashley. Though, with the Chief's ridiculous xenophobic attitudes, I don't blame her. Come to think of it, she also seems to change a bit when Shepard is around. All of sudden she's full of energy. No clue why. Maybe she's anticipating doing a lot of things or something." Garrus thought. He glanced at Lucas who just nodded that he continue.

"As for Wrex, he's a pain most of time. Crude, abrupt and has no sense of diplomacy. However, he's not a savage as I once thought. Sometimes he strikes me as immature, but I guess that's just the nature of Krogan. He pulls his weight on the battlefield."

"And the Quarian?"

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya? Yeah, she talks a lot, especially to Shepard. Always spending time in the drive core. Never even thinks to come out and help with the Mako." Garrus grumbled.

"Hmm, so you want her to help you with the Mako?"

"Well...only if she's able to...as long as she isn't just staring at the drive core when she could be paying attention to other things."

"Like you?" Lucas offered. There was a moment of silence as Garrus glared at him.

"I suspect a vendetta here." Garrus snapped.

"I'm only asking you questions that you need to ask yourself. I've heard word you two have quite the discussions in elevators. However, there was also a complaint about you and Wrex. Something about you two always talking about uh...testicles?" Lucas asked, glancing at a sheet of paper. Garrus scoffed.

"I did not know the Commander was a prude. I thought that was a given about Krogan and the number of...uh...you know...their four-"

"Go on."

"I mean, it only makes sense on how pissed off the males are. That, and their stunted maturity. I only brought it up once. I had no clue about Wrex making any other comments."

"So there's nothing serious between you and Wrex?" Lucas asked cautiously. Garrus' eyebrows shot up.

"What? No! Oh, that is sick!" Garrus exclaimed.

"Sorry, just wanted to make that clear."

"I'd sooner date the Quarian than him."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well...what do you like about being on the _Normandy_?"

"Work is never finished there. I enjoy what we do. If I'm not fixing the Mako, I'm with Shepard on a mission. Work, work, work. Got to love it."

"So you like what you do?"

"Indeed."

"How about vacation?"

"Vacation? There's Reapers out there and who would do the work? It isn't going to do itself."

"Haha...ah well. Garrus, we're out of time. However, I do have a few suggestions for you and your psychological health." Lucas announced.

"Go on, Lieutenant."

"You're very work oriented. You like to get the job done. You notice the ability of your comrade's ability to finish a job. That is good, but humans have a saying. 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.'"

"Who is Jack?"

"Um, don't worry about that. The point is, you sound like you could use a vacation. You are a bit up tight and you need to relax. You mentioned the Commander having his times. You understand that he is under a lot of stress. Did you ever think there may be a connection?"

"Yeah...but the work..."

"Garrus, I'll be blunt. You sound like a borderline workaholic. Do you understand the longterm repercussions of this?"

"Hmmm...you mentioned Shepard...so violent outbursts and bi-polarism as well as a sensitivity to certain topics?"

"Exactly, Mr. Vakarian. Go out and enjoy yourself sometime. Head out to Flux or unwind when you have leave instead of always tending to the Mako. It'll be there when you get back. Perhaps you even should go and visit the drive core. I'm sure Tali could teach you something." Lucas suggested.

"That is an idea...uh, the unwinding, not necessarily the drive core. I'm not sure, though. It doesn't seem like a productive use of time." Garrus sputtered.

"Whatever suits you to unwind, but trust me Garrus, you need the break sometime. You'll probably be more productive that way when you get back from a break." Lucas asserted, showing the Turian out to the door. Lucas put his hand on the door knob but Garrus stopped him before he opened it.

"So this means I'm fine, right Lieutenant?"

"Yes, you're all right. Just don't work too hard. You don't need to hide behind professionalism all the time."

"Very well, I'll consider it. The professionalism thing...not the drive core. I have absolutely no interest in Tali whatsoever."

"I'm not accusing you of anything." Lucas assured.

"Of course not." Garrus replied.

"By our own mouths, we are condemned." Lucas murmured.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Nothing, just a little blessing in my school of theology. Have a good day, Garrus. Perhaps we'll meet again." Lucas showed the Turian out the door before poking his head out to address the others waiting.

"A Mr...Urdnot Wrex?" Lucas asked.

"What do you want?" Wrex grumped. Lucas regarded the massive Krogan. He hesitated.

"...I will be with you shortly." the counselor announced before hiding back in his office. He crossed himself and muttered a quick prayer before finalizing his papers on Garrus. Lucas wrote down a few notes.

"The Turian is a minor case of a workaholic, but nothing serious. A bit in denial about some of his more sensitive side, but nothing out of the ordinary. I could be wrong on the second. Looks like the Krogan is next...I can already tell I'm looking at a bunch of mixed fruits and nuts." Lucas mumbled to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Johannes Shepard tapped Wrex on the shoulder while they waited out in the lobby. The scowling Krogan glanced up at him. The bounty hunter was looking even more grumpier than usual which was a cause for some concern.

"Whatever you do, be nice to him, Wrex. That's an order." Shepard told him.

"Why?"

"He's a kind of doctor. He just wants to make sure you're okay." Shepard explained. Wrex seemed to chew it over. That's when he noticed Garrus.

"Well, if he can make the Turian look like a sourpuss after only forty five minutes, he can't be that bad." Wrex mumbled. Shepard wasn't quite sure how to take that so he just decided to leave it. Hopefully Wrex wouldn't bend an order too much.

"Urdnot Wrex?" Lucas asked, standing back in his doorway.

"Yeah?" Wrex grumped

"I'll be counseling you next."

"Why?" the Krogan asked. Lucas was immediately thrown off. This never happened before.

"...Well, I'm not going in any particular order. I could choose someone else, if you'd like."

"What I would like is to be doing anything else but this." Wrex growled.

"...I see...very well...any volunteers?" Lucas asked.

"But I'll go anyway." Wrex interrupted and stood up. Lucas just very slightly shook his head.

"As you wish." the counselor shrugged.

Wrex scowled, taking the room in one glance while standing in front of the Lieutenant's desk. Lucas offered a hand to him for a handshake.

"Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph. I hope this won't be too painful, Wrex." Lucas stated nervously. Wrex kept his hands crossed in front of his chest.

"For your sake, neither do I."

"Haha...right. Well, you may take a seat." Lucas offered, becoming rather anxious. Wrex abruptly sat down.

"That's an interesting gun you have up there." Wrex commented in reference to the rifle on the top of Lucas' shelf. The counselor immediately grabbed the opportunity to defuse the situation.

"L96A1 sniper rifle. One of the best rifles of its kind back in the day." Lucas explained.

"Yes...you snipers are the sneaky type." the Krogan muttered. Lucas frowned.

"I take it you don't like snipers."

"Who does? Not even snipers like snipers."

"Fair enough. Anything else you don't like?" Lucas asked.

"Mindless jabber, uselessly waiting around, bitter cold...that's about it." Wrex listed. Lucas immediately started pulling out papers on Wrex. He needed to change the subject.

"Your records show that you're one of the few Krogan Battlemasters left. Right now you're a bounty hunter." Lucas reported.

"Want to make something of it?"

"Um...no." Lucas muttered before dropping a very thick stack of papers on his desk with a heavy thud.

"And that's the record you have at C-Sec. You have quite your share of petty disturbances." Lucas observed. Wrex chuckled heartily.

"Haha. I'll tell you now. What's in that little pamphlet you got there ain't nothing compared to _all_ the stuff I've done." Wrex announced proudly. Lucas paled.

"I-I see...anyway..."

"Listen Lieutenant, I don't have all day to chat with you. You're a doctor, just probe my mind and be done with it."

"Wrex, I don't probe minds, at least not how you're suggesting. I get a sense of people's personalities and emotions. The only way I can do that is by talking." Lucas explained. Wrex sighed unhappily.

"Fine...we'll talk."

"All right, Wrex. What do you think of the rest of the crew?"

"Garrus is a bit naive. He's also a wimp. Ashley's good in a firefight, but that's about it. She's quite a...what's that human expression for a bad female...I believe it starts with a 'b'..."

"Just continue Wrex."

"Tali talks too much. Alenko had the potential to be a good biotic but he got nuked. What a way to go. Liara's too soft. If it weren't for her biotics she'd be mincemeat a long time ago. Far cry from Aleena."

"Who is Aleena?"

"Old Asari commando friend of mine that I tried I kill." Wrex shrugged. Lucas blinked as if trying to find a way to make that all compute. He just shook his head.

"How about Shepard?"

"He's okay. He helped me get back my family armor and all. He needs to let out his aggression more often, though. He keeps it pent up. When he does let it out it can be quite hysterical to watch, but it's a waste of anger. He should let it out at every chance he can. That way it be more useful."

"Wrex, you have quite the violent tendencies. Don't you think that's a little...wrong?" Lucas offered cautiously.

"How so?"

"Violence often leads to unnecessary loss. A lot more can be kept through negotiation and diplomacy."

"Not my fault you pipsqueaks can't hold up to getting shot even ten times." Wrex shrugged.

"Not all of us are built like Krogans."

"And it's not my fault you people don't spend enough time in the gym." Wrex retorted. Lucas sighed.

"Hmm...there were comments about you asking everyone on the elevators about who they thought would win in a fight between them and the Commander." the counselor brought up.

"A legitimate question. Is it wrong to try and make conversation?"

"Of course not."

"Good." Wrex retorted.

"Who do you think would win if you got in a fight with him?"

"Me." Wrex answered flatly like it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

"I won't argue with that." Lucas muttered.

"You better not."

"The Commander mentioned that you're rather sensitive about the Genophage. You did try to save your people once. Do you harbor any feelings against the Turians and Salarians?"

"No...not unless they choose to be a dick about it or believe themselves superior for it. We Krogan probably would have done the same given the chance. Actually no, we would've done something worse." Wrex grinned macabrely. Lucas chuckled nervously.

"The Commander also mentioned you became upset on Virmire. Your feelings are completely legitimate and you handled yourself...uh...well. The only question is if you and the Commander are okay on that now." Lucas stated.

"He's not my girlfriend, stop making it sound like such a relationship." Wrex snapped.

"I did not mean to imply-"

"No, we're good. No one needs to worry about it."

"I see. How about you? How do you feel about your efforts to try and save your people?"

"I did what I could. I ended up killing my own father. My people don't want to hear it and I can't change who we are. That's why I try to stay away from it."

"Indeed, it is quite a monumental problem. However, do you feel like you're just running away from your problems?"

"I can't solve this one, Lieutenant."

"Fair enough...or are you running away from your father?"

"My father is dead. Why would I run from him? Dead men don't bite."

"In a metaphorical sense, Wrex." Lucas explained. The Krogan did not say anything except scowl more.

"I am not a coward." Wrex growled.

"I'm not saying you are, Wrex. Emotions can sometimes be our biggest fears. It is completely understandable if you are still having a hard time about what happened between you and your father. It's just a matter of making peace with it." Lucas explained.

"You trying to make me cry, Lieutenant?"

"Oh heavens, no. The absolute last thing I would want to see is a Krogan cry." Lucas shuddered.

"Look, what happened between me and my father was unfortunate. The old man had it coming to him. He should have listened when he had a chance. He never listened to me. Ever." Wrex grumbled. Lucas had stood up and walked around and was now leaning back on the front of his desk so he could hear the Krogan better."

"Why do you say that?" Lucas asked.

"He just never did. Always had wars to fight. Even when I just a little Krogan he never had time for me."

"You resent that?"

"No." Wrex grumped.

"Very well..."

"And there at the Crush, the one time I thought he'd wise up and at least listen to me, and I end up killing him." Wrex muttered. Lucas did not say anything. That's when he saw something he was certain was a sign of the apocalypse.

**Wrex shed a tear.**

"Why didn't he listen to me? He'd still be alive today!" Wrex sobbed. Lucas meanwhile was terrified out of his mind. Was it even possible for Krogan to cry? The massive battlemaster covered his eyes with his claws, trying to dry the tears. Wrex wasn't the only one distressed. With utmost caution, Lucas placed a comforting hand on the unhappy Krogan's shoulder.

"It's okay Wrex. No one can blame you for what happened and how you feel. This isn't your fault." Lucas reassured. What happened next horrified the psychologist even more. In his grief, Wrex hugged the petrified counselor. Lucas cringed violently as he felt the wet soak into his sweater. He suddenly heard a noise.

"_...Oh God...did Wrex just blow his nose into the fabric!?" _

"It-It's okay...it's okay..." Lucas sputtered, wondering if he was trying to convince Wrex of that or himself.

"You don't know how long I've held that in!" Wrex sobbed. Meanwhile, the counselor was shaking so violently in the Krogan's grasp he looked like he was about to go into a seizure.

"_...oh...oh...oh for the love of everything good and sacred...stop blowing your nose!" _

Finally, Wrex calmed down.

"All right...thanks doc...I needed that." Wrex admitted. Lucas nearly died with relief that it was over.

"No problem, Wrex." Lucas answered weakly.

"Anything else, Lieutenant?" the Krogan answered.

"No...no, I think that's quite enough for today. You may leave. Tell Tali that I'll be with her in a few minutes." Lucas stated.

"Sure." Wrex mumbled and opened the door.

"Oh, one last thing, Lieutenant." Wrex stated.

"Yes, Wrex?"

"You tell anyone about what happened and I swear, I'll kill you." Wrex snarled.

"Trust me...I wouldn't want to ever go over it again." Lucas reassured.

"Thanks."Wrex shut the door.

Lucas immediately threw the military sweater into the trash and went to get a new one. He muttered a few notes to himself.

"Thick personal walls, bent towards aggression, looks down on weaknesses and difficult in social situations. A typical, healthy Krogan male. A bit on the sensitive side though..." Lucas mumbled as he pulled on another sweater. He suddenly wondered if there was an exotic market for Krogan tears.

Outside, the others looked at Wrex. Were his eyes...red? No, they were simply bloodshot.

"How'd it go, Wrex?" Shepard asked.

"Complete waste of my time." Wrex replied.

"Sorry about that."

"Whatever. Tali, he'll be seeing you shortly." Wrex announced.

"Okay." the Quarian stated.

"I'm going to get a snack." the Krogan muttered. Garrus got up to join him.

The two got to the hallway where refreshments were served. Garrus had ordered a warm drink from the nearby food place and Wrex simply banged on a vending machine to get a free snack. No one seemed to notice. The two waited around for awhile.

"Hey Garrus, how about we mess with the Quarian's evaluation? Slip a little something into her drink and mess with her mind." Wrex smiled mischievously. Garrus glared at him sternly.

"Wrex, it is extremely unethical and improper to interfere with a very important evaluation on one's psychological evaluation. That would also be slander against Tali." Garrus snapped.

"Fine, fine...how about Ashley, then? You know she deserves it." Wrex offered. Garrus continued to glare at him before finally answering.

"Let's do it."

* * *

Author's note: If anyone has an idea, suggestion, or something they would like to see with Tali, PM me and I'll see what I can do. I have a feeling that, like Garrus, she's going to be difficult.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Wrex and Garrus scanned the numerous selections listed at the small cafe. The two still had not figured out what exactly they were going to do to the Gunnery Chief, but they knew it would all fall to pieces if they did not get the proper drink. The mischievous Krogan was wracking his mind for something diabolical but wouldn't land him in prison, at least not for too long.

"You must remember that whatever we choose, it cannot have a residual taste to it or she'll be suspicious." Garrus reminded.

"As if I don't already know that, Turian. You have any idea what we should choose?" Wrex asked.

"Hmmm...from what I've observed, humans are especially fond of something called 'coffee.' I see there are plenty of selections for that here." Garrus offered.

"Good idea. Hey, this sounds interesting..." Wrex pointed out a particular drink.

"A Sparta Neutrocano. Sounds...dangerous." Garrus read. Wrex called the Salarian attendant over.

"Hey, you. What can you tell us about the Sparta Neutrocano?" the Krogan asked.

"Oh, you would like it very much, Krogan. Made from the best coffee plants harvested in the Sparta system. Most potent coffee beverage known. It has the highest caffeine content of any coffee." the Salarian explained.

"What effect would it have on a human?" Garrus asked. The Salarian flinched.

"Oh, oh my. I'm glad you asked if you were going to buy that for a human friend. This is the highest legal amount a human may consume in a day. Any higher and they'd die of cardiac failure." the Salarian produced a minuscule three ounce cup of the dark brown liquid. Wrex and Garrus smiled ominously.

"It is small. That's why the humans crazy enough to order one usually have it slipped in a regular cup of decaf." the Salarian explained.

"Perfect." Wrex grinned.

* * *

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, my name is Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph." the counselor introduced himself, now wearing a new sweater and having collected himself from his last session.

"It is a pleasure to meet you. I must admit, I'm a little nervous." Tali informed, twiddling her paws in her lap.

"And why is that?" Lucas asked, once again leaning back in his chair.

"No one called you by the same thing since we got here. Shepard has referred to you as a 'psychologist,' 'doctor,' and 'counselor.' Gunnery Chief Williams has even called you a 'shrink,' whatever that is suppose to mean. Could you please tell me what you do?" the Quarian asked. Lucas chuckled.

"I started out as an Alliance combat pilot flying space fighters. After Torfan I was retrained as an Infiltrator. Before all of that though, I was a theology student in the Catholic religion. I had the qualifications of being a pastor, but I was never ordained. For some reason, the Alliance went ahead and made me a chaplain anyway. All what matters is that I am here to evaluate your psychological and emotional health." Lucas explained.

"I see...and how do you do that?" Tali asked.

"By you talking to me."

"Really? What am I to talk about?"

"Anything you want." Lucas answered.

"Anything?" Tali asked happily.

"Anything. You can start by telling me a little bit about you and your people." Lucas offered.

Outside, Shepard had gotten bored and decided to take a little walk. Garrus and Wrex still had not returned, leaving just Ashley and Liara. Liara had worked herself into a meditation and could not be disturbed, so Ashley was on her own. Lacking anything better to do, she had pressed her ear against the wall and was listening in. She had just heard the counselor telling Tali to talk about herself and her people.

"He's so going to regret that." Ashley murmured.

**...One hour and forty-five minutes later...**

Lucas Von Seraph knew a thing or two about sniping and how mind numbing waiting can be. As an infiltrator, he had gained an uncanny and acute ability of determining how much time had passed. Without even glancing at the clock on the wall, he knew he had sat there and doggedly listened to every word the Quarian had said in her very, very long tale for a very, very long time. Determined not to nod off, Lucas leaned forward, and determinedly continued to listen to what Tali was saying.

"And so that was how I managed to start my Pilgrimage and ended up following the Geth. It took a lot of planning and patience, but I was finally able to track a single one down and disable it. I got lucky and was able to salvage something from its memory core. All that hard work on the Flotilla finally paid off. Then I made it to the Citadel and-"

"That was where you ran into Commander Shepard." Lucas interrupted, secretly relieved to change the subject.

"Yes, yes indeed. Oh my, I must have gotten carried away. You're a good listener, Von Seraph. Only Shepard has been as interested as you are in what I had to say." Tali admitted.

"Yes, Commander Shepard. What can you tell me about the crew of the _Normandy_? What do you think of it?"

"Well...they've all been kind to me. I trust them very much and I've become friends with them all, especially the men in engineering. But..."

"But what?"

"Well...if I were to be honest...you wouldn't tell anyone, would you?" Talia asked quietly.

"Client privacy privilege. Basically yes, your secret is safe with me." Lucas reassured.

"Thank you, Lucas. The problem is, I feel lonely. Only awhile ago Commander Shepard became very angry told me he would never be interested it me. He implied it had something to do with me being a Quarian and being 'fragile.' I was never interested in him to begin with, but it did hurt. I hadn't done anything and all of a sudden he snapped at me and I suspect his statement holds true with everyone else on board." Tali explained.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, they're careful around me but I always feel as if there is a bubble around me and my environmental suit. When they all go to eat I join them but I can't eat anything there because of the contaminated environment. I have to eat alone in the medical ward to minimize the risk of any contaminants infecting me. Some days I feel good, but there are times I'm really lonely." Tali explained. Lucas scratched his chin.

"Do you talk to the other crew members?" Lucas asked.

"Shepard does the most of the listening but he's busy. He always has to go."

"What about Liara or Ashley? I'm sure you ladies would get along."

"No. It's dangerous to be around those two. They seem to want something from Commander Shepard really bad. Really, really bad. I don't see why they don't just ask. If they're not trying to get whatever it is they want from him, they're usually killing each other. You should have seen the results of one fight they had. Recently they started working together and even enlisted me to help them get a hug from Shepard. I didn't get a hug, though..." Tali stated sadly.

"Hm...how about Wrex or...ahem...Garrus?"

"Wrex doesn't like to talk and he always seems crabby. Garrus is always working on the Mako."

"I'm told you spend a lot of time in engineering. Perhaps you could visit the rest of the ship, see if anything could use help elsewhere." Lucas offered.

"Well, the bridge is already well staffed. I even tried talking with the navigator and tried to be friends with him. We are similar in that we both have a medical problem, but he's so full of himself he barely noticed me. I could try and work on that elevator to make it faster, but that would take some time." Tali informed.

"I see...what about the garage...anything to be fixed or interesting there?" Lucas offered.

"Not much to be done there." Tali simply stated.

"...Not even...say, the Mako?" _"God, forgive me..." _

"Hmm...that is a thought, but Garrus seems like he has that down pretty well." Tali answered.

"Well, maybe you could ask him sometime. Just in case."

"I guess...it's just that the drive core is so...mesmerizing." Tali admitted.

"Mesmerizing?"

"Yes. The bright lights, the smooth running movements of the machinery. It's a beautiful thing. Oh dear, I'm getting sidetracked. Look, I'm just really concerned no one will even notice me. I don't think any of them thinks that I'm pretty. It's really hard when you're hidden behind a visor all the time." Tali whispered.

"I really don't think that's something you need to worry about."

"But I'm stuck in this suit and I don't think its all that flattering on me...do you think it makes my hips look big?" Tali asked quietly.

"Um, no. I didn't notice." Lucas answered quickly.

"See, no one notices me!" Tali snapped unhappily. Lucas mentally kicked himself.

"No, I just meant that I didn't notice you that way."

"That's not very comforting, Lucas." Tali grumbled. Lucas thought fast.

"It sounds like you're looking for a relationship. Tali, you sound like a young Quarian."

"I haven't even finished my Pilgrimage yet. Not technically, anyway."

"There you go. You have your whole life ahead of you, Tali. You're talented and you're serving with the galaxy's greatest band of heroes. I'm sure you'll impress a nice Quarian boy when you return." Lucas reassured. _"You already intrigue a Turian...of all things..." _

"You really think so? Thanks, Lucas. It's nice to have things in perspective."

"Any other problems you might have?" Lucas asked.

"No, nothing." Tali answered quickly. Lucas looked at her. His optical implants in his eye zoomed in on her.

"If you don't mind my noticing, I see that you have a twitch. Your hands and fingers have these slight tremors. Are you sure you're all right?" Lucas asked skeptically.

"All right, all right, there is one last thing." Tali stated.

"What's that?"

"I haven't slept in a week! I'm not even a doctor and I know I'm suffering from insomnia!" Tali blurted. Lucas looked up at her in surprise.

"Shepard did mention that, but he said that your sleeping troubles went away."

"They did...for awhile. Soon, I realized the only reason I was able to fall asleep was because I was so tired from running around and fighting all the time that I couldn't help but fall asleep. Now, since we're not doing any of that, the silence is getting to me again." Tali explained.

"I see. I am not too fond of pills and you said you liked noise. Have you tried playing music in the background when you sleep?"

"No...I don't even know what music to play."

"Hmm..." Lucas immediately activated his omni-tool and tapped a few buttons. Tali immediately noticed something was sent to her own. She opened up the music file and listened to it.

"You know what...I like it!" Tali squeaked.

"Glad to help. Well, we've mildly exceeded our time. I hope the best for you, Tali. May you be blessed in all your ways." Lucas told her, showing her to the door.

"Thank you for listening, Lucas. I find it hard to meet people who will listen like you. Could I ask one last thing?" Tali asked.

"Go ahead."

"I know its your job to listen...but can you give hugs? Like I said, I feel like there's a bubble around me and..."

"...Sure..." Lucas answered hesitantly before embracing the smaller Quarian lightly. Suddenly, Tali seemed to slump and he heard a strange noise come from her electronic mouthpiece. She was snoring.

"Oh my gosh...she fell asleep..." Lucas sputtered. The counselor glanced around helplessly for a moment before lightly picked up the Quarian.

Everyone in the hall was surprised to see Lucas carrying an unconscious Tali in his arms when he stepped out. His eyes met Garrus' across the hall. Lucas gave his best "I'm innocent" look. Garrus meanwhile glared daggers at him.

"What happened to her?" Shepard asked.

"Apparently she's been going through insomnia. Fortunately, we found something for her." Lucas informed.

"What?"

"Techno and heavy metal, kids these days love it." Lucas murmured. He realized he still had a dozing Quarian in his arms. He knew exactly what to do. He marched up to Garrus.

"Here." Lucas stated flatly. Garrus meanwhile looked stupefied but held his arms up while Lucas gently deposited Tali. He marched back to his office.

"Gunnery Chief Ashely Williams, you're next." Lucas announced. Ashely immediately left her seat.

"Wait, Williams. You forgot your drink."

"Thanks, Wrex." Ashley answered, taking the cup of coffee before walking into the office.

"She'll never know what hit her." Wrex smiled darkly.

"What was that, Wrex?" Shepard asked.

"Nothing, Shepard."


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: "()" designate a translation. _

* * *

Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph could not help but catch a glimpse of Garrus as he was closing the door of his office. The Turian looked stiff, uncomfortable and slightly annoyed that had a sleeping Tali in his arms. However, Lucas did not even need to resort to his optical implants to see that ever slight smile hanging on Garrus' face.

"No way..." Ashley whispered. Lucas did not realize he had been staring. He shut the door.

"What, you saw that?" the counselor asked.

"Yeah. Who would have thought that Garrus might have a soft spot for her? Haha, this is going to be so much fun. Do you think it could work out?" Ashley asked him.

"They probably have more in common other than fingers and toes. They're both allergic to the foods we eat because their biological enzymes can only process a different molecular structure than we can. Both of their societies have rigid structures and both think of the collective first before the individual. They're also very good with technology." Lucas listed.

"It takes more than just similarities to make a relationship." Ashley reminded.

"Indeed, you are correct. Realistically, I think Garrus sees her as something sort of a very close sister he's fond of. She may even see him as an older brother. I'm sure they have the potential for a very close friendship."

"That's it? A brother/sister sort of thing?"

"Well, I can't really see it progressing beyond that. She's intrigues and he wants to know her better. Nothing more, nothing less."

"All right, but if I come back out there and find them making out..." Ashley trailed off with a smirk. Meanwhile Lucas could not help but try to draw a mental image of it.

"She has...a electronic, voice, radio...thing...How could they, do...that?" Lucas sputtered.

"I guess...but I wouldn't just dismiss anything serious that quickly."

"This is true." Lucas admitted, sitting back into his seat and offering Ashley the one opposite his desk.

"Now then, the mechanics of a Quarian and Turian relationship will have to wait for another day. I am Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph. Right now, I'm simply in my military role as a chaplain so do not feel compelled to address me by rank. All you need to do is talk to me." Lucas informed.

"I assume you want me to talk about myself." Ashley stated, sipping from her coffee.

"That is one option. There are many ways of doing this. We'll start with whatever you want to." Lucas offered.

"Well then, pardon my expression, but I like to know my enemy before I go charging in. Now, if I were to guess, looking at you and what you have in your office, you're not telling me the whole story. Clearly, you're a chaplain because of the cross on your desk. The rifle on the shelf tells me you're a sniper and historical collector. I see three medals on your display, the silver star, distinguished flying cross, and the insignia given to ace fighter pilots. Am I correct on all of these?" Ashley asked smiling, knowing darn well she was already right.

"Guilty as charged...except for the historical collector. I just found that relic."

"Well, it was worth a shot. Okay, what do you want to know about me?" Ashely asked. Lucas immediately started shifting through her papers.

"Ashley Williams, Gunnery Chief of the 212 stationed on Eden Prime. You were the only survivor of your unit when the Geth attacked. You're also the granddaughter of the man who surrendered at Shanxi. I will not pretend that was ignored by the Alliance. This is also probably why you've been described as skeptical towards other species. Commander Shepard has also noted your willingness to sacrifice yourself for your grandfather's memory as well as your faith." Lucas read, skimming through her records.

"Can't deny any of them, Lieutenant." Ashely admitted.

"So it seems like you've already identified most of the attitudes that might become problems. I assume Shepard must have addressed them since they're written here. He at least wrote that they were. Are you sure that you have no problem with Garrus, Wrex, Liara and Tali?" Lucas asked.

"Whatever misgivings I have about them is purely because of their personalities and not their species. I see most of them as my comrades. The only exception would probably be Wrex." Ashley reassured.

"What's wrong with Wrex?" Lucas asked.

"I see him more as a pet. An annoying, obnoxious pet, but a pet nonetheless." _"The dog you sic on the bear...except this dog would probably win." _Ashley thought to herself.

"I suppose that can be said about everyone, whether dealing with fellow humans or other species. Just remember to give each of them their due respect."

"I also suppose you're going to ask me about my blatant competition with Liara over Shepard, aren't you?" Ashley stated. Lucas blinked. _"Clearly, this woman wants to be in control of the situation." _

"You brought it up." Lucas told her. Ashley chuckled.

"Okay, it's not what it looks like."

"It better not be. I of all people should be the last to remind you its against military regulations."

"I'm telling you, it's not."

"Very well, enlighten me."

"That sounded very Zen. Anyway, to be honest, I know he's not interested and I know Liara is hopelessly in love with him. The only reason I'm still going at it is because he owes me dinner."

"What?" Lucas asked incredulously.

"I already have a 'Dear John' letter filled out for him once the dinner is over." Ashley smirked. Lucas stared hard at her.

"It sounds like you're going through an awful lot just for a lousy dinner...to be blunt, Chief." Lucas commented.

"Hey, he owes me that much. I was the one that had to drag his hide back to the Normandy. Alenko was too much of a wimp. Besides, I get sick of the military rations."

"Would not the Commander just say he's already paid his debt by saving you on Eden Prime?" Lucas suggested.

"Saved me? I had that situation under control and I would have been able to know those two Geth troopers on my own, regardless of whether he and Alenko would have shown up or not." Ashley asserted, sipping from her coffee again.

"You seem very confident in your abilities, Williams."

"I let my marksmen records speak for themselves." Ashley smirked. Lucas glanced at them.

"Very good...but mine are better." Lucas stated slyly.

"Yes, but you're a sniper."

"So Williams, you're stubborn, you are determined to get what you perceive is rightfully yours, but you are compassionate enough to recognize others feelings and you feel responsible to redeem the memory of your grandfather." Lucas summed.

"Yes...I know it won't bring him back, but I don't want my family's name to go down with a bad rap."

"That sounds an awful lot like a messiah complex. You already recognize that it won't bring your grandfather back. You may have already redeemed your name after your victory over Sovereign."

"I guess..."

"Ashley...its time to let it go...it has already been redeemed. You never had to make the atonement, but it is already done." Lucas reassured.

"Is that an order, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, but it's up to you to take it to heart."

"Sir, yes sir."

"Well, looking over these files I can't find anything else that stands out. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"

"Nopecannotthinkofasinglething. HeyInevernoticedhowslowthatsecondhandwasgoingonyourclock. Lieutenantwhyhaventyourespondedyet?" Ashley blathered. Lucas' mouth dropped.

"...What did you say?"

"NodisrespectLieutenantbutyoutookanawfullongtimetorespond. Idonthavealldayyouknow. Cometothinkofittimeisgoingreallyslow. WowamItalkingreallyfastoriseverythingsuddenlyinslowmotion?"

Lucas stared at his patient horrified. Ashley by now was twitching and had left her seat. She was pacing back and forth on his floor but was continuing to twitch and fidget with every step. Lucas decided he was going to have to try and lip read.

"Williams, was that even in English?" Lucas asked.

"(Of course it was in English. Don't be silly, Lieutenant. Wow, is something wrong with me?)" Lucas took a moment to decipher what she said.

"Gunnery Chief, are you on drugs? Just yes or no." Lucas instructed quickly.

"No, why would you accuse me of such a thing? Oh wait, no, no sir. No drugs for me, sir."

"Are you addicted to stims?"

"(Stims? I hate those things. You know what they do to your body? They're worse than drugs themselves. I bet you they shaved off ten years of my life and I've only used those things twice, both in combat situations. I would never get addicted to stims. Wow, I really am talking fast. I wonder what might be causing this. No wonder you thought I was addicted to those things. I wouldn't blame you. This reminds me of that one time-)"

"Gunnery Chief, your heightened energy level is extremely consistent with stim addiction." Lucas scolded.

"(I swear, I am not on stims, honest. Why do you find that so hard to believe? I hate the feeling of the stuff going through my system. I am well aware of the dangers of stims and what happens if you're caught abusing them in the Alliance. I swear, time is going so slow.)"

"Williams, I could order an immediate drug test on you right now and have you searched." Lucas stated sternly. That's when he noticed the cup of coffee at the edge of his desk.

_"No way coffee could do this...unless she hid it in the coffee..." _

"(I'm not a drug addict! My mother would kill me. You are so not making me go to rehab. Rehab is for quitters and I am not a quitter. I stand my ground and, oh crap that sounded so wrong. Look, I am not going to rehab because there is nothing to rehabilitate me from. I do not have a problem. Crap, no I sound in denial. I am not in denial! You know, that it was like this one time where...)"

Lucas let Ashley get lost in her own world. Instead, he discreetly poked a finger into her coffee cup and licked the residual fluid on his finger. _"Deep, rich earthy taste...its got a zing to it...come to think of it I haven't tasted a coffee quite like this...and the only one I haven't tried at the cafe over there...Oh God... It's a Neutrocano..." _Lucas reached into his desk and pulled out a bottle of clear fluid.

"(Oh man, we're we ever in a fix. Shepard really managed to get us out of fixes even if he causes half of them. Yes, I know everyone thinks I got the hots for him. I mean, what's not to like? He's strong, compassionate, great back end if you know what I mean. Oh wait, you're straight so why would you want to hear this? Well, I assume you're straight. You're not married are you?)" Ashley ranted at lightspeed. Lucas meanwhile ignored her, which was perfectly fine to the oblivious Ashely, as he measured out the proper dosage of the fluid. Lucas left his seat.

"(And then there was this one time when we landed and Shepard just had to go an inspect that busted satellite probe and I told him not to but of course he didn't listen and did anyway. That was when the Thresher Maw popped out of the ground. You should have seen him. He screamed like a little girl before completely freaking out and we were still in the Mako. I mean, I know what happened to him on Akuze, but honestly, it's not like)- Ow!"

Ashley suddenly stopped and glanced down at the stabbing pain in her thigh, only to see a syringe lodged in her flesh. She looked up at Lucas who carefully extracted the needle.

"What was in that? What did you put in me? You really better tell me what was in there, Lieutenant or I will throw a fit. Don't underestimate me, LT. I'm certain I could beat the crap out of you if given the chance...Sir."

"Don't worry, Gunnery Chief. You were suffering from the effect of a Neutrocano. Mostly likely the Sparta kind. I just gave you a hefty dose of tranquilizers." Lucas reassured.

"Neutrocano? But I thought that was just coffee. There was no way I could have known, though it did taste funny. I really should have stopped when I noticed the difference. Man that was so stupid. I should have-"

"Its okay, Ashley. Perhaps you got the wrong drink. It must have been for another human seeing that you're still alive and not in cardiac arrest at the moment." He noticed Ashley was thankfully starting to mellow out.

"No...it was Wrex who gave it to me. Oh my gosh, that stupid Krogan did this! I am so going to beat him up when I get out of here." Ashley growled.

"Seems like you're all comfortable around each other to get into fist fights and pranks." Lucas observed.

"Grr...Wrex and all those Krogan should die a long, agonizing death."

"Well, normally they do, and actually, they are." Lucas reminded.

"Oh right. Oh shoot, I didn't mean to sound racist...slipped my tongue." Ashley apologized.

"Yes, just be careful who you say that around."

"Well, if you don't mind, I need to clear something with a Krogan outside. Are we finished, Lieutenant?" Ashley asked.

"Yes, yes we are. You're a little rough around the edges, but I think that's what you're shooting for. I think you're fine."

"Darn straight...Sir." Ashley grinned. Lucas rolled his eyes and showed her out.

Outside, Liara just woke from her meditation as Lucas opened the door and Ashley marched out. A very disappointed looking Wrex had his arms crossed in front of his chest. Apparently, he had been expecting a lot more yelling. Ashley stomped up to him.

"Wrex...for the record...I...hate...y-" Ashley never finished the sentence as her legs gave out and she fainted on the floor. Everyone stared in surprise, except Garrus who pleasantly distracted. It seems that Tali had shifted in her sleep and was now curled up so that her head was under his chin. Lucas rolled his eyes at both the Turian and the unconscious marine on the floor.

"Now what happened to her? You've knocked out another one of my crew members." Shepard demanded of Lucas.

"It seems like someone slipped a Sparta Neutrocano in her coffee. I had to dose her with tranquilizers just to calm her down. I also put enough to knock her out. She's going to have a nasty headache when she wakes up, but not as bad if she never got knocked out in the first place." Lucas explained.

"I see..." Shepard mumbled, looking at Wrex.

"What makes you think I did it?" the Krogan shrugged defensively.

"You gave her the coffee." Shepard argued.

"So? I betcha the Salarian messed it up. Maybe even Garrus had something to do with." Wrex suggested. Lucas rolled his eyes.

"Someone just make sure to collect Chief Williams off the floor, she really shouldn't stay there. Commander Shepard, is it normal for your crew members to be sprawled out unconscious?" Lucas asked.

"Actually...yes..." Shepard admitted. Lucas sighed.

"Anyway, Dr. Liara T'soni, please come with me. Commander Shepard, you'll be next." Lucas announced.


	10. Chapter 10

Lucas Von Seraph thought quickly as he walked over to his desk. Aside from the Asari, he had analyzed nearly all of the most vital members on Shepard's crew. The lieutenant was starting to paint a picture from the information he had gotten. To him, it was mildly disconcerting.

_"A workaholic, determined Turian, an abrupt yet somehow sentimental Krogan, an adolescent Quarian and a happy go lucky Alliance Marine with a bad family history to boot. I don't even need to interview this Asari here to tell you that we're looking at quite the dysfunctional family here. If Shepard has his act together, all of them are going to drag on him directly or indirect. If he's a renegade, he'll just aggravate the situation. If he's bi-polar...God have mercy..." _

"As you might have heard, I'm Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph." Lucas introduced himself, shaking the Asari's hand.

"Doctor Liara T'soni. It is a pleasure to meet you Lieutenant...you look a bit haggard, if you don't mind my saying, Lieutenant." Liara observed.

"It has been a day but nothing I can't handle. Anyway, tell me about yourself, Dr. T'soni."

"Well, as you already know, I am an Asari. My mother was the late Matriarch Beneziah. I've spent many decades studying the Protheans which proved useful in the conflict with Sovereign. In other words, history has been my life's work. Oh dear, you asked me to talk about myself, not the circumstances surrounding me." Liara sputtered sheepishly. Lucas quickly rubbed his eyes. He was getting tired.

"No, that is perfectly fine. Please continue." Lucas murmured.

"Well, I am just a little over a hundred years old, which is pretty young for an Asari, which I'm sure you already know. Many have described me as naive and innocent, though I am not sure how to comment on that. I must admit that I prefer working alone and with computers over social situations. I have a tendency to...what do you humans say...put my foot in my mouth?" Liara asked.

"That would be the proper expression, yes." Lucas nodded drowsily. He quickly shook his head to wake up. He knew he couldn't nod off just yet.

"Because of working alone and my shyness, I haven't met too many people and friends are hard to come by. Of course, then I met Shepard..." Liara trailed off. Lucas didn't need his optical implants to catch that content smile on her face. Lucas rubbed his head. _"I've never been a big fan of relationship and marriage counseling. Too much drama, not enough brains..." _

"Yes, that has come up quite a bit. How about we explore this?" Lucas offered, rising from his desk to gaze at the window, hoping the moving blood would wake him up and perhaps avert the lack of patience his drowsiness was causing.

"Very well, you are the evaluator and I defer my judgment to yours on these matters." Liara submitted.

"When did Shepard first catch your interest?" Lucas asked, still not having taken his eyes off the window.

"You mean my professional interest or my personal interest?" Liara asked. Lucas paused.

"Just interest in general. Which came first?"

"Well, that is hard to say. My professional interest of study is greatly intertwined with my personal interest. You could say my personal interest became my professional interest. So to ask me which came first would mean my personal interest, which means that I first became personally interested in him after a few missions. Of course, what sparked my initial curiosity was how he managed to retain a Prothean vision. Which was my professional interest. Oh dear, looks like I might have concluded wrong..." Liara murmured. Lucas meanwhile was staring at her. His bad mood was starting to kick in.

_"Omigosh, this woman needs help... And I thought only Theology students over analyzed..." _

"Very well then. So it started with the Prothean vision. Now about what time did your feeling start to grow stronger for him, or rather, when did you start feeling the need for him?" Lucas asked calmly.

"It was about the time...after our second mission. On Noveria." Liara explained. Lucas nodded.

"Tell me what happened on Noveria."

"Well, we had to obtain a garage permit and then fight our way through the valley. When we got to the central tram station we found it in complete disarray. After that, and killing plenty of Rachni, we found Beneziah...It is unfortunate that she did not survive the encounter."

"You refrain from calling her your mother." Lucas observed.

"Correct. I choose to remember her for who she ways, not a pawn in her last days." Liara stated quietly.

"And Shepard was there?"

"Yes...he helped me through that difficult time. He cared enough to check up on me."

"Well, let me ask you something Liara..." Lucas proposed.

"Go ahead, Lieutenant."

"The death of your mother, no matter how well you took it, was still an emotionally taxing time for you. Usually, Asari are very collected when it comes to matters of their emotions and inner being. However, even they are not untouchable. Is it possible Liara, that you are acting out of emotions of a bad event and perhaps you need to slow down a little?" Lucas offered.

"What do you mean, Lieutenant?"

"I mean perhaps you should reevaluate your feelings for Shepard and go at his pace. Perhaps you should consider another way to approaching him, start all over again, where you can be more collected in your feelings." Lucas suggested.

"I see. Perhaps I may have been a little fast in my handling of the situation..." Liara admitted.

"Yes, you have plenty of time. Leave humans to be quick and stupid. At best, we can only hope to make fifteen or twenty percent of your lifespans tops." Lucas chuckled. _"Whew...okay, clearing the drama part_._"_

"...Oh, by the Goddess, that is a good point!" Liara cried. Lucas looked at her.

"Is something wrong, Liara?"

"You are correct. Humans do not live long at all. Yes, the love two individuals have for each other transcend time and space, but there is still no substitute for the time we have now." Liara stressed.

"That is correct. It is usually attributed to King Solomon for saying 'A live dog is better than a dead lion.'" Lucas agreed.

"And we must make the most of the time that we are given now. We can never be sure how much time we have left."

"I believe that would be a correct assumption."

"Oh dear...that means there are only so many years left." Liara muttered, looking very worried.

"I wouldn't worry about that. The Sermon on the Mount states 'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.'" Lucas quoted.

"Very well, that is true. However, Shepard is roughly thirty years old. He possibly only has a hundred and twenty years left, maybe even less considering his line of work." Liara said. Lucas was thrown off.

"What does Shepard have anything to do with this?"

"I must be absolutely clear with him on how I feel. He does not have an awful long time-"

"Well, you don't know for certain how long he has." Lucas interrupted. Liara meanwhile was frantic.

"Yes, but I must do as you said and try to approach it from another angle. Oh dear, this is going to take so much time and thought. I must get to it immediately." Liara stated. Lucas meanwhile was starting to panic.

"No, Liara, there is plenty of time I assure you."

"You yourself just said that life is short and precious. Do you realize how fast my hundred and six some odd years went? I can still remember when I was a little one on my mother's knee. I remember when no one had heard of you humans. There is not a lot of time, Lieutenant." Liara asserted. _"Indeed, there is not a lot of time left for my patience...and perhaps even my sanity. No wonder Shepard got this way." _

"Liara, please calm down. Everything will be all right." Lucas persuaded.

"Yes, yes. For now it is. Listen, you have been very helpful, Lieutenant, but now I must get to business on what you have suggested. You have been most helpful, Lieutenant. Perhaps we could meet again sometime." Liara suggested.

"Not unless we really have to." Lucas nodded.

"Oh, but when everything is cleared up, I insist."

"No, it's quite all right, I don't meet up with patients like that."

"Oh, not like that. I was thinking professional to professional."

"Haha, I'm really busy and all, being a chaplain, special forces, getting dragged on other missions that I can't really talk about."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I have absolutely no time." _"For fast Asari like you." _

"Oh Goddess, you're right! Time! Oh my, I better get moving." Liara turned to leave the office while Lucas activated his omni-tool to do quick calculations. He punched them into the device.

_"Okay...accessing Asari database...psychological developments...she's a little over a hundred, putting her in the Maiden stage...,analytical, reserved type...type A personality...from the sounds of it she hasn't been...uh, 'getting around' as much...put all those into the equation and..." _The omni-tool application emitted a glare of an ominous flashing red light which reflected off the lieutenant's face.

"Normal...very reactive readings...but normal considering the circumstances. God help the Commander." Lucas dragged himself to the door.

Shepard was a little taken aback by Liara once she opened the door. She gave him a very hopeful glance before walking off. Wrex was snoring on a chair and could not be disturbed. There was a saying to never poke a sleeping Krogan. Ashley had woken up and was feeling extremely woozy. The same could be said for Tali who was now sitting next to Garrus and talking his ear off. The Turian looked very content. Lucas approached Shepard and saluted him.

"Commander, with your permission, I am going to take a quick break, and I will be right with you." Lucas asked.

"Granted. You're the one in charge here." Shepard agreed.

"Thank you, sir." Lucas marched off to the cafe.

The Salarian attendant brightened up at the sight of Lucas. The lieutenant was regular at the cafe when he was around. The amphibian greeted him amiably in contrasts to Lucas' exhausted look.

"Ah, the human with all the proverbs. You look a little tired there. The usual chai to get you back up?" the Salarian asked.

"Yes, the usual chai. That would be great." Lucas thanked.

"You're welcome, Lieutenant. Now tell me, you always have a new proverb, something you have learned. Do you have a new one for today?" Lucas looked up in thought and let his mind flip over for a bit.

"Actually, yes I have learned something."

"Let us hear it then, human." the Salarian asked earnestly.

"Behind every great man is a woman driving him nuts. Never forget that." Lucas warned before sipping from the chai.


	11. Chapter 11

Commander Shepard watched the Lieutenant chuck the empty cup of chai into a waste basket. Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph tilted his neck to the side, producing a audible crack before looking at him. He seemed refreshed. Shepard meanwhile had no clue what was in store for him.

"I assume you'll be giving me the evaluations?" Shepard asked.

"As their superior, yes. You are entitled to read their evaluations but after that, they are confidential. However, I will have to process you first so that I may give you all your evaluations." Lucas explained.

"Fair enough. Where would you have me start, Lieutenant?" Shepard asked, making himself comfortable.

"Lets start with your early life, Commander." Lucas offered.

"Well, I was born on Mindoir before the raid. I lived there for about sixteen years and then the raid happened. Completely turned my life upside down."

"But you got past it." Lucas stated.

"Yes...took awhile. Part of the reason I wanted to join the Alliance, to make sure stuff like that never happened. No one should have to go through the experience of having Asari violate you." Shepard grumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"There were Asari in the raider group. I will not go over the details, all to say is they took a sadistic liking to me." Shepard mumbled. Lucas scratched his chin. 

_"No wonder Liara's getting firewalled. Her very presence coupled with her actions...oh dear..." _

"And they're suppose to be the respectable species out there. My gosh, it seems like everything started malfunctioning around me ever since that started. Its like the universe is out to get me." Shepard continued.

"Why do you say that?"

"There is always something going on. I can feel it. They're out to get me, Lieutenant. Just because I'm not paranoid doesn't mean they're still not out to get me." Shepard stated firmly. 

_"On the contrary...We might have a case of paranoia here..." _

"And then what happened at Akuze. My gosh, I can't even watch that cheap twentieth century film. What's it called...Quake...no, Termors, that's it. That's one of the reasons I like space. I land on a planet and I immediately break into sweats. That's why I jog around all the time, trying to get off of it. You never know what might be crawling underground." Shepard warned.

_"...Post Traumatic Stress Disorder..." _

"I mean, that's another reason they're out to get me. You know why I didn't get killed? They ran tests on me. All the other guys in my squad, they got killed because the Maw spat acid on them. They ran tests on me. You know why I didn't melt?" Shepard asked, starting to get worked up. Lucas tried to think of a subtle way to calm him down.

"I don't know, Shepard. Perhaps you could calmly explain?"

"They ran test. I wasn't spewed all over with Maw acid. It was Maw saliva. Imagine that. I was spat on by a giant carnivorous worm. You have any clue what its like having an alien spew its fluids all over you and then expect not to get traumatized? Do you?" Shepard asked. Lucas glanced uneasily at the wastebasket where his last sweater was.

"Well, actually..."

"No, you probably have no clue. I can't think of anything worse. And then you know what happens? The Alliance sends me all over the place, landing on planets, doing surveys on the ground, finding insignias and data modules. All this stuff that involves going in mines and underground. You what's underground? That's where the Maws are! After I saw my share of Maws and they decide that I need to go see more. You don't know how much I hate those filthy things. I'd kill them all." Shepard growled. 

_"...We're looking at a lot of work here..." _

"All the Asari have respectable jobs, which is good for them don't get me wrong, but no one ever thinks about if they might have a bad side. Instead of getting sent against the raiders, I'm sent against synthetics, Varen, Krogan who should be an endangered species, and zombie Thorian creepers. Whose favorite way of attacking is vomiting all over you. You'd think I was spewed on enough already, but no...they continue their grand conspiracy against me..." Shepard grumbled. 

_"...At this point, I don't think any amount of therapy is going to make this better..." _

"I mean, you know what's really bizarre? I had to deal with two nukes through my tour of duty. Sure, biological weapons are off limits, but what about chemical weapons? No one thought about making an edict to ban those rounds we use that melts you to death. Besides, the laws didn't stop Exogenni from experimenting with biological weapons. Shouldn't that be cruelty against animals? I mean, where's PETA in all of this? It's bad to skin fluffy bunny rabbits but go ahead and melt the last voracious bug of a sentient race? All of that, and nukes are still okay to use. I'm telling you, they're out there...and they're making the universe so darn unfair." Shepard told Lucas very seriously. 

_"Nope...no amount of therapy at all..._"

"And these idiot politicians. They're never as smart as they should be. Denying the Quarians help to contain the Geth? Eden Prime wouldn't have happened. Locking me up after all the information I gave them? Going ballistic because I accidentally caused the collapse of a major Prothean ruin. They demand too much from me and there's no pleasing them. I tell you, it was them, whoever them is, that made that ruin collapse. Meanwhile these politicians are making my life harder. I betcha they're part of the conspiracy." Shepard was raving at this point. 

_"I liked Shepard better before I met him_. _The greatest hero in the galaxy has one too many gears missing up there..." _

"And then-" Shepard was interrupted when Lucas' phone went off. Lucas stood up and activated the device on his ear.

"Lieutenant Von Seraph...Yes, he's here...before I do that, may I ask who is speaking?" Shepard looked up guessing he was the subject of the phone call. Lucas meanwhile suddenly huddled towards a corner of the room and spoke just below the Commander's range of hearing. The lieutenant hissed into phone.

"I have a good idea who you are, doctor. I'm pretty darn good at recalling voices and I just was speaking with you before the patient you are asking about. Just because you're a doctor does not make you qualified in _that_ kind of therapy. I don't think that would be very therapeutic for the Commander, anyway." Lucas snapped before shutting off his phone.

"Who was that?" Shepard asked as Lucas returned.

"Hm? Oh, wrong number." Lucas stated quickly.

"I see...so yeah, other than that, life's smooth sailing. It's good to have things cleared up and saved the Citadel. Still got to get the Reapers, though." Shepard stated, now smiling contently. The transformation was disconcerting. 

_"Yep...bi polar. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Paranoia. Probably more things in there that I haven't picked up on._"

"Well Shepard, I think I've heard enough. I'm ready to give you your evaluations." Lucas announced.

"Oh very good. What are we looking at?" Shepard asked.

"Not much. You're crew is in reasonable shape. I don't see any reason any of them need further help. Perhaps a follow up some time from now, but nothing major." Lucas stated.

"...What? Nothing? They're all good?" Shepard asked, clearly in disbelief.

"Yep. Pretty much."

"Surely at least one of them, I mean, Wrex, something has to be wrong with Wrex. He must need sensitivity training or something."

"No. Actually, Wrex is pretty emotional for a Krogan."

"What?!" Shepard asked in complete disbelief. Lucas shrugged.

"What about Liara?"

"Considering her circumstances and that she's in her maiden stage, her antics are completely normal." Lucas shrugged.

"This is quite a surprise." Shepard stated.

"Indeed. Alien psychology is quite a field and surprises even us. We got to judge them on their own terms. The only things I can suggest is to get Garrus away from the Mako sometime-"

"Wait. You don't trust him because he's Tur-"

"Not much you can do about Tali. Ashley however, take her to dinner. It'll help you a lot."

"Oh no, don't tell me she's manipulated you too."

"And Liara...well...not much you can do about that either." Lucas finished.

"My gosh, I don't want to hear what you have to say about me." Shepard sighed.

"Probably not, Commander. I suggest you go over several more tests with multiple psychologists. We're looking at extensive work here." Lucas stated calmly. Shepard seemed devastated.

"I'm sorry, but its for the best." Lucas consoled.

"But...the Reapers..."

"They can wait."

"I'm sorry, but they can't."

"Well, either way, you getting better is going to take some time." Lucas informed.

"Are you going to report this to Alliance Command?" Shepard asked.

"I'm afraid I have to."

"There's got to be a way I can convince you that I"m okay." Shepard stated.

"I'm afraid not."

"Well..." Shepard started.

"Well what?"

* * *

Lucas talked over the radio receiver to Admiral Hackett and Captain Anderson. The Lieutenant sat back in his chair and calmly gave his report.

"All in all, I say the crew is going to be fine. Even Commander Shepard. I'm convinced he'll do fine." Lucas stated.

"That's good to hear, Lieutenant." Hackett responded. Anderson could be heard making an approving grunt.

"Well, thanks for the report Lieutenant. Command out." Admiral Hackett dismissed, shutting off the comm link. Lucas looked across his desk.

"There, report in. You're clear. At the very least, although it' against my judgment, take the pills. They're a mild tranquilizer. They'll calm you during an episode." Lucas informed the Commander.

"All right. I'm glad I could convince you, Lieutenant." Shepard replied.

"Yes, now please stop pointing that pistol at my head."

Somehow, having completely even traits of paragon and renegade only reflected a troubled mind.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_Well, I think this is the end of the line, at least for awhile. Lucas Von Seraph will have his own drama to attend to in __Retrovirus__ and for the moment I have no clue what direction to point this story. For now, I'm calling it complete, but if anyone has ideas or something they would like to see, feel free to PM me and I'll see what I can do. Thanks to all who have reviewed, encouraged and helped in this not so serious exploration of apply philosophy to Mass Effect_


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: Okay, I know most of these were sarcastic, but I don't think this one will be overly so. What I really wanted to capture was the different cultures these two were from. There are a few sarcastic quips, but don't except belly explosion. Or maybe do. I don't know._

_Also, I decided to draft the Lieutenant again. Lord knows they're going to need a shrink for this. _

* * *

Garrus Vakarian growled softly to himself as he stamped through the Presidium. He was not in the best of moods and it was all because of that infuriating Quarian. Why did Tali have to be so darn frustrating? What was it about her that got him so worked up, anyway? Garrus pulled in another ragged breath before abruptly letting it out again. Simply put, the Turian was pissed. His bad mood spoiled over as he started mentally berating Shepard. If only that human Commander had not ordered both he and Tali to pick up that package down in the lower markets, none of this would have happened. This time, the former C-Sec officer sighed as he knew he was being ridiculous. Yes, it was all Tali's fault and there was no getting around it. Then again, it wasn't. _"Good grief, Garrus, get a hold of yourself."_

"Garrus, you look pissed." a gruff voiced interrupted. Garrus looked up. It was Wrex.

"I'm bored and you look like you got something that needs killing. Could I help?" the big Krogan asked. Garrus sighed again.

"No Wrex, I don't need anything killed, as much as I'd like it." the Turian admitted.

"If you'd like to, then why not kill it?" Wrex shrugged.

"The problem is slightly in crew member form." Garrus muttered sarcastically.

"So? Shepard doesn't keep track of everyone on board."

"I'm talking about Tali." Garrus snapped.

"All the more reason to. The only time she's useful is when she's on an away mission. Otherwise, she just stares at the drive core." Wrex stated.

"She is more useful than that! Besides, all you do is just stand around and mope." Garrus defended.

"Someone needs to have the job as the ship's jerk. I never pretended to be useful on board anyway. Now you're saying she's useful. Are you mad at her or not?" Wrex growled.

"Of course I'm mad at her. She's always in the way and makes things harder and grrr..." the Turian just let the sentence hang. Meanwhile, Wrex crossed his arms and stared at the Turian sternly.

"You've gone from mad, to defending, to frustrated. I'm no head doctor Garrus, but it sounds like you've got some really nasty case of pent up feelings for the Quarian." the Krogan deducted. Garrus stared at him horrified.

"I would never! The only pent up feelings I have for her are total and utter annoyance and frustration. She always gets into an argument with me and-"

"Oh shut up. The only possible explanation I can see is that she must've somehow pinched your left nut, not that there was much to begin with." Wrex snickered crudely. This only further drove Garrus into a temper tantrum.

"Now you're even worse than her, you sick minded prick." Garrus growled.

"Probably no worse than what your sick mind does to her in your darkest thoughts..." Wrex kept up.

"Grr...no wonder we castrated you all." the Turian snarled. Wrex's face immediately went dark.

"Bastard." the Krogan spat. They both stomped off in different directions.

Garrus eventually let his temper cool down to a simmer and decided he would walk into the embassy lounge to find something to drink or chew on. Maybe that would calm his anger down. Upon stepping inside, he found the lounge not all that crowded, just a few people chatting around or enjoying a meal or moment by themselves. Finding the atmosphere a bit comforting, the Turian headed towards the bar to get something while he let his mind wander on what he would probably want.

"Garrus? Mr. Vakarian?" a voice asked. Garrus stopped in his tracks.

"Over here." the voice instructed. Garrus looked to the table at his right.

"Long time, no see, Garrus. How are you?" the man with civilian clothes and a long black overcoat greeted. Garrus squinted trying to place the face.

"Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph?" Garrus asked.

"One and the same. Doing anything important?" Lucas asked curiously.

"Not really, I'm off duty."

"Well, good to see you're not a complete workaholic like I last thought. Grab a seat, I'll order you a drink or something." Lucas offered. Garrus thought it over.

"No, that's quite all right...though, I do have a few minutes to talk."

"Very well, how are you doing?" Lucas asked. Garrus involuntarily sighed.

"I'm okay. What are you doing here anyway, Lieutenant?" Garrus asked. Lucas chuckled uncomfortably.

"Well...I'm actually working with a team of psychologists and researchers are the moment. We're studying inter-species sexuality and relationships. The Alliance assigned me to get on board, at least for awhile. Seems like this exact thing is coming up a lot among soldiers and they want counselors like me to be better prepared." Lucas explained.

"Ahhh..."

"I must say I'm not all that comfortable with it. I'll admit I am a bit of a prude. Ugh, my last assignment was a bit too much for me. I had to sneak into Chora's Den and proceeded to observe a Turian as he 'observed' one of the Asari dancers. Very awkward, at least for me. I don't think the Turian noticed but perhaps the Asari did. That puzzled look on her face was priceless in retrospect." Lucas chuckled.

"I can imagine." Garrus mumbled. Lucas raised a sly eyebrow at him.

"You said you were okay, Garrus, but I sense something is amiss. I am off duty but feel free to talk to me as a friend." Lucas offered. The Turian sighed yet again.

"I've just been having problems with a rather frustrating crew member, that's all." Garrus shrugged.

"Tali?" Lucas asked. Garrus immediately got defensive.

"Why do you always think it's her? This is only the second time I've run into you and you think she has some special influence on my being." Garrus snapped. Lucas responded with a skeptical look.

"Garrus, my eyes have been replaced with special optical implants when I lost my original eyes in battle. There are subtle changes in facial expressions among humans when they are hiding something or are lying...Turians are no different. Besides, the reason I always think it is her in regards to you is because it usually IS her. At least, that was from what I gathered the last time we met." Lucas parried.

"Fine, I'll admit it does have something to do with her, but it has nothing to do with what you're suggesting." Garrus grumbled, folding his arms across his chest defensively.

"Very well, start in the beginning and I'll help you sort this out if you wish." Lucas offered. _"I wasn't suggesting anything, it's this Turian that always suggests what I am suggesting. Poor guy, he's hopeless." _

"All right, all right. It all started earlier today when Shepard asked me to pick up a crate somewhere in the lower markets. We were going to deliver it somewhere, but he also told me I'd need help. Turns out, it just had to be Tali..."

* * *

"All right, Tali. Just look sharp, step to it and we'll have this done in no time." Garrus stated as they walked into the elevator.

"Yes, Garrus." Tali stated. She sounded less than enthusiastic. Garrus glanced at her.

"Oh come on, you can sound happier than that. Stop moping around." Garrus scolded. After all, that was the Turian way; you did your service and duty and owned up for what you did. Service was a way of life.

"I am not moping." Tali growled. Strike two, never lie about what you do, it implies that you are ashamed of it. Even if it dishonorable, you own up to your actions.

"Well, I certainly have no need for this attitude." Garrus snapped, unhappily folding his arms in front of him.

"Would you just listen to me for once?"

"I am listening!"

"No you're not!"

"Fine, talk to me!"

"You know what, you're right, you don't need this." Tali retorted and also crossed her arms in front of her. The two rode the rest of the elevator in a tense silence.

Fortunately, there were no further problems and they found the package with relative ease. Garrus made sure everything was in order.

"Here, let me check the manifest so that everything is in order." Tali suggested.

"No, I'll take care of it." Garrus stated. He saw it as an act of charity. There was no reason for Tali to do this and he wanted to let her cool down. Besides, he could handle it.

"You should let me do something." Tali said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"No, don't worry about it." Garrus replied. He did not want her to tire. He felt this inexplicable feeling to do a service for her.

"I might be young, and haven't completed my Pilgrimage, but I am competent and I'm not a little girl." Tali grumbled.

"Don't worry, it's finished. Just help me carry this crate back to the _Normandy_." Garrus answered, taking one end of the package.

"All right." Tali agreed, finally cooperating. The two hefted up the package and went back towards the elevator.

"Tali, honestly, do you have to go so slow?" Garrus asked.

"You're going too fast. Stay calm, Garrus." Tali retorted.

"You want to stop and take a break?"

"What? I can handle this. Do not patronize me!" Tali snapped furiously.

"Fine, I'll just carry it myself." Garrus growled.

"What? No, let me help!" Tali shouted. However, the smaller Quarian couldn't fight Garrus wrestling the crate out of her grasp and stomping off. He was clearly strained, but he wasn't going to let his pride break now.

"Grr, Garrus!" Tali shouted behind him.

* * *

"And so she was completely uncooperative and slowed down the whole operation. When I did try to take over, she was agitated and became even more hostile. I took that crate because she wasn't able to do it, so I might as well have done it myself." Garrus explained. Lucas nodded.

"When you did that, were you doing it out of your sense of duty, or were you trying to help her? Think carefully." Lucas stated.

"Hmmm...duty first, to help her second." Garrus stated.

"Spoken like a true Turian. Do you think she saw it that way?" Lucas asked.

"Of course. She wasn't very appreciative."

"I don't know, perhaps she might have misunderstood."

"What was there to misunderstand? She couldn't do it, so I took the weight off of her and did it myself so she wouldn't have to. It's what you do among comrades in the unit." Garrus stated.

"This is true, Garrus. However, you never know. She is a Quarian after all."

"What's wrong with Quarians?" Garrus demanded. The Turian's sudden antics reminded Lucas of a protective dog coming in the defense of its master.

_"Or a protective Turian in the defense of its person of interest..."_

"Nothing is wrong with Quarians. However, everything you have stated is in the context of a Turian culture. Perhaps Tali does not understand this or simply there is another rational reason that we do not know about." Lucas stated.

"Good...I'm glad you're not one of the bigots who think that since the Quarians invented the Geth, they're therefore a lower species." Garrus stated in relief.

"Yes...Tali certainly isn't someone deserving to be disrespected, huh?" Lucas asked slyly.

"No. She deserves better. Much better." Garrus stated. Suddenly, his demeanor changed.

"I mean...she deserves better because of her talents and the person she is...I mean, that is-"

"Gotcha, now let's stop dodging the main problem and get to that, shall we?" Lucas asked, a vindicated finger pointed at the guilty Turian.

"I assure you, Lieutenant, my feelings for Tali are completely professional." Garrus said.

"Your tone is lacking your earlier resolve, Mr. Vakarian." Lucas retorted flatly.

"I-what...Why are you so certain about your hypothesis on this supposed interest I have in Tali?" Garrus asked, just above a whisper.

"Did you know that Turians' mandibles start trembling every so slightly when they're either guilty or lying?"

"What? No! Well...yeah, I was trained in interrogation. However, my mandibles are not trembling." Garrus asserted.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Then watch this." Lucas reached into his pocket and produce a small rosary. Before the Turian could protest, Lucas had hung the small trinket on one of Garrus' side mandibles. The cross noticeably jerked and swung in an up and down motion, a lot more than it should have. Lucas immediately retrieved his rosary.

"Convinced?"

"No." Garrus mumbled, barely even trying to put up a unified front anymore.

"Too bad. Now, how about we have a discussion about emotions, shall we?"

* * *

Tali sat at a one table on the Presidium. Her arms and legs were both crossed as she continued to pout after the spat she had with Garrus that morning. She was quietly relieved that her visor was so dark tinted. She could tell her face was still etched in an unhappy grimace but she did not want anyone to notice. Suddenly, she saw a familiar face walk by. She wasn't sure how she felt when that person greeted her.

"Hey Tali, what's up?"

"Hi, Chief Williams." Tali greeted flatly. Ashley Williams immediately became concerned.

"Are you all right, Tali? You don't seem yourself."

"I'll- I'll be all right." Tali stuttered.

"Are you sure? We can talk about it if you want. I wouldn't want to see you this way." Ashley consoled, taking a seat across from her Quarian friend.

"Oh...it was just Garrus. He was such a jerk this morning." Tali grumbled. Ashley raised her eyebrows slightly.

"Garrus? It doesn't sound like him to be like that."

"Well, maybe not around you, but he's certainly difficult around me."

"What do you mean?" Ashley asked.

"Well we always get in arguments, for one."

"You know, I did notice that..."

"It's not like I hate him. I really do like him as a fellow crew member, I really do. It's just...he says the wrong things." Tali opened her palms in exasperation.

"I'm on your side, Tali. However, it seems to me that you only encourage him when you two have your arguments." Ashley said carefully. Tali sighed as if about to make a confession.

"All right, all right. In a way I do encourage him, but it's only because I really want to have a decent conversation with him. I thought that if I keep talking to him then maybe the discussion will make a turn for the better. So no matter how annoying he gets, in a way I keep doing it because I want to talk to him...I just hope it'll get better." Tali explained.

"Wow Tali, in a way that sounded really masochistic. You're not into that stuff, are you? I mean, you're always in that suit of yours and that tube going around your arm is slightly resembling of the...uh, equipment." Ashley teased.

"Masochistic?" Tali asked curiously.

"Oh...you don't know what that is, do you?"

"No. Could you please explain?" Tali asked. Ashley could have sworn she saw the shadowy shape of the Quarian's eyes popping open after the explanation.

"Keelah. No wonder you humans can be so violent. You're practically conceived that-"

"Hey, we're not all into that, and in a way I was just teasing. Besides, you never got mad before about Garrus giving you an argument. It makes more sense now since you just see them as a way to talk. What did he do this time to make you so mad?" Ashley asked.

"Well it all started this morning..."

* * *

Tali walked next to Garrus as they proceeded towards the elevator that would lead them to the Wards and then to the Lower Markets. The Quarian was silently nervous about the whole affair. Garrus could be a pain at times, but he was a friend nonetheless and in a way, she may have even enjoyed his company. Suddenly, the larger Turian, enveloped in confidence and a few noticeable muscles, spoke up.

"All right, Tali. Just look sharp, step to it and we'll have this done in no time."

"Yes, Garrus." Tali stated nervously. She realized her tone was a bit off because of how she felt. It also probably didn't help that she was a bit tired, missing an hour or two more of sleep than she should have.

"Oh come on, you can sound happier than that. Stop moping around." Garrus scolded. Tali did not like that. She didn't want him to think she was not happy around him.

"I am not moping." Tali defended.

"Well, I certainly have no need for this attitude." Garrus snapped, unhappily folding his arms in front of him. Tali looked at him horrified. Of course she did not want to give him an attitude. She was just about to explain and he had beaten her to the punch.

"Would you just listen to me for once?" Tali asked.

"I am listening!" Garrus cried.

"No you're not!"

"Fine, talk to me!"

"You know what, you're right, you don't need this." Tali relented. She really did not want to give him an attitude and wanted to be pleasant around him. He really did not need it. She sadly folded her arms across her chest and hoped she could redeem herself.

Fortunately, there were no further problems and they found the package with relative ease. Garrus made sure everything was in order.

"Here, let me check the manifest so that everything is in order." Tali suggested enthusiastically. She really wanted to make up for earlier. She was going to do this as a type of gift to apologize.

"No, I'll take care of it." Garrus stated. Tali silently became dismayed. Was he still mad that he wouldn't let her help?

"You should let me do something." Tali asserted.

"No, don't worry about it." Garrus replied. The Quarian sighed but decided to point something out to him gently.

"I might be young, and haven't completed my Pilgrimage, but I am competent and I'm not a little girl."

"Don't worry, it's finished. Just help me carry this crate back to the _Normandy_." Garrus answered, taking one end of the package.

"All right." Tali agreed. Finally, she could help him. The two hefted up the package and went back towards the elevator. Now the Quarian realized that this crate was to be delivered, so it had to be treated with care. Gifts were important to Quarians and this was no different. She made sure to be extra careful with this gift to be delivered. Especially, if in a secret way, it was also her gift of helping Garrus for being annoying back there and ruffling his feathers.

"Tali, honestly, do you have to go so slow?" Garrus snapped.

"You're going too fast. Stay calm, Garrus." Tali explained. She didn't want him upset.

"You want to stop and take a break?"

"What? I can handle this. Do not patronize me!" Tali cried, realizing her temper was getting the better of her again.

"Fine, I'll just carry it myself." Garrus growled. No, that was the last thing she wanted him to do. She wanted this to be a gift to him.

"What? No, let me help!" Tali shouted. However, the smaller Quarian couldn't fight Garrus wrestling the crate out of her grasp and stomping off. He was clearly strained, but he wasn't going to let his pride break now.

"Grr, Garrus!" Tali shouted behind him. He had just ruined everything.

* * *

"I don't understand. Couldn't he tell I was trying to be helpful?" Tali stated dejectedly.

"I'm sorry about all of that, Tali. He was insensitive, but I don't think he would be outright malicious on purpose." Ashley said softly.

"I know he wouldn't...but it still hurts." Tali sighed, resting her chin in an open hand. Ashely put a comforting hand on her other paw which was resting on the table.

"Well you know what, I think you two need to have another talk." Ashley suggested.

"You sure he'll want to speak with me again...and listen to what I have to say?" Tali asked.

"I have just a plan to make sure he does." Ashley smiled.

"Really? What's your plan?"

"I'm going to coach you first." the marine grinned knowingly.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yes...there will be a continuation, don't worry.  
_


	13. Chapter 13

"If you want to get into the technical parts of it, really, we have no idea. Asari represent one extreme where a whole species is set on interbreeding with other races. The Batarians represent another where they flat out cut themselves off from the rest of the galaxy. All in all, if there is any physical compatibility, it at the very least should be within the consent of both parties. As for ethical, civic and theological discussions...well...there hasn't been any. This has been all relatively new and it takes a long time for studies, conventions, the Church, governments, minds and hearts to work together. Not to mention that there will always be minority parties, idiots and the like. At this point, it's up to the individuals." Lucas rambled.

"I think I have all the etiquette together, Lieutenant. It's the other part of what you said that I'm having trouble with." Garrus admitted.

"Why is that?"

"This is kind of going against the grain of what I was taught." Garrus mumbled. Lucas nodded sympathetically.

"You wouldn't be the first and it's not even unique to your culture. Even in human cultures males are expected to be confident and in control. This has led many men to believe that they're suppose to be non-emotional as well. However, this isn't always the most healthy path." Lucas explained.

"Well, I'm not about to start acting on every single emotional whim that comes to mind. If that were the case, Wrex and I would have beaten each other into a pulp a long time ago." Garrus informed.

"Acknowledging your emotions does not necessarily mean also acting on them. You must find your balance of acknowledging your emotions and releasing them in a constructive manner."

"I'm still not sure about this, Lieutenant."

"Well considering that you've told me that this has been a habit of yours for a long time, I'm not exactly expecting you to suddenly take up romantic poetry." Lucas stated. He discreetly put a hand to his mouth and chewed the heel of his hand. It was all he could do to keep from laughing at the mental image of Garrus being crossed with Shakespeare. _"Ach, Garrus and Tali really do not make for Romeo and Juliet." _

"So what are you suggesting?" the Turian asked.

"Go up to her in a proper time and place. Tell her there is something you really need to talk to her about. Be open, honest and let her know that she is free to act however she wishes. You just needed to tell her that to let it off your chest because it was bothering you so much. Make sure she feels safe and that you give her your complete attention." Lucas stated.

"Hmm...I just don't know, Lieutenant..." Garrus stated, scratching a head plume nervously with a talon.

"If anything, you should at least apologize. Even if you feel you don't need to, an apology would probably get her ear. You couldn't have possibly been completely innocent, no offense, Garrus." Lucas suggested.

"I suppose...but that means I have a lot of apologizing to do." Garrus muttered.

"Oh, don't over do it. _Alle Sünden in eine münden._" Lucas stated in his native German.

"...What did you say?" Garrus asked incredulously.

"An old saying we have at home. 'All sins flow into one.' Basically, just apologize once for all those times you were a jerk." Lucas suggested.

"I suppose that is logical."

"And remember, embrace your emotions."

"...That sounded extremely non-masculine." Garrus muttered.

"I know...but it isn't masculine to suddenly explode in a fury of pent up feelings either." Lucas conceded. Garrus thought for a moment.

"Lucas, I really could use your help through this." the Turian admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"Just give me a few pointers."

"I already did."

"No...as the conversation is happening."

"Garrus, you should be yourself." Lucas stated firmly.

"I will be, but I'd feel better if you gave tips as we went along...you know, keep me in line, make sure I'm listening, that sort of stuff. I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it. I mean, it's not like I can ask Wrex." Garrus shrugged. Lucas sighed as he thought it over.

"All right...lets try to find a way to work this out..."

* * *

"So you honestly believe this will work?" Tali asked nervously.

"Yes. You must be assertive and firm. All of the Williams women have been and when we speak, everyone listens." Ashley smirked.

"If being assertive is a surefire way, why didn't you do that outright with Shepard instead of beating around the issue until-"

"T-That was under different, human circumstances. Much more complicated. Yes, complicated." Ashley sputtered.

"Yes...you humans have a way of complicating things...no offense, Chief." Tali muttered.

"No taken and guilty as charged."

"...Ashley, I don't know if I can do this...It's one thing to go firing away at Geth and scum trying to ambush you. It's a completely different matter to call out a friend and fellow crew member." Tali said.

"I know, but remember, its only going to be between the two of you. Don't do it in public with everyone listening otherwise you won't be any better than he is. Once you have his attention, pull him aside and lay down the law and make sure he understands you. Be strong and firm. Got it, Tali?" Ashley prepped.

"Got it, Chief." Tali nodded.

"All right, go get em, girl." Ashley encouraged.

"Uh...one last thing, Ashley." Tali reported.

"What is it?"

"Could you just stick around and...listen in and give me a few pointers...make sure I'm doing it right?" Tali asked.

"Hmmmm...I think that can be arranged..."

* * *

Garrus wrung his talons nervously. The lieutenant had gone ahead of him and was weaving his way through the crowds, keeping an eye out for the Quarian in question. The plan was that once he discreetly spotted her, he would warn Garrus to stay put before analyzing the situation. Upon deciding on the optimal positions, Lucas would then find a secluded spot to both monitor the situation and walk Garrus through the discussion. Lucas would never have to be in sight as the two tech savvy individuals had linked up a wireless system. The lieutenant would feed Garrus' electronic eye scanner silently through an omni-tool. Garrus read a message flash on his scanner.

**"Hold position. Visual on target twenty feet ahead at walkway intersection. Target is stationary. Working optimal positions now."** Garrus immediately sighed after reading that, trying to steady his nerves. He hoped the lieutenant would take his time.

* * *

Tali clasped her paws together to keep them from trembling with anxiety. Chief Williams was a master at setting up an ambush. This particular intersection was chosen because it was a major route on the Citadel and one that Garrus would most certainly have to take if he wanted to return to the _Normandy_. All they had to do was wait. In the meantime, Ashley, otherwise unnoticeable in her civilian clothes, was a decent distance from the Quarian. She was across from Tali, so the Quarian could watch for visual clues on what to do and how to conduct herself. Unknown to them, they were not as closely connected as their counterparts, but Ashley was there more for emotional support. She was confident Tali could otherwise handle herself.

"Why can't this be as simple as hacking into a synthetic?" Tali whined quietly.

* * *

Garrus was suddenly alerted by another message flashing across his scanner. It was Lucas' instructions.

**"Proceed forward. Caution: target appears to be waiting."** Garrus read the message, pulled in a deep breath and let it out slow. The Turian walked forward with predetermined, calculated steps. He found it bizarre that he could run into a battle but plod miserably into a straight talk with Tali.

The Turian saw Lucas before he saw the Quarian. The counselor incognito was looking down from an overhead walkway, casually working on his omni-tool, or at least, from what it might have looked like from others. That's when he spotted Tali, the Quarian was standing off to the side of the walkway intersection. Tali was standing rubbing his paws together in what seemed to be a nervous manner. Garrus hoped he didn't further distress her.

_"I'm distressed enough personally as it is..." _

Tali noticed the Turian walking toward her. She immediately glanced off to the side where Ashley was waiting at a wall and out of sight. The Alliance marine immediately motioned for her to stand up straighter and take a firmer stance. Tali mentally kicked herself. She immediately squared her shoulders and placed her paws at her hips to stare with confidence (or bravado) at the approaching Turian. Tali couldn't quite place the look on Garrus' face, but she hoped he wasn't sick or anything.

_"I'm about ready to hurl, myself...not that that would be advisable in this suit..." _

Lucas watched the spectacle unfold from his perch overhead. Garrus was now in a comfortable talking distance between the two, and from what he picked up from the audio mic from Garrus' scanner, neither had said anything. Okay, now was the moment of truth. Lucas immediately started typing into his omni-tool to tell Garrus to calmly apologize. He never got to finish the message. He didn't notice that below him, Ashley had made a decisive gesture of a clenched fist, letting Tali know to let Garrus have it.

"Garrus, we need to talk." Tali stated sternly. The Quarian glanced nervously at Ashley who was nodding approvingly. Garrus meanwhile was taken off guard.

"Yes, this is true. I would like to say-"

"No Garrus, I want you to listen to me." Tali interrupted. Garrus was flabbergasted. He glanced up nervously at Lucas. Lucas held up a cautionary hand letting the Turian know to stay calm.

"You were most rude to me this morning and I did not appreciate it." Tali informed.

"Tali, I was not trying to be-" Garrus was interrupted again by a message from Lucas.

**"Hold. Turn the other cheek." **Garrus furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Shrugging, Garrus broke eye contact and turned his head to the side.

"No Garrus, you will let me finish and you will look at me, got it?" Tali asked, still holding a stern voice. Garrus was at a lost with what to do. What was the point of turning the other cheek anyway? Fortunately, another message was received.

**"Not literally. Be forgiving. Let her say her piece and vent. You stay silent and listen. No matter what."**

_"Ahhh...stupid human idioms..."_

"I just want you to know, Garrus, that I don't appreciate you always giving me a hard time and treating me like I can't do anything. I wanted to help you with that crate, but you wouldn't let me. That really hurt and you were insensitive." Tali hammered.

_"Gosh, I hope I'm not being too assertive. What if I hurt his feelings?"_ Tali thought nervously. However, Ashley was still nodding so she must be doing all right. Garrus meanwhile was staring at her grim as death.

"So Garrus, I will not tolerate this behavior from you anymore. I want you to know this the next time we work together. You will let me help you...because I want to help you..." Tali finished a bit weakly. She really wanted to keep that last part in but it kind of dropped out. She suddenly felt spineless again. Unknown to her, Garrus saw a single word flash across his screen again.

**"Apologize." **

"Okay...Tali, I want to tell you that-"

**"Gently.**"

"That...you see I...well, all those things that happened...well, about what I did, and all that other stuff..." Garrus kept sputtering.

_"This is hard...I want it to sound proper...what was it that the Lieutenant said...ah yes!" _

"Tali, it's as the humans say..."

"Well...?" Tali asked, regaining her stern tone.

"Alle Sünden in eine münden." Garrus blathered mindlessly.

Up on his perch, Lucas went through a mental spasm of nearly falling over and breaking out in hysterics. Unbelievably, Garrus had just spoken perfect German. However, he also realized that this wasn't exactly the best development and immediately started sending another message.

Tali again glanced nervously at Ashley, not quite sure what the heck Garrus just said. He did say it was a human expression, though it must've using human words she wasn't all that familiar with. Ashley was also confused and could only shrug.

"...What did you say, Garrus?" Tali asked.

"What I meant to say is that-" Garrus nearly sputtered in horror at the single word on his screen.

**"KISS."**

_"...Oh...oh my...does that human knows what he's doing?...Well...all right..." _Taking the leap of faith, Garrus shifted nervously. He placed both his talons gently on Tali's shoulders and leaned down.

"Garrus, what are you doing?" Tali asked weakly. Garrus was literally five inches from the visor when another message came in. He watched as each letter spread out, each standing for a word.

**"KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID."**

Garrus sighed with this recent turn of events. He was also still just five inches from Tali's visor. This was suddenly very awkward. He sighed and glanced up nervously again at the lieutenant who was looking very concerned.

"Garrus...are you all right?" Tali inquired softly. He realized his talons were starting to tremble. He suddenly remembered what the lieutenant said about those darn things called emotions.

Tali yelped as she suddenly felt herself squashed next to Garrus as the Turian gathered her up in a heartfelt hug. For the last time she glanced at Ashley. Unfortunately, the marine was too dumbfounded to do anything except gawk. With a small shrug but a smile, Tali returned the hug too. That was only when she realized her legs were dangling. After all, Garrus was taller than her. Garrus meanwhile didn't notice one last message flash across his screen since his eyes were closed.

**"Mission Accomplished! Thank God.**"

Meanwhile, Ashley continued to stare at the bizarre sight. She wasn't the only one. Nearby pedestrians slowed down a bit but continued walking nonetheless. Ashley almost didn't notice Wrex walk up next to her.

"...By his left nut...what are they doing?"

"I think it's called a hug, Wrex."

"But...they were just at each others' throats this morning!" Wrex cried.

"I don't get it either..."

Only several feet away, Garrus still had Tali in an embrace, also not quite aware that he had lifted her off her feet. He suddenly remembered about his apology.

"Tali, I'm sorry about all those times I gave you a hard time. Perhaps we haven't really been seeing eye to eye. Let's talk it over from now on...I...I just want to be your friend."

"I want to be your friend too, Garrus."


	14. Chapter 14

_Parental Possession Problems_

Garrus sat atop the Mako rover in the garage section of the ship. The Turian was very pleased, so much so that his mandibles were tilted in such a way to show a full grin, if Turians were able to do such a thing. All maintenance problems were taken care of and Tali had just stopped by to visit him before getting back to her duties in engineering. All in all, it looked like the day's work was done and it was only halfway through the day.

"Now all what is left to do is just look forward to when a certain Quarian will be off duty..." Garrus muttered to himself, a faraway look in his eyes. Garrus wasn't exactly the most bubbly type, but his mood was at such an apex that he nearly wanted everyone else to share in the good mood. Of course, he had to rethink if he really did want everyone to bask in that glow when he noticed Wrex walk by. The Krogan was wearing a longer scowl than usual. Hesitating a bit, the Turian decided it was probably best to at least attempt to do the right thing.

"Wrex, are you all right?" Garrus asked.

"Not really." Wrex grumped.

"Anything I can help with?"

"You know what...maybe you can. You're a C-Sec officer, so you'd probably know what to do." Wrex stated thoughtfully. Garrus immediately balked.

"Whoa now, don't tell me anymore. I don't want you to get arrested, but I also want to watch out for myself. If I don't know what you did, illegal or otherwise, we're both good." Garrus stated quickly.

"It's not what I did." Wrex defended.

"Then what is it?"

"It's who I did..."

"What!?" Garrus cried.

"Yeah, that's what I said too..." Wrex mumbled.

"You didn't remember?"

"Even worse, it seems it has produced an offspring." Wrex stated, shaking his head discouragingly.

"But I thought most Krogan were sterile. You included." Garrus offered.

"Again, that's what I thought too..."

"Well, look at it this way. At least you have another Krogan in existence."

"It's not another Krogan." Wrex stated quietly. Garrus furrowed his eyebrows, clearly confused.

"...What?"

"...It's the product of an Asari melding..."

"HOLY CRAP! YOU SEDUCED LIARA!?"

"Excuse me...but are you two talking about me?" Liara's voice suddenly interrupted. The two soldiers turned their heads to look at the bewildered Asari.

"Is something wrong?" Liara asked curiously. Garrus immediately leaped off the Mako and rushed to her.

"Okay, Dr. T'soni, just stay calm." Garrus blathered. Wrex meanwhile looked like he was about to panic or blow a fuse.

"...W-what? I don't understand..." Liara said.

"I know it must have been traumatizing, but don't try to repress it. Just stay calm, we'll get it all taken care of the next time we run into a proper medical and psychiatric facility." Garrus continued.

"...But...what's wrong with me? What was traumatizing?" Liara asked timidly.

"Garrus, you idiot! It's not Liara who's knocked up!" Wrex shouted. Garrus immediately clammed up.

"...Whoops..."

"...Knocked...up...?" the Asari scientist whimpered. Garrus became frantic again.

"Er...everything I just told you...forget about it." the Turian ordered.

"Has someone been physically abused? That's what you mean by 'knocked up,' right? We should probably get medical attention for them." Liara offered.

"Oh gods...I feel a massive headache coming on..." Wrex growled with frustration, rubbing his head. Garrus caught the drift.

"Um, no Liara, that is not what 'knocked up' means. Nevermind Wrex and I, just get going back to the medical lab." Garrus sputtered, hurrying the Asari along.

"Then what does it mean?" Liara asked as she was pushed towards the elevator. Garrus hit the activation button.

"Go ask Chief Williams." the Turian called before turning back to Wrex.

"Well, who is it?" Garrus asked when things calmed down.

"Aleena." Wrex answered.

"Aleena? But I thought nothing happened between you two." Garrus stated. Wrex threw his claws to the air. Clearly, that was something he had also thought but was recently proven wrong.

"So did I. Maybe something happened back at that bar when we both really got hammered."

"In more ways than one as it would so appear." Garrus muttered.

"Don't remind me."

"So what exactly is the specifics of the problem?" the Turian asked.

"All I know is that I got a message a couple of hours ago from the extranet. It was from Aleena. She said that she needs someone to watch 'the little one,' as she called it, and that I was the only one who was proper for the job since I was 'responsible.'" Wrex explained.

"I take it she's not going to take 'no' for an answer."

"Knowing her, no. She even told me where to meet her..." Wrex announced. Garrus immediately lit up.

"Well, there you go. You couldn't make the destination and there's nothing you can do." Garrus offered.

"That tin can excuse wouldn't fly past her. Besides, it's exactly where we're going right now, the Citadel." Wrex groaned.

"Oh my, talk about rotten luck." Garrus winced.

"I swear, don't remind me. I'm about to have a migraine that would've made the late Alenko shrug off his as a minor headache." Wrex snapped. Garrus meanwhile thought carefully.

"Hmmm...the problem is that the law is in her favor. You could request a paternity test, but if you're both certain the child is yours, then it's probably no use. You could place the child in foster care, but that would have to be within the consent of both parents, not to mention a ton of paperwork. There's no easy way out of this one. The easiest one is to just take it into your own care." Garrus stated.

"But the child is going to be an Asari!" Wrex cried.

"That is irrelevant. The child will have parts of your genetic makeup. Although it is technically an Asari, it is also a Krogan. At least, that's what common sense would dictate. I'm kind of surprised more Krogan haven't done this thing, intermingling with Asari. At least part of their genetic heritage would pass on...provided they could somehow woo an Asari. No offense, I just really can't see an Asari easily falling for a Krogan..." Garrus muttered.

"Ugh..." was all what Wrex could grunt.

"Either the Krogan would have to do some serious courtship and get really lucky...or get the Asari drunk enough..." Garrus thought aloud absentmindedly. Only two seconds later did he realize what he just said. To make matters worse, he found himself looking at a very pissed off Wrex.

"Oh crap, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-ack!"

"You idiot, how many times do I have to tell you not to remind me!?" Wrex growled, a heavy claw roughly clamped around Garrus' throat.

"What are you two idiots doing?" another voice interrupted. Wrex and Garrus both glanced to the side to find Ashley Williams glaring at them, her hands at her hips. The look she had on her face seemed very reminiscent of a stern mother catching two quarrelsome children. Wrex sighed and let Garrus go. The Turian immediately started heaving in air.

"Nothing you need to know about, Williams." Wrex grumped. Ashley just raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure? I was just getting back from lunch when Liara came up to me and asked what 'knocked up' meant. She also stated it had something to do with you two, and when I come down here, I find you two getting a little physical." Ashley stated skeptically.

"Its...well...uh..." Garrus gasped, still trying to get as much air as he needed before he noticed Wrex glaring at him again. The Turian immediately shut up.

"Wrex, don't be mean. What did you do?" Ashley asked firmly.

"Apparently, I did Aleena without even recalling and it seems like I now have an Asari/Krogan child who is going to be calling me 'daddy' as soon as we land on the Citadel." Wrex growled. Ashley's eyes bulged out before her mouth dropped.

"...Wow...Wrex...I-I don't know what to say..." Ashley sputtered.

"Don't remind him!" Garrus rasped. Before anyone else could say anything, Tali showed up, much to Wrex's further growing agitation.

"Hey all! Garrus...are you all right? What happened?" the Quarian asked worriedly. By now, Garrus had just about worked off the effects of a Krogan stranglehold.

"I'll be all right. It's Wrex we should be worried about." Garrus announced.

"Wrex? Why, what happened to you?" Tali asked, still holding concern.

"Look, I'd really rather to not have the whole ship knowing-"

"He's a father now." Ashley interrupted.

"Grrrrr!"

"But, I thought Krogan were sterile." Tali said.

"It's half Asari." Garrus explained.

"...Liara!?" Tali cried in alarm.

"I swear, I'm this close to blowing a fuse!" Wrex growled, though no one seemed to pay attention.

"No, Aleena." Ashley corrected.

"Oh, that makes more sense." Tali agreed.

"Well Wrex, I really hope you're not thinking about going off and ditching this child. You are, after all, the father." Ashley stated.

"Yes, life is precious, especially among Krogan. Quarians who are restricted to only one child per couple also know this painfully." Tali added.

"Look, I really don't need to be reminded of all of this." the extremely agitated Krogan stated, just nano-meters from falling off the proverbial edge.

"It's okay Wrex, if you're not good with children, I'm sure Tali, myself, Dr. Chakwas and even Liara could help out a bit, at least while you're on the ship." Ashley offered. Tali nodded in agreement.

"There, it's not the end of the galaxy now anymore, is it?" Garrus stated nervously. Wrex furrowed his brow in thought. That was immediately shattered by yet another newcomer.

"I heard my name again. Are you sure all of you are not hiding something from me?" Liara asked, showing up yet again. She was immediately bombarded on the latest events in Wrex's life, who so happened to be turning into a brilliant shade of red.

"Wrex, calm down, it's going to be all right." Garrus stated. He immediately found Wrex's claws clamped around his neck again as he was raised to the air.

"CALM DOWN!? I DID NOT KNOW I WAS A FATHER UNTIL TWO HOURS AGO AND I'M ABOUT TO BE ACUTELY REMINDED OF THAT IN ANOTHER THIRTY MINUTES AND YOU WANT ME TO BE CALM!? YOU WANT ME TO BE CALM WHEN THERE'S GOING TO BE A MINIARTURE ME AND ALEENA RUNNING AROUND ON THE _NORMANDY!?"_ Wrex screamed.

"Keelah, Wrex, put him down!" Tali shouted.

"P-please?" Garrus gasped. He immediately found himself on the floor.

"I'm sure this is very traumatic for you Wrex, but you must find a way to calm your emotions." Liara said.

"You got any ideas?" Wrex demanded. Garrus immediately activated his omni-tool.

"Here, perhaps Lieutenant Von Seraph might have a few tips. I have his number." Garrus offered, telling the device to send out the message. Wrex just sulked as he was convinced this wouldn't help at all. They all heard the line open up on the other end. They were a little shocked to hear continual, dull booms coming from the device. Suddenly, they heard the lieutenant's voice.

"...What? Who the heck is calling me!?" Von Seraph, the usually stoic counselor, sounded very agitated.

"Uh, sorry Lieutenant. We just have a little problem and thought perhaps you could help." Garrus stated apologetically.

"Problem!? Garrus, I'm in the middle of a special forces mission! Do you hear all that gunfire in the background!? That's the sound of a mission going wrong! I will get a hold of you when I am not being shot at!" Lucas yelled before the line went dead. That being said, they all stood in uncomfortable silence.

"Fat lot of good that did me." Wrex grumbled, his claws crossed in front of his chest. They suddenly heard someone clear their throat. They all turned in the proper direction. It was Commander Shepard. The Commander, glancing at the bewildered faces in front of him, stopped and took in a deep breath. He also popped two of the tranquilizer pills he had been prescribed.

"I'm only going to ask this...do I want to know?" Shepard asked carefully.

"NO." everyone else answered in unison.

"Okay...everyone, we've landed on the Citadel. Feel free to take shore leave." Shepard announced before going back on his way. No one breathed a sigh of relief. Wrex meanwhile had turned a vicious shade of purple.

* * *

Garrus and Wrex waited at the designated area. Both were really rather nervous, but showed it in different ways. Garrus was rather on edge because he wanted to make sure the Krogan remained as calm as possible, as much as he doubted that was even a option anymore. Wrex was agitated for obvious reasons. Garrus just fidgeted. Wrex simply sulked, his scowl the longest anyone had ever seen it.

"See her anywhere?" Garrus asked.

"Nope." Wrex grumbled. Suddenly, they heard someone behind him. Garrus felt a chill race up his spine. Wrex sighed heavily.

"Wrex...a pleasure to see you again." Aleena smiled.

"You as well...I guess." Wrex answered. Garrus decided he would stay out of this one.

"Well, here you go. Keep an eye on him for the next three weeks." Aleena stated simply, handing Wrex a large bundle of cloth wrappings. Before Wrex could say anything, the little one's face popped out of the cloth. Garrus and Wrex were not quite sure on how to react.

"But...it's..." Garrus sputtered.

"Aleena...are you sure..."

"Yep...he's yours." Aleena told Wrex.

"But...it's...a Varren!" Garrus cried.

Sure enough, under all that cloth wrapping, was a Varren, barely older than a pup. The little animal let out a small bark before staring at Wrex again, who was holding the creature out at arm's length. Wrex knew he needed an explanation on this one. Garrus especially wanted an explanation because at least common sense would say that an Asari and Krogan does not a Varren make.

"He's yours because this is the little guy that helped me escape that exploding space station. If it weren't for you Wrex, I would not have adopted this little guy. So take care of him for the next three weeks and then I'll take him off your hands." Aleena stated before simply walking off. This left Wrex and Garrus staring in utter bewilderment.

"This was...rather...unexpected." Garrus said. Wrex just grunted, staring at the Varren.

"You okay, Wrex?" Garrus asked.

Wrex did have a strange look in his eye. Little did the Turian know, the Krogan was going through a bunch of emotions. Foremost was bitter relief that it wasn't really his child, but at the same time, it was a disappointment. A part of Wrex had honestly hoped that there was another Krogan in the galaxy, even if it were only going to be a half Korgan. Then again, this creature was the closest he had ever gotten, and perhaps ever will, to becoming a father. Even in the calloused Krogan battlemaster, this nearly hit a special place of attachment. That's when he realized he felt something else. Wrex felt a stream of water hitting his foot.

"Oh...oh gosh. That thing just urinated all of y-"

"I am so taking this thing to the pound." Wrex growled.


	15. Chapter 15

_After Medication_

Commander Johannes Shepard reclined back in his chair and smiled. It wasn't one of those little smiles. It was a full grin showing off all those pearly whites. With the way he was feeling, it was almost a sin to not smile with all one's might. As the _Normandy_ boldly went through the reaches of space, you'd almost expect to see butterflies and little squirrels frolic by, as if space was a vast peaceful meadow. In fact, it almost was. After all, the galaxy was finally a perfect place. From the least to the greatest, all those pesky decisions were a thing of the past. All those problems had been solved.

The Council was actually relevant and no longer blind by politics. Ambassador Udina could be found smiling confidently at his desk instead of being in a perpetual sour mood. Alliance Command actually had a fleet at its disposal to actually take care of problems. Meanwhile, Garrus could be seen skipping happily to his new job at C-Sec. (Which now consisted of just handing out candy to children since crime was non-existent.)

Ashley Williams was off his ship and now had her own vessel to command, the stigma of the Williams family completely gone. Dr. Liara T'soni now had some other poor sap to hit on (Udina) allowing Shepard to keep his sanity. Tali meanwhile was given permission to build modern drive cores back on the Flotilla. The only modification to the design was to take off the buffer on the engine, making them comfortably noisy.

The Krogan no longer faced extinction thanks to a cure to the Genophage that was recently developed. Of course, no one told the Krogan that cure also involved a personality altering agent. Now, the Krogan are able to breed and are as benign as bunny rabbits. The only reported way for a Krogan to traumatize anything anymore is to cuddle it to death. (Wrex is already responsible for ending three lives this way.)

Now people actually got their problems solved the normal way, instead of asking the nearest Spectre to take care of it. Asari consorts were actually respectable and Turian generals stuck within their own league. Salarians who needed to count Keepers simply went on the computer and tracked how many terminals there were instead of hunting for them manually. Elevators were a thing of the past thanks to warp technology and reporters did things the old fashion way. (Finding a Deep Throat source, rather than resorting to questionable procedures, such as hidden cameras.)

People knew better than to blackmail doctors or build Artificial Intelligence computers to get themselves illegal money. If they were stupid enough to do that, they at least knew better than to give the same AI the capacity to build something like a bomb.

People no longer committed suicide in front of other people. They simply reported to the fluffy padded room until they felt better. All the races of the galaxy got one step closer to enlightenment by dismantling nuclear weapons. (And not handing them out like candy.) Galactic companies learned the joys of honest capitalism. (Instead of trying to turn everything into a weapon.) And mercenaries and pirates all found an honest living. (Instead of killing things.) As for the Terminus System problem, that was solved when a black hole formed in the area.

As for the Geth and Reapers? That situation was taken care of with a rather simple solution. Humans looked back into their history dating back to the 20th and 21st century and found the answer. Now, the Geth and Reapers are all infected with a little program dubbed the "Wuv Bug." The name says it all.

Yes, the universe was finally perfect and paragon points were handed out like free candy. "Almost like these little blue pills." Shepard thought happily to himself.

* * *

Lucas Von Seraph was shuffling through the papers on his desk when his phone informed him of an incoming call. He sighed a little when he recognized the number. Nonetheless, he answered the call.

"Hello again, Garrus. Do you have another problem?" Lucas asked.

"Uh yeah...but...how did you know?" Garrus' nervous voice asked.

"Just a gut feeling, that's all." Lucas muttered.

"Yeah well...did you happen to prescribe certain pills for the Commander?" Garrus asked. Lucas was immediately alarmed.

"Uh, no. I only gave him one bottle of NeoValium. That one bottle should have been enough to treat his problems. He would have required a prescription for continued use of the product, something I did NOT give him." Lucas instructed.

"Well...he seems to have gotten a prescription...though we're not quite sure where. I think it's interesting to note that Dr. Chawkwas seems to have developed a fear of shotguns about a month ago." Garrus reported. Lucas got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I see, Garrus...is there anything else to report...?"

"Well, the problem is that Shepard seems to be a lot more mellow as of late. As a matter of fact, he's passed out right now on the bridge."

"Uh huh...well, Garrus, I'm going to be blunt."

"What do you mean?"

"The Commander is no longer bi-polar. He is now a drug addict. Get him to rehab immediately."


	16. Chapter 16

_Returning Dramas_

Admiral Hackett and Captain Anderson stared through a window pane with painfully thoughtful faces. Anderson himself rubbed his chin between his forefinger and thumb as he regarded what he saw. The two men were soon joined by the shifty looking Director of Alliance Intelligence. Finally, one last military soldier walked up to join them. Admiral Hackett addressed the latest newcomer.

"Lieutenant Von Seraph, I'm not sure whether to chew you out or thank you for this recent turn of events."

"I would not blame you for either." Lt. Lucas Von Seraph saluted solemnly.

"What are we going to do with them?" the Director of Intelligence asked.

"You make it sound like something that needs to be covered up." Anderson muttered.

"Actually, it does." the director retorted.

"Director, perhaps we should take this one step at a time." Lucas suggested, though his tone suggested he was clearly put off.

"Yes, I agree." Admiral Hackett muttered, rubbing his chin.

"No, we can not afford such a breach. One of the crew members was given a piece of Geth technology vital to our intelligence. We can't just let that walk away!" the Director blathered.

"Look, how about we just hear this story out before we make any rash decisions." Lucas stated.

"A good idea. I assume you know where to start since you've been the psychological evaluator for the crew since this started?" Hackett asked the lieutenant.

"Yes...we'll have to ask the one crew member who wasn't thrown in a straight jacket..." Lucas mumbled as he led the men down the hallway.

The building had sterile blue walls befitting a medical institution. However, even the lowest nurse was of military grade who had undergrone thorough psychological and background checking. A very no nonsense atmosphere brooded over the whole area. Lucas led the three other men to a door.

"This one should be able to explain everything, though he's in a bit of a bind." Lucas explained as he walked inside. Anderson was the first to speak.

"Oh...it's you." Anderson stated, sounding rather unenthusiastic.

"Yeah, a warm welcome to you too, Captain."

Lying in a medical bed with both his legs in a cast was the rather sarcastic navigator semi-affectionately known as "Joker."

"Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, you already know Captain Anderson, I am Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph. These men are Admiral Hackett and the Director of Alliance Intelligence." Lucas greeted.

"I prefer 'Joker,' thanks." Joker smirked.

"As you will."

"What happened to your legs, Joker?" Anderson asked with only a hint of concern.

"Ah well, you see, a hot Asari offered to teach me the tango and I couldn't resist." Joker sneered, his voice practically radiating sarcasm.

"You were easily beguiled by an alien?" the Director of Intelligence demanded.

"Whoa, calm down there big guy, I was joking." Joker smiled. Anderson rolled his eyes. The Director meanwhile furrowed his brows as if trying to search his memory banks for the definition of the word "Joke."

"According to the report I received, your legs broke when Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, and I quote, 'bugged out and collapsed into your lap.'" Lucas announced, reading from a data pad in his hand.

"That's what I told the nurses." Joker nodded.

"Lieutenant, I'd like to know where you're going with this." Admiral Hackett stated more than asked.

"From what I gathered, the Flight Lieutenant's current predicament-"

"Predicament? Forced vacation with a bunch of pretty nurses tending to my every whim? I'd say this is actually pretty good." Joker interrupted.

"As I was saying, the chain of events that brought Joker here is the tip of the iceberg on why his fellow crew members are in that room over there." Lucas motioned with his head to the side.  
"I see, very well. Flight Lieutenant, tell us what you know." Admiral Hackett ordered.

"Well Admiral, it all started just two days ago. The whole crew was getting ready for Commander Shepard's return from the rehab and all. I was minding my own business, setting a course to pick him up. It was everyone else that was the problem."

"And we are to assume you had nothing to do with it?" Anderson asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ouch, that's low, Captain. Of course I'm innocent of the whole charade." Joker defended.

"Just continue with the story, Joker." Lucas stated.

"Anyway, the current drama in the spotlight was Garrus and Tali." Joker started. Lucas rolled his eyes. Hackett, Anderson and the Director of Intelligence looked a bit confused.

"The Turian and Quarian. They're kind of dating." Joker explained. The blank looks continued.

"Yeah, completely unexpected, right?" Joker grinned.

"What, pray tell, happened with those two?" Lucas demanded.

"They got into an argument."

"The reports told me that they always get into arguments."

"Well yeah, half of their conversations are arguments. We just learned that that's just how they talk to each other. Personally, I assume it's just because of their forced platonic relationship. I mean, Tali stuck in that suit and all, you just can't do anything. Got to be frustrating. At least, we assume nothings happening between them, there's always the possibility-"

"Then what made this argument different from the others?" Lucas interrupted, trying to steer the topic away from the direction it was headed in.

"Well, turns out that this was a real argument. Tali was giving Garrus the cold shoulder and ignoring his existence. Garrus wasn't too happy about that and so he was spending an awful lot of time and energy worrying about it." Joker explained.

"What does that have anything to do with the current state of affairs?" Anderson asked.

"Darn Turians, I knew they were out to get us..." the Director muttered, winning him several dirty looks from the others.

"I'm getting there. Anyway, with Garrus sitting on the Mako and pouting to beat the band, Ashley and Wrex became concerned. Well, maybe Ashley got concerned. It seemed like Wrex was really more bored. Anywho, Wrex offered to beat the living crap out of her. Garrus being the softy that he is turned that down. Ashley suggested that he apologize and find a gift to give her to sweeten it."

"So what happened next?" Lucas asked, starting to take notes on his omni-tool. (The commando/counselor's motto was no information is bad information.)

"Well, Garrus asked for suggestions but Ashley told him that only he knew what she liked. She told him that human men often resorted to flowers and chocolate, but neither would work for Tali. Her biochemistry wouldn't process the chocolate, and it's not like she can smell anything through that suit. Besides, that visor of hers must really distort colors."

"Humans fraternizing with aliens?" the Director demanded. Offended, Lucas punched him in the arm.

"As I was saying, Garrus decided that he should find some interesting little techno gizmo for her to get happy about. The only problem was that there wasn't a bit of technology that he thought Tali would like." Joker continued.

"So what happened?" Hackett asked.

"Well, it was about that time that he realized that if anything, Dr. Liara T'soni probably had a collection of Prothean relics lying around."

"Garrus did not seem to me to be the type to resort to petty theft, even if it was to make Tali feel better." Lucas commented.

"Oh no, he didn't." Joker opened his palms, as if to calm them down.

"So he asked for one?" Lucas inquired.

"Oh no, one of Liara's relics disappeared all right." Joker nodded. Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"Wrex did it." the navigator explained, prompting a sigh from the Lieutenant.

"Ha, I knew all those Krogans were up to no good. We should have them all-"

"Enough, Director." Hackett scolded.

"Well, I guess once explained to her, Liara might have been willing to part with just one, missing relic..." Lucas murmured.

"Nope. Garrus gave the gizmo to Tali, which immediately got squeals of joy from her. It was at about that moment that Liara stomped down the stairs and demanded if anyone knew what happened to her project. When she saw Tali holding it, she got rather upset. Tali in turn exploded on Garrus. Up to his neck in hot water, Garrus pointed at Wrex." Joker stated. At this point, his audience was at a lost with what to do except shake their heads with pity.

"Do we want to know what happened next?" Lucas sighed.

"Funny, Shepard asks that same question all the time. Anyway, Tali blew up on Garrus while Liara screamed at Wrex. I swear, it must've been that time of the month. Well, Garrus and Tali started screaming at each other while Liara and Wrex fired up their biotics and got into a fight."

"That doesn't sound like Liara to be aggressive like that." Lucas stated.

"Well, she was already wound up with Shepard returning and all..."

"Oh. That explains."

"Yep. Well, Ashley seemed to be the only level headed one left, so she dashed up to get Doctor C. Well, by the time they got back down, which took ten minutes because of that freaking elevator, Liara and Wrex were lying badly bruised on the floor."

"Oh gosh...what about Garrus and Tali?" the counselor asked curiously.

"Oh, they were cuddling each other to death. Not literally, apparently that argument was how they made up." Joker answered, once again leaving his audience in stunned silence.

"No wonder Shepard lost it..." Anderson whispered.

"Yep, welcome to the _SSV Insane Asylum._ However, it was at that point that we docked. Ashley probably didn't want Shepard walking in on a distressing sight, so she ran back up on the bridge to stall him." Joker recounted.

"And?" Hackett asked.

"She must've stubbed her toe and tripped because she sort fell into my lap, snapping my legs like a couple of twigs."

"...I'm...sorry." Lucas stated.

"Oh, so was Shepard, apparently. The first thing that greeted him when the airlock opened was me howling in agony. He simply turned on his heels and asked the nurse if he could be re-admitted."

"On what grounds?" Hackett demanded.

"That simply looking at us drives him mad." Joker answered calmly.

"It was at that point I got wind of the situation and ordered them here for immediate medical treatment." Lucas jumped in.

"I see...very well, then. Get better soon, Joker." Admiral Hackett said, leading the men back out of the room.

"All right, see ya." Joker waved.

The four military leaders walked back to the window, which was in fact a mirrored window that allowed them to watch all six patients in the padded room below. They were all bound up in straight jackets as well. Shepard was the only one smiling. The rest were still scowling.

"So. What do we do with them?" Anderson asked.

"We gas them, cover it up, and deny they even existed." the Director suggested urgently.

"Nazi." Lucas growled.

"I don't think so. Director, get out of my sight." Admiral Hackett ordered, shaking his head with disgust.

"Come on, we still need to think of something." Anderson stated.

"Hmmm..."

* * *

Below them, Ashley, Liara, Shepard, Wrex, Garrus and Tali sat as comfortably as they could in the restraining cloth and padded room.

"This...sucks." Ashley grumbled. Liara looked puzzled.

"I fail to see how the cushions would be trying to pull you in via suction, Williams."

"It's a figure of speech, Miss Prothean expert."

"Hmph, indeed. Perhaps if no one interrupted me from that..." Liara trailed off, shooting a glare at Wrex.

"Don't make me hurl you with my biotics." Wrex growled.

"In all sincerity Wrex, even if you Korgan have backup organs, a brain must not be one of them. Did you forget they've taken away our biotic amps, making us completely helpless?" Liara snapped. Apparently, she had gotten a bit more feisty.

"Shut up."

"You know, on the Flotilla, we never had such kind of facilities such as these. There's no space and the resources required would-" Tali was cut off by a outpouring of groans.

"Please, Tali, no more about the Flotilla." Ashley pleaded.

"Fine." Tali grumped.

"Be nice to her, Ashley." Garrus scolded.

"You first." Ashley shot back. Garrus flared his mandibles in anger.

"Guys, guys, let's try to look at this on the bright side." Shepard interrupted.

"How would you suggest going about that, Shepard?" Liara asked. The commander forced himself on his feet, something a bit hard to do without the help of his arms.

"Well, for one, we could play ping pong with ourselves." Shepard grinned. The others looked at him with disturbed faces.

"...What?" Ashley asked.

"Oh man, I got to do this all the time before you guys showed up. Watch. Wheee!" Shepard got on a running start before running and jumping full force into a wall. He immediately bounced off and fell flat on his back on the floor.

"...Wow...he knocked himself out cold." Garrus commented. Ashley sighed.

* * *

Back up behind the window, having watched the whole thing, the three men shook their heads with pity again.

"So...how about we put them all through a few seminars designed to get them to work together as a team and all? Business executives and other corporation workers have to it all the time." Anderson suggested.

"Agreed." Hackett answered.

* * *

_Author's note_: Well, sorry for the long delay, life's been busy and lack of inspiration. If you're all interested in the little seminars these poor souls have to go through, let me know. I'll get cracking.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

_Author's note: I was in a philosophical mood and was forced to write. The seminars will be in the next chapter._

**Embrace Eternity**

It was that odd hour of the evening when most everyone was still awake but everything was winding down. Everyone was relieved to be let out of that asylum they had been locked into. Of course, now they were told they were going to be on a different kind of mission. Not even Shepard knew what he was being sent to. Only the counselor knew they were enroute to earth to suffer through seminars. Of course, the Commander was trying to keep a good attitude about it. Being weaned off those pills was still making him grumpy, however. He did not even take solace in the fact that those pills were suppose to be non-habit forming. Apparently, he just blew a hole in the pharmaceutical claims. Joy.

In the meantime, even though Shepard was still technically in command of the ship, he subtly felt like he was still under the thumb of the lieutenant sitting in front of him. Shepard knew he couldn't hold any hard feelings against counselor Lucas Von Seraph, though there were still small hints of his being that protested at times.

"What is your greatest fear, Commander?" Lucas asked nonchalantly.

"Hm?"

"What is it that you are most afraid of?" Lucas repeated, the sound of a Gregorian chant still echoing from his omni-tool. The man seemed to be in a kind of trance.

"Hmm...well..."

"Thresher Maws." Ashley interjected playfully.

"Hey, you'd be too if you had to go through what I did." Shepard grumbled.

"A Thresher Maw is a threat to his survival. It is perfectly normal to feel this way." Lucas answered, leaving his seat.

The _Normandy_ seemed at peace with itself. The engine barely emitted a hum, Wrex was nodding off to sleep and Liara was quietly humming to herself as she brushed up on her studies. Garrus and Tali were sitting next to each other on top of the Mako quietly bickering to each other. Even Joker at the navigator's chair felt just a little warm and fuzzy after being out of the hospital bed. Ashley was reminded of those times before Christmas, having a warm sleeping puppy curled up in her lap while her sisters ambled about and her mother busied herself with cooking warm sweets in the kitchen.

"How about you, Williams?" Lucas inquired, looking through one of the _Normandy _viewports.

"Hmm...I don't know. I think about those times before I was on the _Normandy_ when I was still under the stigma of the Williams' name. I told myself that I was just determined to show everyone that I could be good enough. Now I wonder if really, deep down inside, I was afraid no one would accept me. Maybe I was afraid that I would never be good enough." Ashley speculated. Von Seraph had his eyes closed and his hands clasped as if in prayer.

"That is also a natural feeling among humans. I have always believed we are social creatures wired to not want to be truly alone."

Shepard and Ashley watched the counselor. He continued staring at the vast ocean of space, as if trying to measure just how truly deep this endless sea was.

"You just randomly like asking deep questions?" Shepard asked.

"Sometimes we must force ourselves to think. I believe one ancient Greek philosopher stated something to the effect of that philosophy and truly deep thought is the only thing that keeps man from being but a hairless ape."

"So...what are you afraid of, Lieutenant?" Ashley asked with a sly smile.

"I'm staring at it right now."

"What, empty space? I'm told getting sucked into a vacuum is not a pleasant way to go." Ashley sympathized.

"No, not that. Come, look." Lucas motioned towards the viewport.

"Look at all that you see."

It was quite a sight. The lieutenant did not need to remind the other two at just how vast the galaxy was. Each burning star, an enormous world in its own right reduced to a tiny white speck. There were so many of them, scattered abroad an endless ocean of night. They were like the sands of the sea and each grain of light a system in its own, an epic journey no single band of argonauts could ever hope to fathom even if given a thousand Asari lifetimes.

"Space, sir." Ashley answered awkwardly.

"The empty black that you see, isn't it similar to the black of an eye? The proverbial window to the soul? Is it no wonder that when as Asari joins conscious, and their pupils dilate, that they say to embrace eternity as they seek to touch the soul?"

Shepard and Ashley continued to stare at the counselor. Somehow he had gone on such a different direction they had no clue where he would land. Something told Shepard that the lieutenant was about to go so deep it would sink them all.

"And that is what I fear, to stare into the cold eyes of an uncertain eternity."

"Whoa, hold it, I thought you were Catholic." Ashley replied.

"I am, and I do believe in God and I keep my faith as you do. None should take that away from you. However, I am also one that likes to look at all things. Even with the belief of an all holy, loving Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End, it doesn't change the fact that we are so small in the face of eternity. I am not alone. Hindu, Islam, Buddha, Judaism and numerous others have all tried to peer into the depths of eternity and yet I can only speak for my own. What is eternity?"

Shepard and Ashley listened as the Lieutenant started to paint an epic picture of both glory and despair, of how, whether through the divine or a wonderful chance of nature, a message formed on foreboding worlds. On these empty plains, the message grew longer and more complex, divinely penned or naturally written, they solidified and set until they developed into wonderful stories. The manuscript would be called DNA, and the stories, for now, were known as the Asari, Turians, Elcor, Volus, Quarians, Salarians, Batarians and finally, Humans.

And to think that somewhere on an equally promising and foreboding earth, the biological language the was called Man stood up and spoke. He thought and rested. He built and warred. He negotiated and crafted and then one day after having conquered the land, the sea, air and his earth, he looked to the stars and voyaged to them. The languages came together and the story repeated and intertwined again.

They made several languages. Built on the simple language known as binary, they made a new chronicle called the code and the artificial intelligence was born. Then not too long ago, they found out another story built on a similar language watched over them. Organic poetry warred against the Reaper mechanical codex and electronic pentameter.

The philosopher spun tales of how these mere mortals in times long passed started and built massive monuments either to great beliefs or great egos. He told of mighty and noble ones who either led others to noble lives or chaotic destruction. Each poem spoke an continuing chronicle that rang through the ages and resounded in the developing verses of others.

"And what is the ages? An old proverb of our ancestors states that 'Time laughs at all things.' Our lives are but little over a century. The Asari can only boast a thousand. What is a thousand in the fifty since the Protheans have disappeared? What is fifty thousand in the millions since organic life is estimated to have been penned with but simple letters? What is a million in more than four billion since the formation of our home we call Earth? What is a billion compared to Eternity? What is our lives of only a hundred? They are but a whisper in the endless book called time..."

Shepard and Ashley remained silent as the philosopher continued to meditate, a scribe trying to catch the verses of a profound epic ringing in his mind and yet fumbling to even be able to pen the first letter.

"What is to be said in only a thousand years after we are gone? Our names naught but words, our memories at best simply spoken stories that would probably fade into oblivion withing but a short time after we are gone. How long will our great monuments last, our testaments of what we did after we are gone? It has been less than a hundred thousand years and yet the Prothean ruins are nearly all but gone, and one day they too will disappear. What is man, but a haiku? What is man, having been so small on the vast plain he saw when he first stood up, that he wishes to conquer the endless sea of space? What is man in the face of the grindstone of time, when he stares into eyes eternity? Can he embrace it?"

The three humans stood in echoing silence, each lost in their own thoughts. It was the gunnery chief who spoke first.

"With that kind of mindset, what's the point of anything?" Ashley asked softly. Lucas only smiled.

"A wise man once asked the same thing. He said in the end to live a noble and righteous life, even if only a quiet one, for what else can man do? You get but one poem to write. You all, the crew of the _Normandy_, within the past few months wrote an epic that will inspire the lives for generations to come. Never forget that there are still smaller great poets that urge the quiet ones with them to live noble lives too. Never forget humility, for what is your epic but a simple sub-note in this chronicle called eternity?"

They watched in the wee hours of the morning as their ship approached the quicksilver of the moon and a joyous sunburst crowned the brilliant blue of the earth. How many stories were down there? How small were they and yet how long would the book go if they were all penned together?

"In the beginning was the Word...and even the holy text I read must end with a period because the vastness of eternity can not be written."

Having thought as long as he could, Lucas left to catch up on sleep and prepare for the seminars ahead. Ashley and Shepard were still forced to think. Never before did the acts of being a paragon or renegade seem so deep and yet futile. A simple echo through eternity. A grand story that started so long ago and none could know how long it would last, nor how long the short chapters of man would endure. Never did that little dot called a period symbolized something so endless as eternity. It sat their quietly, small and sometimes rarely thought of. It waited there, a black dot that still marked the end, did not say what laid ahead for mortal minds could not comprehend on just how much or how deep was the end...


	18. Chapter 18

_Starting Seminars_

It was a rather different situation for Commander Shepard and his crew. First of all, they knew that they were in an antique aircraft. Second, because of the make of the aircraft, they were rumbling through the planet's atmosphere from both the numerous ancient engines and the older exterior design. Third, they knew they were wearing a rather ridiculous setup of bags and packaging.

One on side of the craft, Shepard, Wrex and Tali sat facing Garrus, Liara and Ashley. Their heads bounced with the rattling of the aircraft. They realized that their mouths were too dry to swallow. At least that was something they all had in common. They immediately started concentrating on the purposeful steps of the man walking in the center aisle. Standing confidently was Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph. His eyes seemed very pleased behind the pair of aviator goggles.

"Welcome aboard a C-17. This used to be one of the more classic aircrafts back in the day before mass effect technology. However, enough of the history lesson, let me explain to you your mission." Von Seraph started. Wrex audible grunted malcontentedly.

"All of you have been divided into two teams. The ones you are sitting with are the people in your team. Each of you have been given a compass, a small survival kit containing emergency rations, a survival knife, fire kit and a small guide to the local wildlife and terrain. Garrus and Tali, you have been outfitted with extra food supplies since you won't be able to utilize any of the food down there."

Garrus glanced apprehensively at Tali who shared the same look except none could see it through the visor.

"Your objective will be to reach the designated checkpoint highlighted on your map. You have exactly forty eight standard hours to reach it once you have touched down. Those are your instructions, other than don't die." Lucas informed.

"What happens if you don't make it in time?" Garrus asked.

"Failure is not an option." Lucas simply stated.

"Counselor, I don't believe that's all that realistic." Liara stated.

"You have no choice. You must not fail." Lucas stated.

"This is suppose to be therapeutic?" Ashley muttered to no one in particular.

"What is there is an unforeseen injury?" Tali asked.

"Don't worry, we'll be watching you. Ready up, you'll be dropping off soon." Lucas stated, watching a light turn on in the cargo hold. Meekly, the six crew members got on their feet. That was when they seemed to notice they were rigged up to a contraption on the ceiling of the aircraft.

"Sir, I calculate that the aircraft is maintaining altitude. Are you sure we'll be landing soon?" Tali asked.

"No, we won't be landing anytime soon." Lucas answered.

"But you said we'd be landing." the Quarian stated.

"No, I said you would all be dropping off."

"Please explain." Commander Shepard asked, butting into the conversation.

"You'll be parachuting to the ground." Lucas answered. The reaction was decisive.

"Whoa, hold it! We've haven't been train for this! How will we know how to land?" Ashley asked.

"Why do you think we went over the procedures to for getting out of a parachute and bending your legs when you land while we were still on the _Normandy?_" the counselor asked flatly.

"I thought that was part of the seminars you said we'd be going through!" Ashley screeched.

"I still think those were a waste of my time." Wrex grumped. Lucas sighed.

"Well you better remember, you won't be getting out of this one." the lieutenant asserted.

"But how will we know when to pull the chute?" Shepard asked.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't trust any of you to do that and it would be rather ironic for the team that took on a Reaper and survive would die because of a sudden collision with a planetary surface." Lucas chuckled. The others were not amused.

"Ahem. Your chutes will be deployed at a predetermined height that will be decided by the aircraft. A line from the aircraft will deploy your chute. All you need to do is step off the aircraft. Understand?" Lucas asked. Everyone nodded.

"All right, line up everyone." Lucas ordered. The six shifted nervously. Suddenly, the great metallic door at the back of the ship groaned open and the hull was filled with the sound of rushing wind. Outside the door, they saw the distant sight of a brown landscape.

"One last thing. Welcome to Earth!" Lucas shouted over the noise.

"Specifically, Australia." he added as the six people nervously baby stepped forward. Tali was the first to step up to the roaring edge. Behind her blackened visor, her eyes reflected her awe. And heart pounding terror.

"Are you ready, Tali?" Lucas asked.

"I-I-I don't-I mean-I-"

"Good." Lucas unceremoniously pushed her over the edge.

"Eeeeeeeeeeekkk!" was the last anyone heard of the Quarian.

"Wrex, you're up next." Lucas shouted. The sour faced Krogan stomped forward. Behind the tough exterior, he was fighting back a giddy sense of fear.

"Push me and I swear I'll kill you." Wrex growled at the counselor. Lucas seemed rather unaffected. In fact, he even smiled.

"Oh come on, Wrex. A little jump like this should be nothing to you." Lucas grinned.

"Don't try to manipulate me either." the Krogan snapped.

"No problem, but we only have a limited flight run. With every second we fly, the longer you get away from your designated checkpoint. If you need a little help, just take a brief trot forward and you'll be over before you know it." Lucas suggested.

"Fine." Wrex grumped. He took a step back and then quickly rushed up to the edge. His bravado failed him at the last moment and he hesitated. Unfortunately for him, Lucas had stuck his foot in the way. A horrified roar momentarily drowned out the wind before fading completely.

"Enjoy the trip, Wrex. All right, hurry up, we're running out time."

Liara and Garrus went quietly if a little apprehensively. Ashley and Shepard were the last to go. When the massive metal door slammed shut and the interior was flooded with silence, Lucas let out a heavy sigh.

"Thank God that's over with."

--

Tali was utterly terrified. There were several things going through the young Quarian's mind. One of them was wondering what she had ever done to deserve this. However, once the parachute deployed and her descent became slower and more controlled, she started to calm down.

_"...Well...this isn't too bad. Keelah, it's so high up here and there's no Mako to protect me. Well, this parachute should do just that, right? Amazing what a thin strip of fabric will do. Keelah, I'm still going down pretty fast. Is this normal? Am I going to die? Pull yourself together, Tali! You're going to be all right, you're going to be all right, you're going to be all right..." _

And then she passed out.

Wrex was still yelling hysterically. It was until the jolt of the parachute deploying did he do a rather beneficial thing. He removed his claws from over his eyes. Peeking through his claws and cautiously analyzing the clouds that floated past, he started to calm down. He started to feel slightly better. In fact, he realized he would have been really embarrassed if anyone had heard him yelling like that back there. That was rather out of character for him. Now it was a matter of waiting for the ground to come.

_"This is boring." _Wrex grumped to himself. He sulked in his parachute harness.

_"I'm still going to kill that guy for tripping me." _

Liara was desperately trying to keep her bearings about her as she watched her descent. So far, she was doing a decent job. She hurriedly tried to recall her objectives. That done, she tried to remember who was on her team.

_"It was...Garrus and Ashley...okay, I think we can do this._ _Wait, what if we don't run into each other? I assume we'll all just probably run into each other. If not, then the rest of my team is counting on me to remain competent and get to the position without their help...well, this is slightly reminiscent of the time that I got caught in that Prothean barrier curtain. No wonder I don't like this slightly suspended feeling. Well, at least Shepard was able to get me out of there." _Liara thought happily. Suddenly, a horrible thought crossed her.

_"Wait, Shepard isn't on my team! And I wanted to see him so bad, too! Crap. Would anyone care too much if I accidentally ran into him on the ground and stole a couple moments with him? Where is he anyway? I can't spot anyone. By the goddess, how am I going to find anyone down there?" _

Liara worked her mind as she continued to descend. Eventually, she gave up.

_"Well, this is crap." _

Garrus had a completely different line of thought altogether. He had in fact remained relatively calm ever since he was catapulted off the plane. Now it was a matter of waiting the descent out. He decided to use the time to get his priorities straight.

_"All right, as soon as I touch down I have to figure out where Tali landed. Then I'll have to make sure she's okay physically. That done, I'll have to make sure that she's got her emotional bearings together. She's not as pleasant when she's emotionally distraught. Anyway, after the obligatory bickering which will probably last for twenty five minutes, we'll have to figure our way out of this mess. Wait, we're not on the same team...but I don't want to just leave her out there. Hmmm...how can I work this out..." _

The Turian scratched his mandibles with his claws while he thought it over. His logical Turian mind was working as fast as he could drive it.

_"Wait a minute, this is suppose to be team building seminars, right? Never once did Lucas say we were competing against each other. He just said we would be in two teams and that we had to reach a designated checkpoint. Although teams imply that we are competing against each other, that was never explicitly stated. I get it! We're suppose to realize that all six of us ARE a single team even though we have to teamwork with each other in smaller units. I just need to explain that to the guys when we get down on the ground! I'm so glad I figured this out." _Garrus folded his arms in front of him in triumph as a smile crossed his beak. He couldn't wait to tell Tali about this. That's when he looked down at the earth that was below him.

_"Geez, this is taking forever. Why haven't I landed yet? Wait...I'm not even falling. How am I still above the ground but I'm not falling!? What the heck! Wait..." _Garrus immediately spotted the problem.

"Crap."

His parachute had gotten snagged in a tree.

Ashley was screaming the whole way down. However, she wasn't screaming in fear. She was whole heartedly enjoying this.

"Whoooo hooooo! All right!" the Gunnery Chief whooped just before the parachute deployed. Of course, the fabric was controlling her fall now so that cut off some of the adrenaline. Oh well, having fun was not the main goal for these things. She was looking forward to landing. She was confident that she would land and get there early, before anyone arrived, period. She would beat them all, she was certain of it. She decided within herself that she would rough all of this. While the others would probably take the night to sleep and recuperate, she was certain she would still have the energy and spunk to keep trekking all night.

_"Of course I can do that, only for one night. I'm a marine, it's what they trained us to do and in even worse conditions." _Ashley thought. She held her smirk as she landed on the ground.

Unfortunately, she realized she must have hit the ground the wrong way because, for whatever reason, whether she had her leg out the wrong way, did not bend it properly, or the ground was at the wrong angle, she heard a rather sickening snap.

Suddenly finding herself lying back on the ground, she sat up, wondering what had knocked her down. She felt relatively okay, right? Of course she was okay. She was-wait.

"My leg...shouldn't bend that way." Ashley whispered. Not even one foot into the journey and she had a broken leg. Ashley cursed.

For Shepard, this was heaven. For once, he was no where near those other crew members that were constantly taking up his attention. It was just him and the open air with miles between him and anyone else. This was indeed amazing.

He even enjoyed the rather quiet descent. In a way, it was relaxing. The Commander reflected on how beautiful the open air was with the fluffy white clouds. The landscape reflecting the sun above was truly spectacular. It was as if the glories of the space above was sung by the earth beneath. Yes, this was heaven, he was certain of it.

_"Yes...I'll enjoy this fall, as long as it might take. I'll just take my time getting to the checkpoint too. We have two days and I don't think it will be too big of a deal. If I ever have to do it double step I'll do that. Only if I have too, though. Yes, I think I'll enjoy this. Nothing but me and the land and-" _

Shepard's brain suddenly snapped with that horrible thought. The small, irrational part of his brain took over with that horrible word.

_"Land. Land. Where the Thresher Maws are. And that blasted lieutenant didn't even give me a darn rifle to defend myself!" _

Shepard was already raving about Akuze when he still had half a mile to go before his foot even touched the dreaded soil where supposedly the big worms were.


	19. Chapter 19

_Author's Note: Although I normally try to stay away from this, I must warn that this chapter contains frank if somewhat graphic details dealing with humans which may not be suitable for those of younger age. You have been warned. _

Reality Check

It had been a rather arduous and grueling two days for Shepard and most of his crew. Contrary to their counselor's belief, the majority of them were not able to reach the checkpoint. This was made all the more puzzling since the longest distance any single one of them had to travel from their landing point was a maximum of ten miles on terrain that should not have been all that difficult to manage. Especially for highly trained professionals. Alas, only two managed to complete the task given to them. Those two were Commander Shepard and Liara. Shepard was actually the first to arrive at the checkpoint. It was no exaggeration that he sprinted most of the distance, his irrational phobia of Thresher Maws spurring him every foot of the way. Liara simply used her brain and made it. She was disappointed that by the time she was working up the courage to make a move on Shepard, the extraction team came and picked them up.

However, some credit had to be given to Garrus and Tali who were actually only a few minutes late on the arrival time. Garrus argued that he had a completely valid reason. He had been snared up a tree most of the time and his survival knife had fallen from his pack. He had to gnaw his way out of it and then wait off the inevitable pain that accompanied the hard landing. After that, he immediately started searching for Tali to explain that they had to find the others because he figured out exactly what this exercise was suppose to teach them. Tali's reason for being late brought them all to the next matter to be discussed when they were talking during the debriefing.

Their counselor, Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph could only console himself that despite the exercise almost coming to pieces, each member of the group could say they walked away from it learning something about themselves. Garrus was completely right that the point of the exercise was for them to realize that they were a team and all had to work together. However, it was Tali that brought up the point of what they had learned about themselves.

While bumbling around, Tali had accidentally bumped into one of the indigenous life forms, an emu. She was startled by the striking resemblance of the bird to her own anatomy, and to an extent, Garrus'. The reason she had been late was because she had apparently found a new passion in life next to electronics and hardware: Avian biology.

What the others had learned were a little less startling. Shepard started to realize that his phobia for Thresher Maws was only slightly irrational, but he thought it was getting better. Liara learned that she could indeed survive alone by herself, at least for just a little while. Garrus learned he probably had a knack for psychological thought and probably should apply to that department when he returned to C-Sec. Wrex on the other hand learned that he really enjoyed fishing. That was the reason he never made it to the checkpoint. Having stumbled into a lake, what began as an expedition to find a snack turned into a desire never to leave and simply fish to his heart's content. (He later learned from Von Seraph that one of the organisms he consumed was not a fish and was in fact a small crocodile.) Finally, there was Ashley who was unable to make a single step in the exercise since she promptly broke one on landing. She learned that reciting poetry can also help someone from going completely insane.

With that all discussed, the whole group shuffled into the cafeteria of the facility they were staying at specifically devoted just for their training. They all wanted simply to sit down and have a drink, especially Ashley who was getting sick of being in a cast and needing crutches to get around.

"I don't know about all of you, but I am exhausted." Garrus announced as they slouched into their seats around a round table."

"You're exhausted? Imagine how I feel. I ran the whole way." Shepard responded.

"With all due respect Commander, that was your choice." Garrus answered politely.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Shepard answered.

"You must've had a lot of pent up energy, Shepard." Wrex stated flatly. Shepard shot him a double take.

"Wha-Wrex! Excuse me?"

"Oh calm down, Shepard. I know that comment would sounded better coming from Liara." Wrex sighed, right in time with Liara turning an odd shade of purple.

"But in all seriousness, I've been doing some thinking. It was your blowing up over some pent up feelings that led us to this mess. Did you ever think on why you're such a prude?" Wrex asked.

"Wow, Wrex...that's pretty clever. I didn't know you were capable of such deep thought." Ashley smirked.

"Shut up, Williams. I just like to get our problems solved and be done with it. Besides, I'm getting sick of the feeling of constantly being brain analyzed." Wrex grumbled.

"I heard that." Lt. Von Seraph's voice came from somewhere down the hall.

"While I admire your astute line of thinking, I don't think this is the proper place and situation to be talking with the Commander about this. Besides, I hardly think you're qualified to ask such things." Garrus cautioned the Krogan.

"Hey, that lieutenant just wanted to teach us to work together, right? Wasn't that the whole point of our last little exercise?" Wrex demanded.

"Yes." Garrus conceded.

"Then why don't we work together and get to the bottom of Shepard's little problem?" Wrex concluded.

"I hardly believe that my feelings on this matter is a problem in any sense of the word." Shepard muttered grudgingly.

"If it isn't, then why are we here?" Wrex inquired.

"If I remember correctly, it all had to do with me throwing a few tantrums-"

"A few?" Ashley interrupted sarcastically.

"-And all of you also acting up, so it wasn't just me involved." Shepard finished.

"Fine then. Liara has obviously been lusting after you for the longest time. How about you two find a closet and we can all go home?" Wrex suggested. The utter nonchalance struck each of them differently. Ashley could be seen failing miserably to muffle a few giggles. Garrus and Shepard both looked baffled, though Shepard's demeanor seemed more horrified. Liara was blushing to the point that she had turned violet and Tali had a paw over her mouthpiece, which only Garrus understood as a cue that she also was blushing.

"W-Wh-Wrex!" Shepard stammered.

"What?"

"You-You, you can't just say that!"

"Why not?"

"You-you can't just have a laid back attitude about sexuality, especially not with humans."

"Liara's an Asari."

"But I'm still a human!"

"So? I know a few humans who were on the polar opposite end of your attitude. If you're concerned about getting a disease, let me solve that for you. Liara, you don't have anything, do you?" Wrex asked across the table. Liara, who was very quiet, looked like she wanted to melt and seep under the floor, if only to get out of the spotlight.

"Well?" Wrex demanded. Liara shook her head furiously.

"See, you're good."

"Grrrr, Wrex! Gah, how do I make you understand?" Shepard growled, looking around as if expecting to find an answer. All of a sudden, his eyes lit up.

"Lieutenant!" Shepard called to the blissfully unaware Lieutenant Von Seraph who happened to be walking across the room with a steaming cup of chai raised to his lip.

"Yes, Commander?"

"You're a smart guy, right?"

"I try to be."

"Then tell these clowns what happens to the human body when someone is having sex." Shepard ordered. Von Seraph darn near spilled his cup of chai.

"E-excuse me?" Von Seraph asked.

"You heard me."

"I-I specialize in theology, aviation, combat, counseling and philosophy in that order. Pathology and human biology are just pet subjects that I-"

"Don't make me pull rank on you, Lieutenant. You could probably explain it to them better than I could." Shepard warned. Von Seraph looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"Now, Lieutenant!" Shepard ordered like a drill sergeant. That seemed to hit the proper military cord.

"Sir, yes sir. First there is a release of hormones and an in increase of blood pressure and heart rate. I'm sure adrenaline might also have something to do with it. It is also interesting to note that the same biochemical released in the brain when one fires a gun is also release when one engages in a kiss. Sensory organs go haywire as branches of the peripheral nervous system and central nervous system are set off. At the point of climax, muscle spasms occur, all in time to the discharging of numerous bodily fluid, besides the obvious, that occur. The composition of the male, uh, 'seed' if you will, is slightly basic in contrast to the acidic environment of the female, er, reproductive tract. This allows the survival of the gametes which must cross numerous obstacles, including a wall of mucous, all in the process to fertilize an egg and produce another human....Sir." Von Seraph ranted quickly. Everyone else was a little awestruck to put it mildly.

"Wow...putting it that way, I don't think I'll be in a mood for awhile." Ashley murmured.

"Now, if you will excuse me, sir." Von Seraph stated, turned on his heels, and marched out of the room. It was hard to tell if he had just been offended or severely disconcerted by the ordeal.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is this." Shepard started.

"It just seems that everyone is way too obsessed with sex. Sure, it might be fun and all but people probably think about it way too much. I mean come on. If it's really that fun, why are there so many advertisements claiming to enhance every single little aspect of it ranging from, oh gosh, I'm not going to get into that, but I'm sure you get the picture." Shepard shook his head. Everyone else was quiet.

"Besides. If it was really that good, we'd do it all the time-"

"We already do." Ashley interrupted. Everyone looked at her with raised eyebrows, including Shepard, who apparently found this as news too.

"No, I mean, as in, like people, collectively, not me and, and you know-"

"As I was saying, people would be dropping dead of sexual exhaustion like flies if we did it as much as we thought and talked about it. But when was the last time you heard that as the cause of death? It would just be absurd. I've never seen a coroner mark that on the death certificate. I mean, unless the medical community is in some grand conspiracy to keep people from embarrassment and just mark down 'heart attack' whenever it happened. I mean, that's probably it if we're to go with the scenario. That's why heart attacks is the leading cause of death. It's in fact sexual exhaustion but you know, we don't want people whispering during the funeral that the deceased got banged to death." Shepard ranted calmly. At this point, everyone was staring at him.

"There. You have your answer. I hope you're happy." Shepard muttered. He was greeted with a moment's silence.

"Wow, Shepard, I'm impressed." Ashley stated.

"What are you talking about?"

"You ranted without blowing up this time. It was you losing your temper the first time that caused this, but now you completely kept your head. I'm proud of you." the Gunnery Chief explained.

"Hey!" Shepard cried.

"Say, Ashley, you're right. Perhaps the Commander is recovering." Garrus agreed.

"Yay!" Tali whooped amid everyone else agreeing. Shepard only shook his head in chagrin to the whole matter. Just as he was sulking in his seat, Wrex muttered something in his ear.

"Don't worry, I'll keep the secret that you're still a virgin."

"I hate you, Wrex."


	20. Chapter 20

Different Philosophies

There were remarkably different ways of doing things. Sometimes no one could say one method was particularly right and another wrong. Sometimes it did not really matter. However, there were times when someone had to make the call that a certain methodology was probably better than another.

Lt. Lucas Von Seraph reflected on this as he kept a watchful eye on his six patients, better known as Shepard and his crew. Overall, he decided that the entire group was starting to show some improvement. Shepard's paranoia of Thresher Maws, and therefore the solid ground, was subsiding a bit. Wrex was still abrasive but at least he was showing signs of trying to be productive in areas that did not involve destruction or ammunition rounds. Ashley, Garrus and Tali never did seem to have traits that might become deleterious to the overall teamwork of the group, though everyone had room for improvement. In this case, all three perhaps did improve. Ashley seemed a little more personable, Garrus actually seemed to be developing good leadership qualities and Tali seemed to have gotten more self confidence. Even Liara seemed to be laying off on Shepard, but only slightly.

Regardless, he still wanted to keep them in training for just a little while more. He would rather that he nailed down every seminar he could to help their overall cohesiveness as a single unit rather than cut them to the chase. However, it was causing problems up in the ranks. He had recently got off the line with Admiral Hackett and both had hung up the line with higher blood pressures.

"Lieutenant, although your evaluations show promise, even you admit that they may not be ready. What's the hold up, soldier?" Hackett demanded.

"These things cannot be rushed, sir. There is no quick fix for teamwork and developing healthy psychological and sociological patterns."

"These six should know plenty much about teamwork."

"Yes, under desperate circumstances. That is a two edged sword. It could have forced them to work together out of necessity while all the while tearing the threads that brought them here in the first place." Von Seraph defended.

"There are plenty of other alternatives. Medication, even the Asari are developing special psychological therapy that-"

"With all due respect, Admiral, I refuse to drug these patients unless absolutely necessary and I will not submit them to the developing science of the Asari mind meld therapy. This is a longer route, but I believe it is more stable and longer lasting with the least amount of side effects."

"You are running out of time, Lieutenant. You have a few more days to change my mind before I will be forced to take actions. We're in need of every soldier we can have these days." Hackett explained.

"There is no way these people will be ready in a few days. It'll be an accomplishment if I think they're ready in two weeks. That would be more realistic." Von Seraph argued.

"You have a few days, Lieutenant. That is all. Command out."

Lucas let his retort die in his mouth. Wearily, he looked out to watch the fading Australian sunset. He didn't like what was laid on him and in all reality, he did not have an answer. Regardless, this was one thing he refused to budge. The German commando sighed as he realized he did not have an answer.

"It's amazing what people will call it and when. When it's a virtue, I am called tenacious and dedicated. When it's a flaw, I am called stubborn." he muttered.

It was then that Shepard walked into his office.

"Evening, Commander. How can I help you?" Von Seraph asked.

"Not much, I just wanted to get to the root of the problem. You got any tips on making sure I don't lose it the next time I get overworked and have to be a paragon despite how ridiculously unfair it is?" Shepard asked. Von Seraph chuckled.

"I really don't know, Shepard. The universe out there is rather unfair. Men like you who will do what is right no matter the cost are few and far between. I can't give answers, I can only give suggestions and new perspectives." the lieutenant stated.

"Well, what do you suggest?" Shepard asked.

"Hmmm...It is possible I am saying this because I recently finished reading one of his works, but I believe the old Saint Augustine had a good outlook on motives."

"What was that?"

"Whatever you choose to do, let the reason be one thing: love."

The two men then went onto a lengthy discussion about what exactly "love" meant. How modern culture has a tendency to cheapen the word and meaning and how sometimes it meant sacrifice. Sometimes it even meant a mountain of sacrifices done in secret that none would know how much one had given but at least it all came down to the fact that it was the right thing to do.

Shepard left feeling more enlightened. Lucas Von Seraph felt he had also been preaching to himself. The lieutenant had just let out a small sigh when Garrus walked in.

"Yes, Mr. Vakarian?"

"Got a moment, lieutenant?" the Turian asked quietly.

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Well, I noticed that there's a picture of a human female on your desk..." Garrus trailed off, motioning to the small framed photograph of a young woman with rich brown hair, a radiant smile and brilliant blue eyes. Lucas chuckled nervously.

"Yes. Her name is Dalora. We're engaged." Von Seraph admitted.

"Good. I was hoping you'd be able to give me some educated advice on relationships. The rest of the crewmembers know next to nothing about it." Garrus muttered. Von Seraph chuckled.

"Surely, it can't be that bad." Garrus raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Ashley doesn't exactly have the best attitude, Liara won't get off her obsession with Shepard despite the obvious signals she's getting, Shepard himself is too professional to be bothered by that and Wrex had a dysfunctional friendship with Aleena and the product of said friendship was a Varren pup." Garrus cataloged. Von Seraph shot Garrus a quizzical look on the last part.

"What? A Varren pup?"

"Uh, nevermind. Long story. Look, you helped to get me into this relationship with Tali. I don't regret it and to the contrary, I want do everything I can to make this successful. It's more than just that usual Turian honor bound go above and beyond the call of duty. I-I think I may actually be in...well, you know...I think I may actually love that infuriating little Quarian." Garrus chuckled nervously.

"Take a seat, Garrus." Von Seraph motioned to the chair opposite his desk before drawing in a long and unsteady sigh.

"What specific advice did you have in mind?" the military counselor decided to ask.

"Well, you clearly did something right in your relationship. You're both engaged and although I haven't seen you two around each other, I assume it must be at least decent."

"You give me too much credit, Garrus, but after almost a year, this is what I learned..."

"What's that?" Garrus asked, anxiously leaning forward on his chair.

"Always be supportive and always be there for her. Remember to drop little things for her every now and then to remind her that you're still crazy about her. Above all else, _always_ listen to her. That means listening to what she may not exactly be saying."

"I see." Garrus murmured.

"That sometimes means keeping your break shut when you don't want to, Mr. Vakarian." Von Seraph added with a knowing look.

"Understood. Thank you for your help, lieutenant." Garrus stated before leaving. As soon as the Turian closed the door, Von Seraph let out a relieved sigh. He hated relationship counseling. Human relationships were annoying enough. Turian and Quarian relationships? God help them.

Suddenly, the phone on his desk rang. The counselor cast an annoyed eye at it.

"Lieutenant Von Seraph...why do you need me at the Citadel?"

--

Exactly one day later Von Seraph was standing in the Presidium in his military dress uniform with a cross lapel on his collar signaling his military vocation. He was looking over Shepard and his crew. They all seemed overjoyed to be back in space and away from their recuperative duties.

"Okay. Turns out that the military is holding some sort of forum talks with some special interest group. Apparently they don't like our use of special ammunition." the counselor explained.

"You mean like cyro, incendiary and polonium rounds?" Ashley asked.

"Yes."

"Geez. If they take those away that would be like telling us to fight with a hand behind our back." the marine scoffed.

"There are ethical considerations and I have not been completely comfortable using them. However, I'm also very fond of my Dante rifle and its high explosive ammunition, so I feel your side too."

"Which side will you argue for?" Shepard asked.

"I think they'll want me there just as some brain to mine for information. Oh well, I'll let you guys know what happened afterwards. In the meantime, enjoy your time off." The counselor was almost insulted by the whoops of joy that came from them as he turned his back.

"Geez, rehab can't be THAT bad..."

--

"So where should we go to celebrate?" Shepard smiled.

"I want to go to Flux!" Ashley announced.

"I actually concur." Liara agreed.

"I don't know which I want first, a hard drink or a getting some extra cash on the machines. Maybe I'll do both." Wrex chuckled.

"Guys, I don't want to go to Flux. Lets go to someplace less energetic like the lounge or something." Shepard stated.

"Oh don't be such a baby. You'll enjoy it." Ashley retored.

"Come on, Shepard." Liara beamed as she firmly grabbed his hand and dragged him along.

"Oh, for Flux's sake..." Shepard growled.

--

Tali stared in dismay as she watched Garrus seem to go into what she would describe as a software malfunction. She had never seen him carrying on this way. Usually he was cool and confident if not a bit introverted which usually meant that she only knew exactly what he was doing at the last minute when he announced it. It used to bother her until she figured out that he was doing it because he wanted to surprise her in a nice way. However, this was started to worry her. He was pacing back and forth, did not seem to know exactly what he was doing, and seemed to be lacking a general plan. Even his eyes seemed to show a small state of panic. What was he doing?

"Garrus, what's going on?" Tali asked.

"Nothing." the Turian answered quickly. Tali narrowed her eyes behind her visor.

"Garrus. You're not okay. Are you sick?"

"No, I feel perfectly fine." Garrus muttered as he placed a talon on his chin thoughtfully. This time, Tali placed her paws on her hips.

"If you're not sick, which I doubt, you will be at this rate."

"What do you mean?"

"Well for starts, you're walking into a human food shop. You know either of us can't eat that stuff so why are you even walking in there?" Tali questioned. That was when Garrus sheepishly noticed the neon sign on the entranceway.

"Chocolates." he murmured blankly if not feeling a little bit foolish.

"So for the last time, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes."

"Wrong answer, you're coming with me now." the Quarian stated, grabbing him by a paw and leading him off.

"Hey, where are we going?" Garrus asked.

"To see Dr. Chloe. You are clearly not well."

Before he knew it, Garrus was in the medical bay looking back at the human doctor. It wasn't that he wasn't feeling well, well, that wasn't completely true. He wasn't sick. The reason he was acting the way it was was because he had learned of some human ritual called "Valentines Day" which seemed to be somewhere in the near future. He obviously wanted to get some for Tali but he was lacking in ideas and it did not help that they both insisted on going by themselves. It made great time to spend together, but lousy opportunities for him to surprise her. Of course, there would be no surprising if he couldn't come up with an idea. The chocolate idea seemed good until Tali so nicely pointed out the obvious, that neither had the proper biology to digest human food.

_"Honestly, how could I have forgotten that?" _Garrus mentally kicked himself.

"So, what seems to be the problem, Garrus?" Dr. Chloe asked.

"I'm fine." he answered quickly. That's when he noticed Tali fold her arms in front of her, something he learned a long time ago was a signal that that she was becoming unhappy with him.

_"Crap."_

"Are you sure?" the doctor inquired.

"Uhh...I feel just a little under the weather." Garrus lied.

"How so?"

"Just...just uh...just out of it?"

"Have you eaten anything that might have something to do with it?" Dr. Chole asked as she glanced at her datapad.

"Food! That's it! I haven't eaten a thing. I must be hungry. Very hungry. Thanks for reminding me, doc. Well, that'll be all, thanks!" Garrus blathered quickly before yanking Tali out of the office. The two were gone in a flash before the flabbergasted doctor could even react.

Tali was at lost with what to do as she watched Garrus forlornly poke his food. One moment he said he was hungry and now he could not even eat it but instead chose to wallow in what appeared to be some kind of self pity. It was starting to upset her.

"Garrus, please tell me what's wrong." Tali pleaded.

"I'm fine, don't worry." the Turian answered without even looking at her.

"No, you're not." the Quarian stamped, slamming her fork on the table before walking off in a huff. Garrus winced as a word of wisdom belatedly hit him.

_"... Above all else, __**always**__ listen to her..."_

Garrus got up heavily with a sigh and quickly racked his mind on how to solve this.

--

Von Seraph left his spot from the table feeling exhausted. It had been quite a discussion and he wasn't feeling all that good about it. Sure, the human body should not be casually desecrated. He personally believed that there was something wrong about butchering the human form with no qualms. Unfortunately, that had always been a sad fact of war. However, was there a weapon that was just _wrong_? The high explosive rounds he personally used were "nice" in that they both provided high stopping power but also, in a twisted way, mercifully disposed of the body. However, toxic rounds were different altogether and left vile, sludgy remains. Some had argued that that in turn left no bodies to be returned to the loved ones of the deceased, which did not help bring closure. Having worked with death before, Von Seraph understood that all too well. Then again, he also did not want it to be his funeral anytime soon because his enemies with no qualms were using acid rounds and he did not have his high explosives.

In the end, the military council pulled off a classic move. They simply said they would need more time to consider, which actually meant they would put it off indefinitely so that they could continue with their policies.

"Lieutenant." a voice called to him. Lucas turned around to find Admiral Hackett watching him.

"Admiral. How can I help you?" the lieutenant saluted.

"More of how I will help you." the admiral stated.

"What do you mean?"

"There will be a change of assignments for you."

"Wait. What?"

--

Turns out, Flux wasn't so bad. Wrex behaved himself in so far that he did not bother him. The Krogan did not behave himself in so far that he nearly destroyed a machine, but that was just details. Ashley was clearly on the verge of going over the deep end of intoxication. Liara? She was out cold after one shot. The music wasn't conducive for quiet relaxation, but he eventually learned to tune it out.

"Say...She-She-She...Commander?" Ashley rambled.

"Yes, Gunnery Chief?"

"How...how...come you're...you're letting Liara...get all over you? All four of her?" Shepard glanced quizzically at Liara, who was simply resting her head on his shoulder.

"Uh...she isn't really all over me. It does not bother me too much and although I'd rather her slumped out on the table, at least this way I know she's still breathing." Shepard answered.

"Ah...cool." Ashley muttered before simply passing out on the counter. Suddenly, the Commander's omni-tool warned him he was getting a message. Apparently, he was needed back at the Presidium on Von Seraph's behalf. Bad timing. Especially with two of his crew members out cold. Even if it was Flux, Shepard still was not comfortable leaving two passed out and vulnerable women here without anyone to watch him. Considering Wrex's current rage, he decided he couldn't trust the Krogan either to keep a good vigil. The commander messaged his eyebrow.

"Grr...we've invented the neural shock and medi-gel but still the sober pills eludes us." Shepard growled.

--

Tali stood sadly at the edge of the artificial lake, watching the water splash gently around. She wondered why Garrus couldn't tell her what was wrong. Was he planning on breaking up with her? What did she ever do to give him that signal. That had to be it. As much as she would hate that, she'd rather he just be straight up honest about it. That's when he heard his footsteps behind her. He cleared his metallic voice.

"Ahem, Tali, I-"

"Garrus, please just be honest with me. Stop hiding things." the Quarian stated.

"I won't, I promise." Garrus answered quickly. Again, Tali folded her arms in front of her signaling her skepticism. She was a bit surprised when Garrus brought her a little closer to him by placing both of his talons on her shoulder and peering deep into her visor.

"Look, I know you're upset because I wasn't honest and that I was hiding something. I wanted to get you some special while we were here. I just couldn't think of anything that seemed nice enough. Humans like chocolate and flowers but that doesn't do you any good. Turians have no sentimental value whatsoever, except civic and military decorations. Asari just have these stupid trinkets, Volus just care about credits and the Hanar are just...just...weird."

"You forgot about the Krogans."

"They just like guns." Garrus replied. Tali tried to stifle a giggle.

"Look, I'm sorry that I made you upset. I wanted to get you something and I didn't and in trying to make you happy, I went the wrong way. I'm really sorry about that and I ask that you forgive me." Garrus explained. Tali relaxed her composure.

"Garrus...I appreciate the gesture...but don't wear yourself out..._you_ make me happy, and that's what counts." Before she could say anything, she found herself suspended a foot or two off the ground as Garrus held her tightly in his arms. She couldn't help but chuckle as she returned the gesture.

"I love you too, Garrus." Tali whispered, trying harder not to giggle as she watched discombobulated pedestrians stumble and fall over each other in confusion as they noticed the Quarian and Turian.

"Um, Garrus, I think we have a problem." Tali announced.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I see Shepard and Von Seraph talking. It seemed like Admiral Hackett is with them too."

--

"Two passed out patients, a gambling Krogan and the Turian and Quarian unaccounted for. I don't think that's therapeutic, Lieutenant." Hackett grumbled.

"Von Seraph had nothing to do with that." Shepard defended. Von Seraph was remaining deathly silent.

"Regardless, that doesn't change our decision." Hackett responded just as Tali and Garrus were arriving.

"What are you talking about?" Shepard demanded. This time, Von Seraph answered.

"Alliance Command has informed me that an old unit of mine is in need of my help and I've been reassigned temporary duties with them." the lieutenant explained. What he didn't mention was that the old unit was in fact a Spectre's crew, one he had worked with before.

"So we're going back on duty?" Shepard asked.

"Not quite, the rest of your rehabilitation will be overlooked by a different doctor." Hackett announced.

"Who?"

As if on cue, a stern looking Asari walked up next to Von Seraph. The lieutenant did not hide his feelings. The glance he shot at her was one of cold displeasure.

"This is Matron Delise Sravera. She will be your new counselor." Hackett announced.

--

_Author's note:_

_Just a couple house keeping issues. Don't worry, Mass Ethics will clearly continue with this turn of events. However, I feel that the direction is becoming foggy. I am always open for ideas, so please take this opportunity to give me feedback or ideas you'd like to see explored. There is also another purpose for this._

_I do plan on using the next chapter to play around with a sequel I am working on. Some of you may be familiar with my other work, Retrovirus. For those of you who looked, a sequel is indeed in the works, but several damaging delays have hit it. The two stories will remain largely separated but for those of you who have grown attached to Von Seraph, don't worry, you have not seen the last of him. Or maybe you have. You'll have to wait till the next chapter which I want to act as a type of groundwork where I can figure out how I want to go about both stories. They will remain separate, but this will also serve as a convenient way to try and breathe some life back into both of them. _

_Blessings_


	21. Chapter 21

Commander On Deck

Matron Delise Sravera had proven to be nothing more than a frigid psychiatrist since Von Seraph was first dismissed and sent off without further ado. The Asari matron had done nothing but remind them all that she saw them as test subjects, projects to be completed at the highest possible speed. Needless to say, they were all slightly intimidated if not a bit put off by it. The only upside they could find was that they had at least been moved to the Citadel, their belongings that had been back on Earth were being sent for. In the meantime, Shepard and his crew did not know what to do except talk about the current turn of events as well as their feelings about it.

"I don't know if I like her. She hasn't even spoken a word to us, other than glancing at our records and asking a few quick questions." Ashley murmured.

"I do not believe it can be that bad. Von Seraph's replacement is lamentable, but I'm sure there is a good reason they chose Matron Sravera." Liara replied.

"You're just saying that because she's an Asari." Ashley shot.

"With all due respect, your prejudices against non-human species does not help validate your opinions." Liara retorted.

"Are you two going to get into a fight again?" Shepard inquired exasperatedly.

"No." Liara relented.

"Not yet." Ashley grumbled.

"Look, I don't think we like this at all and Dr. Sravera may have struck us the wrong way, but lets just get this over with. What's the worse that can happen?" Shepard mediated. It was at that moment that the Asari counselor marched past the group of troubled spacers.

"Dr. Liara T'soni, come with me." was all that Sravera said, not even bothering to look at Liara in the eye. The Asari scientist looked at the others carefully, as if to say "here goes nothing" before following the Matron into the meeting room.

"What do you think is the worse that could happen, Commander?" Garrus asked, his talons folded across his chest.

"I don't know. Von Seraph did well counseling us and he's had to balance that work with his combat duties. I think Matron Sravera has devoted most of her life's work to this and she's several hundred years old. It should only get better from here." Shepard shrugged.

Only about thirty minutes later did they find out just how different things could be. It became apparent when Liara stormed out of the meeting room, her countenance a surprising blend of shock and indignation.

"How did it go, Liara?" Tali asked.

"She diagnosed me with nymphomania!" Liara cried. No one was quite sure what Tali's reaction was on account of her visor. However, Garrus and Ashley did not seem too sure on what they were hearing. Wrex could be heard snickering. In contrast, Shepard seemed almost sympathetic to the diagnosis.

"This is an clearly a mistake! I am not a nymphomaniac!" Liara defended.

"What treatment did she prescribe?" Shepard inquired, still trying to hide his obvious disagreement.

"Conscience melding therapy." the Asari responded.

"What's that?"

"It's an affront to the use of the mind meld! Normally a conscience joining is only done by consenting parties and never for these purposes because it's taking someone's personality and molding the other person to it." Liara explained.

"Hmm...yeah, that doesn't sound right." Shepard murmured.

"And she says there's no way around it. Since we're patients and she's been hired by the Alliance, I can't decline or I'll be dismissed." Liara announced.

"All right, just calm down and I'll talk to her afterwards. Is there anyone else she wanted to see?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, Garrus." the Turian gave a small nod of acknowledgment before walking off towards the direction of the meeting room.

Garrus took even less time and he appeared even more disturbed than Liara did when he almost literally stumbled back to the group. Shepard had to admit, he never thought he would be able to say it but Garrus seemed...pale?

"Garrus, what's wrong?" Tali asked, immediately concerned.

"You have no clue what she's diagnosed me with." Garrus muttered.

"What?"

"This." Garrus handed Shepard what appeared to be list. Ashley started to read over his shoulder.

"Workaholic, three possibilities of detrimental personality disorders stemming from work attitudes and overzealousness of justice, emotional repression and- What!?!?" Ashley screeched at the last one.

"What? What is it?" Tali asked, getting alarmed.

"She's considered putting Garrus on a list of sexual predators." Shepard stated, clearly not believing what he was reading. Tali cried out a Quarian exclamation.

"Whatever reason for!?"

"Because apparently, you're underage and, I quote, 'Whoever heard of a Turian and Quarian being on romantic terms?'"

"You think that's bad, look at what she's prescribing." Wrex muttered, also reading over Shepard's other shoulder.

"Mind meld, several mind therapeutic drugs, some of them experimental AND chemical castration." the Krogan recited. Now there was no mistaking it, Garrus _was_ pale. The Turian simply slumped against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the floor, the perfect picture of shell shocked.

Tali who was next did not seem very excited about her appointment.

And on down the line did the overzealous diagnostics that were complimented by equally overzealous treatments. For Tali, it was insomnia, unhealthy technological fascination and emotional abuse (on account of Garrus' part) that was to be taken care of by various pills and also mind melding. The Quarian's final complaint was that "She barely even bothered to listen to me! She told me that I talked too much! I do NOT talk that much! How could she!?"

Ashley was told that she was anti-social, xenophobic, and had rebellious tendencies. Not only would she need mind meld therapy but also further counseling by Matron Sravera herself (of course) and would probably be suspended from duty for further time.

Wrex just flat out ended up as anti-social with highly destructive tendencies. Wrex's only response was "These are problems? Since when?" When told he was going to need mind melding therapy as well as further behavioral altering medication, he was adamant about not taking them. Why should he change when he had been this way for several hundred years and it only helped him to survive? It's not like sensitivity training would help him in his line of work.

The next thing Shepard knew, he was in the center of a furious crowd that had been rather emotionally distressed by the impending consequences of their emotional therapy.

"I believe I speak on everyone's case that her diagnosis blew everyone's true state out of proportion-" Liara was interrupted by Garrus.

"I am NOT getting neutered!"

"Not like you had enough balls to begin with. What about me? Too hell with what she thinks, if I want to bloody blow up a space facility, I'll bloody blow up a space facility and like it!" Wrex shouted.

"The insomnia problem was taken care of long ago! And who's to say I was abused by Garrus? The only thing he's capable of abusing is some delinquent and his sense of humor. Besides, she wouldn't let me finish any of my stories!" Tali complained.

"Xenophobic? I'll go all xenophobic on her with my assault rifle!" Ashley screeched.

"Guys, enough!" Shepard shouted above the noise. Everyone else quieted just enough to listen to him. Shepard sighed as he realized that now would be one of those times they were going to look to him as a leader and he would have to act as a leader. The only problem was how was he going to lead them out of this one? It wasn't as if he could just order Wrex to fire a carnage round into the problem or tell Garrus to assassinate it.

_"Well I could, but that might fall a little bit into the overreaction category." _

But how could he talk the Matron out of this one? It wasn't as if he could automatically be given a choice on what to say that would give him the answer to a noble solution. Life would be so much more easier that way.

_"Yeah, just point and click." _Shepard continued to think as quickly as he could. He was up next and he couldn't stall the Matron forever.

_"Wait a minute, I'm a Spectre, gosh darn it! I was told I could do whatever I wanted in order to accomplish my mission, and my mission is to take out the Reapers." _

Only a moment later did the words of a certain Lieutenant remind him about what his true intentions should be when making a decision.

_"Right...crap...okay, tone down the chutzpah, but how am I still going to be able to assert my authority while still being a paragon but without going all ballistic on her? Can't there be some middle ground?" _

If there was a middle ground he had to find it quickly since he was standing right at the doorstep of the meeting room.

Shepard decided to be polite enough to let Sravera drill him with questions he could clearly see were slanted in a certain direction. It seemed like the Asari wanted to find problems in his psyche. It reminded him of a certain reporter.

_"No, don't punch her out...don't punch her out...don't punch her out..." _

"Commander, we're looking at a lot of work and I believe only further counseling and mind meld therapy will provide any therapy. Since we have more time, I can start one short session now." Sravera announced at the end.

"Um...thanks, but no thanks." Shepard hesitated.

"You wish to delay your treatment?" Sravera asked.

"Yes. Indefinitely, as in I'm taking me and my crew out of here. We're not perfect, but I think we've had about as much therapy as we need."

"On the contrary, Commander, I believe otherwise. Now look into my eyes." Shepard's mind raced furiously as he watched Sravera inch closer to him as her pupils dilated and changed. What was he going to do? Didn't he have a right to not let his mind get scrambled like an egg? Suddenly, he thought of something.

Matron Sravera yelped in pain after Shepard poked her in the eyes.

_"So simple too, why didn't I think of that earlier?" _

"Commander! Why did you do that!?" Sravera demanded, rubbing the pain out of her eyes.

"Like I said, I'm done and I do not consent to this therapy. I have seen my unit through thick and thin and I believe we're ready for action. Besides, I don't believe you are going about your treatment the right way." Shepard explained calmly.

"With all due respect, what do you know about treatment?" Sravera demanded skeptically.

"Well, if it's an AI, Geth, pirate, creeper or other problem, you shoot it. If it's a malfunctioned machinery, you apply omni-gel. If it's anything else, you talk it out. If its the Council, you listen to the details and politely ignore the rest. Oh, and if you're half dead, you apply medi-gel." Shepard smiled sarcastically.

"Don't get cheeky with me, Commander." Sravera growled.

"I'm not, I don't think I have chipmunk cheeks."

"Wait...what?"

"Look, it's been fun, but we're going. Goodbye, Matron Sravera."

"You're not going anywhere, Commander." Sravera asserted, once again allowing her pupils to dilate and force Shepard into a mind meld. Just before Shepard lost his own volition, he spotted something shiny on the walls.

--

Shepard walked back to join the rest of his crew in the hallway. He was whistling happily.

"Okay guys, we're free to go. Get your stuff." Shepard announced. Tali tilted her head curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"Our therapy is done. I talked her out of it. We're all free to go." Shepard shrugged. The rest of his crew reacted joyfully. Garrus gave him a pat on the back as they walked towards the exit.

"What did you ever do to talk her out of that, Shepard?" the Turian asked.

"Eh, I forced her to do little self reflection in the mirror."

"That was a bad pun, Commander." Garrus replied.

--

In an undisclosed location, Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph sat at a comm link, listening to what was being spoken to him. The infiltrator could not help but let a slight smile cross his face as he digested what he heard. He scratched his head as best he could with the gauntlet of his fastened Predator M armor. Surely, the admiral would expect him to respond.

"So, Shepard walked right out on her. We're still not sure what exactly are the ramifications of an Asari accidentally doing a mind meld on herself. Anyway, it seems you're the only counselor they'll accept. Where do you think we should go from here?" Hackett asked. Von Seraph scratched his chin.

"You know, judging from the way they were from how I left them, and by Shepard's handling of the situation you just described..."

"Yes?"

"I'd say they're okay. We've done all we can."

"But Shepard-"

"I know, but what do you expect? He's a Spectre, he has the authority to do that and he's adamant about completing his mission. Besides, he didn't throw a fit like before." Lucas pointed out.

"That's true...very well, Command out."

Lucas sat back and allowed himself to relax a bit. He liked to think that somewhere out there a certain human Spectre and his crew was made just a little bit more wiser.

--

Shepard stood behind Joker and could not help but feel just a little bit better about what happened as the _Normandy _shot off to her destination. He reflected on this little mental journey and what he had learned. Apparently, sarcasm was an amazing middle ground. He wondered why no one ever bothered to mentioned it

He wondered where things would go from here. There was still a galaxy to save, new oddities to find, minerals to scavenged, new planets to tear up with the Mako. Thresher Maws to kill...

Anywho, as long as it didn't mean getting barfed on again. And hit on too much.

--

_Author's note:_

_Well, it's been quite a journey. I know I said this on before, but I want to put Mass Ethics on a hiatus on this note. I want to work on the sequel to Retrovirus more as well as other ideas I'm getting. For those of you who really enjoyed Mass Ethics, I can only offer that I don't know if this really is the end. I may get some flash ideas and publish when they come or I may revive it if Mass Effect II provides any more material to use. The best I can offer is the usual, if you want something you'd like to see, send me a message and I'll certainly at least try and tackle it. Until then, blessings on you and I would be honored to hear your reviews, criticisms and witticisms on the next story I publish. _


	22. Chapter 22

_Author's Note: Well, in getting a hundred reviews for this story, as well as being away for awhile and in light of the fact that this has been one of my admittedly more successful stories, I felt it should have been marked with another chapter. Perhaps it is not in the spirit of how I originally intended this work, but it's the only thing that could come to mind. Hope my humor did not get too rusty._

_

* * *

  
_

_**Just Another Crappy Day**_

Lt. Lucas Von Seraph took in a very deep breath and let it out slowly. He let the aroma wafting from his cup of chai fill his senses as the spices reminded him of more pleasant, relaxing times while the music of a Gregorian chant filled his ears. In front of him was an open scroll filled with elaborate writings in an ancient Greek script. These were things that calmed him. He was trying to soak it in. In an air of reverence, he crossed himself to the end of a prayer. He knew his serenity was going to end shortly.

The reason being was on his desk. The harbingers sat in front of his desk.

Lucas shut off the music and sat very quietly at his chair to face those who were unfortunately chosen to help him with this current crisis. With professional dignity and composure, he started to explain the situation to his visitors.

"The Alliance command is very concerned with the overall health of their soldiers. Part of the overall health of the soldiers is a little subsection called 'psychological and emotional health.' That being said, they become rather distressed when they notice 'frequent fliers,' if you will, starting to appear in the counseling section of their services. Believe it or not, repeated incidents also causes, shall we say, distress, to the counselors involved. Some of them have no choice because it is believed that they are the only ones capable of handling such specific patients while at the same time their overall competence is questioned." Lucas explained quietly. He was answered with silence from his two visitors.

"So that being said, can you kindly but articulately tell me, _what the flip happened this time!?_" Lucas snapped, his hands and fingers strangely resembling frazzled claws in his apparent frustration.

His two visitors, specifically Garrus and Tali, gulped as they were at a loss as to where to start.

"Well...where would you like us to begin?" Garrus asked carefully. Lucas sighed and rubbed a tired brow.

"I'll be honest, I'm running out of options on who I believe I can have any hopes of getting a good account from. I've decided that you two are probably my better options. Regardless, this still irks me. By all accounts, it doesn't seem like you guys need a therapist for this situation." Lucas commented.

"So why are we here?" Tali asked curiously. Lucas shot her a look.

"Because when a high-tech, prototype, experimental and very expensive Alliance frigate is found dead in the water in space and needs to be towed to a repair station by other frigates, and the fact that their crew is considered 'frequent fliers,' as mentioned before, the Alliance feels that they need to send a shrink as well as a couple techies...you know, to keep the bean counters and the brass happy." Lucas explained.

"Ahhh..." Tali answered, understanding. Sort of.

"So start at the beginning!" Lucas growled, snapping the two aliens' attentions back to business.

"Uh, right! Well, uh..." Tali sputtered. Garrus also seemed to be thinking himself. Lucas meanwhile pulled up a computer and let his hands rest on a keyboard before he glanced back at them. It seemed like they had finally found the bottom of what had first appeared the rather deep tank of Lucas' patience. Apparently, the _Normandy_'s crew had made the accomplishment of being able to scratch the bottom of it.

"Well...uh, Garrus, maybe you should start." Tali suggested. The Turian cast a nervous look at her before facing Lucas again. The counselor was staring back as patiently as he could.

"Ahem...well, it all started when...

--

Commander Shepard, Wrex, Garrus and Joker sat around the mess table. It was one of those rare times when their schedules had allowed them all to take break at the same time. Garrus had drifted over from his work at the nearby computer, having taken over the duties of the late Alenko. Garrus found a rather sheepish Shepard trying to listen to a rather bawdy conversation between Wrex and Joker. It was the Normandy's pilot that was talking.

"...So yeah, I was too busy to pay attention to that, but hey, if I'm ever back where I went through training, I'd totally try to find that hot flight instructor again."

"You should have made your move the first time around." Wrex stated.

"Hey, like I said I was busy the first time around. Given the opportunity, I would have. Hot blonde like her, yeah, I'd hit that." Joker snickered. Garrus wracked his mind. Something told him that phrase was not being used the way he had normally understood it to mean. Shepard meanwhile let out a sigh.

"You know, I really don't understand the euphemisms we use for these things. They really don't make sense and when you take it too far, it just becomes ridiculous." the Commander shrugged.

"What do you mean, Commander?" Joker asked.

"I mean, like 'hot,' 'chick,' even 'make out.' How does that even remotely resemble what they're being used for? I mean, think about what you're saying. You're going to 'hit that' because you've got 'wood?' That's just completely wrong. Back in the day in Europe when you were allowed to hit your wife, you could only hit her with a certain sized wooden switch. It's where we got 'Rule of Thumb.' See, it just doesn't work. In fact, it only seems to backfire if you think about it too much." Shepard tried to explain. By now, Garrus' head was swimming in confusion.

"Hey man, I wouldn't use my thumb." Joker remarked.

"I rest my case..." Shepard sighed, realizing that his rant barely made any sense, even to himself. Meanwhile, Wrex looked like he was immensely enjoying the whole situation.

"Did I just miss something?" Garrus asked.

"No." Shepard remarked.

"Yes." Joker contradicted.

"Garrus, you were too sheltered for your own good." Wrex muttered.

"Hey, it's okay there, officer. I could give you a few tips on getting enlightenment in this concept after a basic dialect course." Joker offered with a mischievous grin, all of which was lost on Garrus. Meanwhile, Shepard was silently motioning a giant "NO" to Garrus.

"Bah, he'll need it, trying to hit Tali and all." Wrex snickered. Joker started laughing.

"Why would I hit Tali? If anything, it would be more productive to hit you." Garrus grumbled, still unaware of the crude usage of the current dialect. Joker couldn't help it any more.

"At least he doesn't hit on you." Joker quipped before roaring in laughter. Wrex shot him an icy look which under any other normal circumstances would have vaporized any other person in the galaxy.

"Aren't you full of wise sayings today?" Wrex grumbled.

And at that moment, the Normandy made a sudden and lurching abrupt halt.

Both Wrex and Garrus were felled, landing hard on their backs while the momentum forced Shepard to crash face first into the table. Joker, having gotten up to return to his duties at the helm, was simply catapulted clear of the whole setting and landed somewhere in the middle of the sleeper pods. The thump of his landing was immediately followed by an encore of sickening snaps. This immediately prompted a baritone scream.

"Oh sweet holy crap, my legs!" Joker howled. Then the lights went out.

--

Down in engineering, the unthinkable happened. This had a whole new meaning to Tali because she had been spending her spare time reading on theoretical physics. Apparently, just because something was unthinkable did not necessarily mean that it was impossible. According to theoretical physics, the absolutely absurd, though highly unlikely to happen, could still happen within a insignificant but still existent possibility. In this case, the unthinkable was her elegant and cuddly Tantalus drive core jumping out and biting her. This manifested itself in the form of several hundred volts.

Chief Engineer Adams could only stare in the dim light, illuminated only by the residual glow of the drive core, as Tali was simply catapulted across the room and pancaked against the opposite wall. The Quarian landed with a thud.

"Ouch!" Tali cried on impact before letting herself be helped up by the other crew members.

"Tali, how is it that you're not dead, much less brain fried?" Adams asked when it seemed that Tali did not seem any worse the wear.

"I think my suit absorbed most of the shock. The real question is what exactly happened to the _Normandy_." Tali offered. It was at that moment they heard the entrance door being manually wrenched open before a single beam of light peeked through.

"What did you guys do? The whole ship is out of power." Ashley's voice called through the dark.

"Not sure, Gunnery Chief. I'd suggest you take Tali and both of you try to find the Commander to further assess the whole situation. Me and the boys will try to get some of our systems back online." Adams suggested.

"Good idea." Ashley agreed.

"Um, but, could we borrow your flashlight? I assume there's a light on Tali's omni-tool."

"Oh. Certainly." Ashley then awkwardly swept the light until the found Adams before joining Tali and exiting engineering.

"You have any idea what could have caused this?" Ashley asked as they made their way to the elevator.

"I had nothing to do with it." Tali answered quickly, deciding not to mention the electrifying moment with the core before the lights went out. Better to leave that on a "need to know" basis.

--

Meanwhile, upstairs, Dr. Liara T'soni and Dr. Chakwas helped the men on the outside wrestle the mechanical doors open. Needless to say, it was becoming increasingly obvious that modern civilization had become too dependent on automated doors.

"Shepard, I appreciate your concern in that you decided to try and help us out of here." Liara stated.

"Actually, my foremost thought was trying to get Joker into here, but you're welcome." Shepard admitted. Liara secretly rolled her eyes.

"So what exactly happened here?" Dr. Chakwas asked, turning on a large flashlight to provide better illumination than the collective omni-tools.

"The sudden stop sent him off his feet. We're guessing he broke a couple of bones." Garrus explained.

"All right, Liara and Garrus, carefully get him to that examination table. We're going to have to make do with what we have. Commander, there is something important I must explain to you." Chakwas ordered more than asked. As the two aliens set out to follow the medic's orders, Shepard gave the doctor his full attention. Chakwas started explaining the situation carefully.

"Just before the power went out, one of the disposal systems reported a leak in its systems. This needs to be dealt with immediately." Chakwas informed.

"We will get to it as soon as we get the power back online." Shepard assured.

"I don't think you understand, Commander. That disposal system handles everything from our bio-hazard medical wastes to the spent industrial compounds, right down to our excrement."

"You mean-"

"Yes, not only is the _Normandy's_ plumbing now out of operation, its going to come back to haunt us. Commander, I do not want to brief you on the necessity and dangers of unsanitary conditions. Cities have fallen because of a mismanagement of, I don't mean to be crass, crap."

"I assume you have a suggestion as to who would be the best candidate to go hunting through there?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"Actually, I do." Chakwas announced.

"Hey, sorry we're late, we had to jerry rig the backup power supply to the elevator. Did we miss anything?" Ashley asked.

"Not much, just a lot of mayhem." Wrex muttered.

"Doctor, why are you pointing at me?" Tali asked.

"Are you sure?" Shepard asked the medic.

"What's going on? I didn't do it!" Tali asserted.

"Believe it or not, she's got the perfect suit for it. I mean, its entirely made to shut her out from the environment." Chakwas explained.

"Can someone please tell me what me and my suit have to do with anything?" Tali demanded.

"They want you to go through our plumbing system because your suit is the most likely to keep out crap." Wrex bluntly informed.

"Hahaha, that's a good one. It's amazing on how you humans can find the time to be funny in any situation." Tali giggled. She was met with an awkward silence.

"What? You're kidding, right? Please tell me you were kidding." Tali pleaded. She felt Garrus comfortingly pat her on the shoulder.

"Unfortunately, no. We're not kidding." Shepard apologized.

"Crap." Tali muttered.

--

Chakwas had to desperately search through the medical storage for any equipment that might be able to take care of Joker's situation without the help of the _Normandy's _dead power system. Shepard, Ashley and Wrex went up to the deck to check on Presley as well as trying to figure out what caused the power outage. Meanwhile, Tali and Garrus were sent to go industrial diving. Shepard decided that the men in engineering could take care of the drive core themselves.

That left Liara trying to stabilize a rather cranky Joker.

"So what were you and the men talking about before you got here?" Liara asked, trying to distract Joker from the pain.

"About a flight instructor I'd hit if I ever returned to the academy." Joker grunted. Liara was horrified.

"Strike? Why would you hit this flight instructor? What did they do to deserve abuse?" the Asari asked.

"Because she's hot!" Joker howled, more out of pain than frustration. Liara was confused.

"But...this discomforts you?" Liara inquired in bewilderment, probably not even understanding what the phrase meant.

"No, no, that's not what 'hit' means." Joker groaned.

"Then what could it possibly mean?"

Joker painfully and angrily explained exactly what it meant in this context. Liara was left momentarily speechless.

"Grrr, why haven't you given me a dose of painkillers yet?" Joker grimaced through clenched teeth. He could feel himself losing his temper because of all the pain.

"Patience, Joker. Even when Chakwas finds the painkillers, it will probably take us some time in the dark to figure out the proper dosage." Liara explained sensibly.

"I swear, if I didn't know you any better, I'd hit you!" Joker growled, feeling his temper slip. He abruptly felt a sharp pain explode across his face just in time to a hand print spontaneously manifest itself on his cheek.

"I'm not sure that was appropriate, Joker. The feeling is not mutual." Liara scolded sternly.

"What the heck was that for!?" Joker demanded.

"In light of our previous discussion, I think you know full well what that was for." Liara snapped, her arms folded in front of her chest. Joker cursed.

"No, I didn't mean it that way. Geez, I'd why would I _ever_ try to seduce you?" Joker demanded. Liara's face revealed another light of reproach.

"What, are you saying I'm not attractive?" Liara demanded.

"No!" Joker yelled. Another hand print appeared on his face.

"I mean, yes, er, no, that is, what I'm trying to say..." Joker faltered under the mounting disgust growing on Liara's face.

"Fine, what the heck do you want me to say!?" Joker growled. Liara paused before her face registered a startling revelation.

"To be honest, I'm not quite sure myself."

--

"Wait, wait, wait, hold it!" Lucas ordered, a hand waving wildly, signaling for the two aliens to stop.

"What's wrong?" Tali asked.

"Just how did you two hear about that story? From what I understand, you two were away." Lucas asked.

"Liara told us later." Tali explained.

"Oh." Lucas replied, secretly typing "Hearsay" in bold letters in his report.

"We also heard part of the conversation while working on the disposal system." Garrus added.

"Uh huh..." Lucas murmured, modifying his report to now say "Hearsay, but only slightly."

"Continue." Lucas ordered. Tali started.

"Well, as we were saying..."

--

Garrus waited in the dark, waiting to hand any necessary tools to Tali as soon as she demanded any. Otherwise, all he could do was listen to her bump around in the machinery down in a darker hole. Only the odd flashes of light suggested where her omni-tool illuminator was.

"How are you doing?" Garrus asked, peeking his head as deep into the hole as he dared. He certainly wouldn't want to accidentally fall into...whatever was in there other than Tali.

"I think I may have found a leak, it would certainly explain all the gunk in here. I'm glad I can turn off the scent receptors in my suit." Tali answered. Garrus was suddenly aware of the unpleasant aroma. He tried to ignore it.

"Garrus, is there a way you can locate another container of omni-gel?" Tali asked. Garrus felt around on his belt before he found what he was locating.

"I actually have one on me." Garrus replied.

"Oh good." Tali replied before Garrus heard more sounds of work being accomplished. He sighed before stopping abruptly before turning his head to take a deep breath from more desirable smelling air. He suddenly heard Tali approaching.

"I've sealed up most of the leak but I'm going to need another container of omni-gel. I'm also going to have to wait for them to put up the power systems before I leave. I'm probably covered in undesirable hazards." Tali stated, her paw suddenly coming into view waiting to receive the omni-gel. Garrus carefully placed the precious fluid into her paw.

"I still think you're cute." Garrus stated. Suddenly, he found himself face to face to Tali before her visor briefly tapped his own face before she disappeared back into the hole. It was a moment before Garrus got it. It was the best attempt of a small kiss as they could get.

"You're very sweet." Tali complimented while working. Garrus meanwhile let his talons idly touch the spot where her visor hit him. For a kiss, it had in fact been moist.

Wait a minute.

"Aw, crap."

--

Shepard was faced with one of those decisions that he just didn't want to make. Truth be told, Joker was the master of his domain at the helm. In other words, no one truly knew the helm like Joker did. Usually this was not a problem. Unfortunately, with Joker (granted, unknowingly) being slapped silly in the medical bay, someone had to figure out what all these buttons did.

"Why aren't these things explicitly marked?" Ashley asked.

"Maybe because situations like these weren't exactly thought about." Wrex remarked. Shepard had to nod. Sadly, things usually weren't done until after something broke or went wrong. Before then, no one thought about anticipating them.

"Well, what do we do? Only Joker knows what half of these buttons do and he's incapacitated. Some of them may not even work because our power is gone." Ashley said. Shepard sighed.

"I'm sure an emergency signal has its own backup power supply and protected electronics." the Commander offered.

"Well, what do we do?" Ashley pressed.

"You want my absolute professional opinion?" Shepard asked.

"Sure."

"Start pressing buttons." Shepard shrugged.

--

"Around that time, Shepard and the others must have been able to activate an emergency beacon because several Alliance ships were able to converge on our position several minutes later." Garrus explained. Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"So I'm to understand that no gross irresponsibility, most specifically psychologically based, caused this problem?" Lucas asked.

"Of course not. Other than the usual immaturity of most of our crew, there was nothing we could have done to avoid this mechanical failure." Garrus replied. Lucas was becoming satisfied.

"What have preliminary investigations suggested that may have caused this problem?" Lucas inquired. Tali perked up a bit, obviously having an answer.

"Actually, I did some research and found that there was a nearby binary star. It had also recently emitted a massive flare that came within the path of the _Normandy_. That flare acted like an electromagnetic pulse. Although our electronics have been hardened to guard against this, this was an especially strong flare and must have knocked out electronics." Tali explained.

"I see." Lucas murmured, finishing up writing his report. Returned to his normal demeanor, the lieutenant took another sip of his chai.

"So...anything else?" Garrus asked.

"Nope, that'll be all." Lucas replied, waving them off.

"Well then, see you around, Lieutenant." Garrus answered, slowly getting up with Tali.

"Ah yes, I apologize for my behavior earlier. Go in peace." Lucas replied.

"So, can we contact you if it becomes necessary."

"I suppose." Lucas stated thoughtfully.

"Really?" Garrus asked.

"Yes. Get out of my office." the counselor replied quickly.

Outside, Garrus and Tali walked back quietly. Garrued looked over and noticed that her body language suggested she was being thoughtful.

"What's on your mind?" Garrus asked.

"I have a question." Tali asked.

"What's that?"

"Why would the Alliance need people counting beans?"


	23. Chapter 23

_The Exorcism of the SSV Normandy_

It had been awhile since Shepard had to handle an ethical problem that had certain ramifications. Furthermore, ethical problem or no, he had never had to deal with a problem on this level. This was certainly out of his field. That being said, that was why he had called in an expert on the situation.

"I still can't believe we're doing this." Shepard sighed, slowly raking a tired hand from his brow down the rest of his face.

"You think we have any other options? It's not like we can shoot this." Ashley replied.

"I still believe there is a more plausible explanation for this other than the one we are banking on." Liara murmured.

"I agree." Garrus added.

"I don't like it either, but this has gone on far enough and this seems to be the only solution the others have offered. All of your other solutions have failed." Wrex grumped.

"That's because after you and Shepard got torn up, no one else wanted to go in there and inspect the situation." Tali defended.

"Everyone, enough. Let's just wait till the lieutenant gets here and we'll go from there. In the meantime, our bickering is not going to help and probably make it worse...that is if you believe in that kind of stuff." Shepard shushed all of them.

It's not like he was superstitious or anything, but Shepard also personally believed, on account of having been in a few, that there are no atheists in foxholes.

Especially if that foxhole currently seems to be a rather demonic weapons locker.

--

They all traced their problems back to a shipment they had to pick up at a rather shoddy space dock. None of them liked the place but Shepard could not pick the assignments they were given, especially if they were sent from Admiral Hackett himself. If Hackett said find a satellite memory disk, you said "Even if it means going down the bottom of a Geth loaded mine shaft." If Hackett said save a bunch of doctors held hostage by biotics, you said "Even if the media tears me apart and calls it a blood bath because one idiot doctor stepped in front of my trigger happy gunnery chief." You just had to do these things, though you probably wondered what the heck the rest of the idiot fleet was doing.

"I do not like this place. I'm in this full body suit and even I feel grimy. When was the last time they cleaned this place? It must be an unsanitary pathogen bonanza. How do you deal with this, Garrus?" Tali asked as Wrex and the Turian wrestled a heavy crate by her.

"I try not to think about it or ignore it being pointed out." Garrus grunted, straining hard.

"I'd practically feel violated if I had to work in this." Tali stated.

"As if Garrus here does not violate you enough." Wrex snickered. Garrus shot him a look before promptly dropping his end of the crate. The idea was to upset the weight and exact payback on the Krogan. The unfortunate reality was that he also dropped his end right on his foot talon.

"Arrrgggghh! My foot!" the Turian yelled, Tali immediately coming to his aide. Meanwhile, Wrex just simply dropped his side as well and cross his arms. He stared in smug satisfaction at the chaos he caused. Meanwhile, Ashley walked by handling a smaller crate.

"Wrex, don't be mean and at least apologize or something." Ashley scolded.

"Are you kidding? You know the day isn't complete if I haven't caused some kind of disaster." Wrex shrugged.

"It certainly isn't." Ashley sighed before getting back to completing her task. Why did she have to work with such children?

While that was all going on, Shepard was checking up the final details with the dock quartermaster. Both were giving it one last look over, Shepard also shaking his head as the spectacle that was going on between Wrex and Garrus.

"What else needs to be taken?" Shepard asked.

"Just this set of crates over here." the quartermaster motioned. Shepard looked at them carefully. With Garrus currently attending to a foot problem and the already limited personnel they had, Shepard wondered if it would be more beneficial to speed up the process. The question became a matter of how. That's when he noticed the Asari scientist milling about.

"Liara, is there a way you could use your biotics to move these crates into the _Normandy?_" the commander asked. Liara glanced at the crates and scratched her blue chin thoughtfully.

"I think there might be a way without causing too much undo havoc. Let's try this."

Immediately, Liara opened a small lift field. The stacked crates started to levitate a small distance off the metal floor. The onlookers all made small grimaces of disgust at the slimy, malodorous liquid that visibly dripped off the bottom of some of the crates.

"Yeah, we haven't had the time to clean this place lately." the quartermaster shrugged sheepishly.

Then, with a small push, the crates made their way into the garage of the _Normandy_ before they came to a decisive rest on the floor. Only a small mess was made by some of the smaller packages falling to the floor.

"Well, that's one way to do it. Why didn't I think of that?" Wrex murmured to himself.

"I believe we're done here then." Shepard announced, taking the proper paperwork to sign from the quartermaster. Silently, the commander was quietly grumbling about the mess that was transferred on board his ship. He'd probably have Tali clean that up later. Or maybe Wrex. That Krogan had been acting up lately.

Suddenly, a disheveled and unkempt man stumbled up to the quartermaster and commander. Wild eyed, the stranger suddenly started to rave.

"Evil! You have taken evil onto your ship! Beware, for evil dwells within those crates. Beware, beware! Woe to you all! Black as a shadow evil is and will tear you with its claws!"

A bit disturbed, Shepard glanced at the quartermaster. In response, the officer simply sighed in exasperation.

"One of the station's bums. We can't get rid of him and he can't leave. We don't know how long he's been here." Shepard paused for a moment, trying to decide the best course of action. He didn't take well to possible crazies ranting in his face. It reminded him too much of husks.

"Just...just make sure he's secured somewhere and given proper medical attention. And make sure this cargo bay gets cleaned up to Alliance specifications, soldier." Shepard warned before returning to his ship.

The problems began the next day

--

Ashley was taking care of her usual business of cleaning the armory rifles. It was any man's guess why these things needed constant maintenance when in all reality they only used these on the sporadic occasions they had to disembark. Even then, why didn't the decontamination process whisk away any of the possible contaminates when they all stepped aboard? Sure, perhaps some cleaning would have to be done every now and then, but why did every single rifle have to be cleaned every single time? Did dust reproduce via binary fission when not under supervision? The marine just did not-

What was that?

Ashley took in the quiet surroundings behind her as something in her gut told her that there was a quick movement behind her. Something dark, small and not exactly friendly. It sure didn't help that Wrex and Garrus were elsewhere and she was the only one left down here. Shaking her head and deciding that it was just perhaps a flicker of the light and the fact that she had been working for awhile, the marine got back to work.

It was perhaps another hour or so before she finally finished her duties. Wiping a bead of sweat from off her brow, Ashley wiped the grime off her hands with a rag and made her way to the elevator.

Just when she passed the lockers, she thought she heard a hiss.

Ashley, a bit spooked at this point, tilted her head as she stared at the row of innocent looking weapons lockers. Why or what in the galaxy would cause them to hiss?

Ashley suddenly decided to tell herself to get a grip. Clearly she needed to get more sleep. Absurd, a locker hissing.

Too bad it really wasn't her mind playing tricks on her.

--

The next day, Garrus returned to his post at taking care of the Mako. They were still a few more days from their destination but at least all that slime and dirt was cleaned up. It had in fact been Tali who was assigned to clean it but Garrus decided to take a little time off of duties to give her a hand. The crates had been returned to pristine condition and set in order.

This was why it was so stunning when he found most of the smaller crates completely strewn all over the floor.

Even for a prank, this was a little bit immature, even for Wrex. No, Wrex would have blown them to debris, not simply thrown them across the floor. There was no one else here. Could it have been possible some unnoticed fluctuation in their flight path had disturbed the crates? Garrus had heard reports of the artificial gravity causing some weird things to happen.

After a moment of furrowed brows, Garrus decided it had in fact been some weird fluke with the artificial gravity. Oh well, at least no one was hurt. That rationalized, Garrus immediately got to cleaning up the mess. It should only take five minutes or so.

Once all the boxes were returned, the Turian made his way under the Mako to check the chassis and structural integrity. All the bolts appeared healthy, no glaring or minute lesions in the welding and all the wheels appeared to be in order. So far under his tech skills, this piece of hardware had not gone wrong. Why yes, he was in fact made of awesome.

The Turian snickered at the small self indulgence of inflated ego as he hauled himself up from under the vehicle to check the rest of the systems.

It was a bit disconcerting to find the crates all disorganized and messed up again. Garrus walked over to inspect what had happened. At least this time the boxes weren't on the floor but they were far from the neat and organized arrangement he had left them. What was going on? He would have heard footsteps if someone had passed by. Few if anything escaped his hearing, especially in these close quarters. This could not have been one of those elusive artificial gravity flukes.

Deciding the answer would show itself later, Garrus reorganized them and finished his inspections of the Mako systems. He checked to see if the crates had moved even one iota from the last time he arranged them and found that they had not changed. Satisfied, Garrus departed on the elevator deciding to call it a day.

He had not waited long enough.

--

Only one day later, Garrus, Ashley and Wrex were once again in the bottom section of the ship. While Garrus and Ashley were taking care of their usual routines, Wrex was also busy with his own routine of moping in his corner. It was a very hard job. You try keeping up a frown for eight hours of the day.

However, even the hardened Krogan bounty hunter of several hundred years needed a break every now and then. In this case, it meant a badly needed snack. He often kept favorite snacks in his locker as it was close by. With no further ado, Wrex walked over to get something from the box.

Ashley and Garrus did not pay him any attention as he walked over. They were too busy taking care of their own jobs. However, they paid full attention to the Krogan when he yelled out in pain.

Ashley's head shot in the Krogan's direction just as he jerked his arm out of the locker. It was a moment before Ashley noticed the angry, glaring gashes runing up the entire length of the Krogan's arm. The battle master stared in shock at the large wounds that had appeared out of nowhere. It had been some time since this much blood had been drawn from him, never mind that they were just flesh wounds.

"Wrex, how did you do that to yourself?" Garrus asked from his station, making his way across the floor.

"There's apparently something in my locker, that's how I did this to myself." Wrex growled back, trying to find a pack of medi-gel nearby.

The descent from "there's something in my locker" to "the weapons locker is possessed" is a rather rambunctious one.

Within a few minutes, Shepard, Tali, Liara, Garrus, Wrex and Ashley were gathered around the appropriate locker. Wrex not so politely declined the service of Dr. Chakwas. It was much more manly to bleed generously all over the floor until your own scabs took care of it. You just didn't make it to several hundred years and still be able to blast your shotgun any other way.

"So...how did this happen?" Shepard asked skeptically.

"I just reached my arm in to get a snack and then I find my arm shredded. There's something in my locker and it's not exactly friendly." Wrex replied.

"Oh come on, there's got to be another way." Shepard replied.

"You calling me a liar, Shepard?" Wrex demanded.

"No, I'm just saying there has to be a better explanation for this." Shepard answered. These things could happen. It all had to do with perception. Willing to put his credits where his mouth was, Shepard walked over to the locker and promptly reached in.

He gambled and lost.

"Yeow! Ow!" Shepard wrenched his arm out of the locker only to find his own hand and arm in the same condition Wrex's was in. It wasn't exactly a pretty sight. Drops of blood were already starting to spill on the floor.

"Did you get a better explanation?" Wrex grumped. Shepard decided the best course of action was just to be honest and cooperative.

"Nope, not at the moment."

"Did you feel anything as to what might suggest what is doing that?" Tali asked, getting out of her shock.

"No...just sheering pain. There's something in there, and it's not exactly normal." Shepard admitted. There were several moments of silents.

"You want me to go get some bandages or something?" Ashley offered.

"No, I'm good. Just a scratch." Shepard answered. It was rather absurd assessment. That scratch, like Wrex's, run up the entire length of his arm and was dripping at a steady rate.

It was just at that moment that an angry hiss emitted from the locker. All those present immediately took a step back.

"I knew I heard something coming from that the other day." Ashley said with growing emotion.

"I'm having a feeling that this has something to do with the crates being moved the other day as well." Garrus added.

"Crates? This can move crates? Why didn't you two say anything?" Shepard asked. Information was valuable. These things just couldn't be ignored.

"We didn't think anything of it at the time. I'm pretty sure we both thought what you did. There had to be a better explanation." Garrus suggested.

"All right...so then what is this explanation. Anyone have any ideas? We got two bleeding arms to testify for it." Shepard threw out.

"I'd suggest that there is something hostile inside the locker." Liara replied.

"That is clear. The question is now what exactly is the nature of this thing." Tali said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Liara had a bad habit of stating the obvious.

"Large cuts, unseen, hissing and the slime we found on the crates before we moved it in on top of what that crazy guy said just before we left, I think Wrex's locker is possessed." Ashley said. Everyone looked at her.

"You've been watching too many horror vids." Shepard told her.

"You got a better explanation?" Ashley demanded. Another spine chilling hiss erupted from the locker as well as a few small roars for good measure. Shepard had to admit, he was running out of ideas, mostly because he had none to begin with.

"I for one believe that is absurd." Liara admitted.

"I'm going to have to agree with the doctor on this one." Tali concurred.

"I really don't know." Garrus said honestly.

"Can I shoot it?" Wrex asked.

"No." Shepard replied flatly.

"Which leaves with my suggestion as the only tangible thing we have." Ashley muttered, arms crossed.

"There has got to be some kind of answer to this." Shepard said.

"Look, I don't exactly like my suggestion either and I'd gladly bank on any other solution that would answer all of the clues we have. However, until some one comes up with a better answer, mine is the only one that still holds." Ashley pointed out. Shepard had to admit she had a point.

"Well even if it is possessed, it's not like we have an exorcist among us." the Commander sighed.

"But I think we know one." Garrus stated.

"I was afraid it would come down to that." Shepard sighed.

"But should we really both him? This thing might just fix itself. Granted, I don't know how, but it might." Tali said.

"I am not waiting for this thing to fix itself so I can get my shotgun." Wrex grumped.

Shepard wondered how to handle this. It was best to leave these things to the experts, even if he wanted to doubt the circumstances. However, Ashley's answer was the only one they had to work with. Besides, they were in fact heading towards Jump Zero where he was certain the certain lieutenant would be stationed. Shepard sighed.

"All right, we have no choice. Garrus, give the lieutenant a call."

"Will do." Garrus answered, activating the proper application on his omni-tool. Within a few moments, a pickup signal emitted from his equipment.

"Lieutenant Lucas Von Seraph. How can I help you _again_, Garrus?" Lucas' not so enthusiastic reply came over the signal.

"Thank you for answering, Lieutenant. I have a strange question for you." Garrus started.

"I'm sure you do but I want to hope I've heard weirder. What is it?" Lucas asked.

"Have you done an exorcism?"

"...No. Do I even want to ask why you're asking this?" Lucas inquired.

"Do you know how its done?" Garrus pressed.

"I was trained in the ritual, yes. Is there I way I can interest you in another topic?"

"Can you do an exorcism for us? We got something here that we think is possessed." Garrus answered.

"Garrus, this thing cannot be done frivolously. We must eliminate any and all other options before we even want to consider the possibility of possible demonic possession." Lucas answered sternly.

"We kind of did that already." Garrus admitted.

"I have a feeling you're not going to leave me alone until I at least inspect this situation for you." Lucas replied.

"Well regardless, we're headed to Jump Zero." Garrus replied. All he heard was the lieutenant let out a very long sigh.

--

The lieutenant decided he would at least humor them but only a little bit. He showed up with a large crucifix, a bottle of holy water and a Bible. He considered wearing full battle armor in light of the people who would be nearby but decided he didn't want to be overly obvious of his nervousness around them. He settled for his usual dark military clothing with an overcoat.

Shepard, knowing that he was responsible for the safety of his crew, was still stewing over this decision. He had to be smart no matter what. However, with no other solution in sight, they might as well start with this one. Besides, two people had already gotten hurt. Finally, he knew he was no expert in this. Might as well let the lieutenant take over on this one. He was studying to be a priest at one point, right?

"So...who's the person in question?" Lucas asked the commander.

"It's actually what." Shepard corrected.

"Really? This just gets more interesting. Show me." Lucas replied. He was walked over to the locker.

"This...locker is possessed?" Lucas asked skeptically. Ashley nodded. Everyone else just stared at him blankly.

"What made you arrive to this conclusion?" Lucas inquired carefully. The locker suddenly started growling and hissing at him. The lieutenant took a step back.

"That...and also these." Shepard answered, showing both his scabbed up arm and Wrex's.

"And the crates that got mysteriously moved around." Garrus added.

"Hmm...there has got to be a better explanation to this." Lucas stated.

"That's what we said!" Ashley cried. Everyone was starting to get frustrated with this. Lucas held up both hands to calm her.

"Hold on...hold on...I didn't say you all were crazy. I never once have." Lucas stated. Cautiously, he walked back up to the locker and placed his ear next to it. He ignored the vicious growling and hissing coming from it.

"What...what are you doing? Is that some kind of ancient technique?" Garrus asked.

"Uh, I'm actually just trying to see if there's something other sound coming from the locker that we haven't heard." Lucas admitted.

"Hmmm..." Lucas rubbed his chin as he contemplated what to do next. Everyone else suddenly held their breaths. The lieutenant had carefully placed his crucifix and Bible on the floor but instead pulled out the bottle of holy water. What would he do next? A prayer? Some special incantations?

Ironically, Lucas simply and unceremoniously dumped the whole bottle into the locker.

The exorcism was instantaneous.

Liara screamed as a black shadow shot out of the locker and went straight for the lieutenant's face. Lucas yelled in apparent agony and immediately got into a struggle with his attacker. Everyone else started to take steps back. After all, something told them that modern weapons weren't exactly going to help in this situation.

And with one final yell, Lucas wrenched the shadow from his face and held it at arms length in the light. Their demon was finally revealed.

Hanging by the scruff of its neck to Lucas' angry grasp was a rather frenzied if disoriented black cat. Meanwhile, Lucas glared daggers at the rest of the crew before letting go of the animal. The cat, finally out in the open, simply ran past the others and perched itself on top of the Mako, continuing to hiss at them. Just as the cat scrambled by, Shepard noticed its collar drop off. There, engraved simply on the medallion was the name "Evil."

"Huh." Shepard murmured. Everything was falling into place.

His work done, Lucas wiped the blood out of his eyes and gathered his supplies. Before anyone could say anything, he had said something in Latin over the crew members, sprinkled some holy water, and made his way to the exit.

"So...what are we going to do with that cat?" Shepard asked. Lucas did not look at them but kept walking.

"Don't know, don't care. Go catch it yourself. Give to the pound. Keep it. Maybe you should give it a name. I think 'Shreck,' 'Faust,' 'Daimon,' or 'Manticore' would all suit nicely." Lucas stated before promptly leaving. The rest of crew could only stand in silence despite the hisses coming from the cat. It was Ashley who finally spoke up.

"Does anyone here also know Latin?"

"No, why?" Tali asked.

"I'm almost certain what he just said over us was, 'Begone you demons of idiotcy!'"


	24. Chapter 24

_Author's Note: Please forgive the long delay. Life has been busy. It is unfortunate that lately all I have been doing is spins, but for lack of better idea, here's a story. Many thanks to Mr. Snarks for sending one aspect of the plot idea. _

**Shepard's Inferno**

Commander Johannes Shepard was the first human spectre. Of course, it wasn't the only "first" he made in his carrier. One of the sorrier notes was actually puncturing a hole in the pharmaceutical drugs industry. Specifically, it was in regards to the drug "NeoValium." Normally, the drug was expected to treat numerous psychological disorders, the kind Shepard had a while back. What was not expected was the long term abuse of it. That was exactly what Shepard did. Since no further testing was done on the long period use of the drug, no one could have anticipated what was currently playing out on the _Normandy._

--

If the situation on the _Normandy_ was bad, it was nothing compared to what was going on in Shepard's throttled mind. Perhaps even soul. The problem was, although the _Normandy's _crew could figure out something was amiss in their fallen commander, there was little he could do to communicate with them.

"Well, that's a sorry sight." Ashley shrugged over the sprawled out body of Shepard, lying by the mess table. It was Garrus who found Shepard first and called everyone over to assess the situation. It's just not every day you find a human lying out on the ground twitching with their eyes rolling erratically around in their head while they drooled out of their mouth.

"Shepard, are you all right?" Liara asked worriedly.

"He's been lying there for the past fifteen minutes at least. I don't think he's even capable of communicating with us." Tali pointed out.

"You think we should move him to the med bay?" Garrus suggested.

"Think? We probably should have done that in the first place." Ashley retorted.

"Come to think of it, why didn't we?" Tali asked.

"Because you're all a bunch of sissies and started arguing when you all got here." Wrex grumped. Everyone ignored him because he was mostly right. They were arguing about what to do with Shepard when they all first got there.

--

Shepard had always been told that in the event things went black for a moment or if he abruptly and unexpectedly found himself in a dark place with a light shining, he was by no means to go towards the light.

Unfortunately, there was little he could do when he was already _in_ the light.

"_**Shepard, called Johannes…"**_an extremely eerie and chilling voice spoke to him from behind. He felt the most violent shivers he ever experienced go barreling up and down his spine. The commander quickly turned around to find a rather pale and thin man staring at him.

Shepard found that this man wore an all black tuxedo. From the stranger's polished, smooth leather shoes down to his black dress coat and neatly folded tie, he stood in extreme contrast to his bleached pale skin and the surrounding, comforting white light. As if prepared for all the illumination, the man had a matching pair of slim but pitch dark sunglasses. There was one final jarring thing about this stranger; he had the widest and most certain grin Shepard had ever seen on a person.

"I…do I know you?" Shepard asked cautiously.

_**"You know me very well. I have often followed you. In fact, you have invited many to my presence and have kept me very busy. Alas, for all the time I spent around you, it is only now that you will get to know me personally. In your defense, it would have been hard for you to interact with me more had you tried to earlier." **_The stranger answered with a chilling voice that seemed to lack life and yet Shepard could hear a disturbance in his speech, as if the newcomer expelled too much air when he spoke.

"Um…forgive me but I think you must be mistaken. I don't think I've ever seen you." Shepard replied honestly. The stranger continued on with his confounding, confident grin.

_**"I have a tendency to be overlooked…" **_

"Oh. Okay. Well, I suppose I might as well formally introduce myself. As you probably know, I'm Commander Shepard." The soldier stated, trying to be diplomatic. He offered his hand to shake the other, though secretly the whole act was done in bravado. There was something about this whole thing that was starting to give him the creeps.

_**"You may call me Thanatos." **_The stranger in black replied in his breathy voice, returning the hand shake. Shepard tried to suppress a wince. Other than being ice cold, the man's hand seemed to be too thin underneath his leather black gloves. Shepard wondered if the man was all bones and didn't have any flesh on him.

"Thanatos? That's a peculiar name." Shepard sputtered, this time unable to check his honest thoughts.

_**"It is an old name. However, there is a more modern equivalent. You may call me by that if you will." **_The stranger offered.

"Okay, let's hear it." Shepard answered. Then, without missing a beat, without even flinching in his perpetual grin, the stranger removed his dark glasses. Shepard's mouth dropped as he nearly died of fright. Now he understood why the man always grinned and why he was as thin as bones. The man really was all bones. Instead of eyes, Shepard found himself staring into the empty eye sockets of a bleached skull.

_**"Lately I've been going by the name 'Death.'" **_

**--**

Dr. Chakwas was not sure what to do. All of the commander's vitals skipped from periods of "normal" to "near death" and yet all the while the man twitched, shivered and trembled without change on her medical table. When he was normal his outward condition did not seem to improve. When his vitals showed he was approaching death, the violence of his condition did not slack.

"Have you found anything?" Ashley asked in worry.

"No. All my tests show that he's perfectly normal." The doctor admitted.

"Does this look normal to you?" Ashley retorted.

"Maybe after an Asari mind meld." Tali offered. Liara shot her a death glare.

"I'm just saying!" Tali defended.

"Right now is not the time to argue. Chakwas, continue on with your examinations. Liara, you're the next most skilled medic on this ship. Give Chakwas a hand." Garrus ordered, naturally seeming to take command.

"I'm no doctor, but I don't think talking to yourself is a good sign." Wrex murmured.

"What do you mean?" Ashley asked. The big Krogan pointed at Shepard's body. He was muttering something in desperate whispers. Ashley put her ear next to his mouth to listen.

"What is he saying?" Garrus asked. Ashley blinked in disbelief as she repeated what he said.

"Death…death…hell…gates of hell…"

"Well, that's an even better improvement." Wrex muttered sarcastically. Everyone once again stared at each other as if holding a mental conference. Chakwas and Liara immediately started working at a furious rate.

"I'll send out the call." Garrus announced, hitting a well worn entry in his omni-tool's phonebook.

--

"What…in…the…hell…" Shepard blathered.

_**"Well to be exact, you're outside of it." **_Thanatos corrected. There before Shepard was a foreboding iron door, the metal corroded and charred. Grotesquely etched above the door were archaic words, the letters just barely intelligible and yet their every meaning sunk like ice in Shepard's stomach.

I AM THE WAY INTO THE CITY OF WOE

I AM THE WAY INTO ETERNAL SUFFERING

I AM THE WAY TO A LOST PEOPLE

JUSTICE MOVED MY ARCITECT

MY MAKER WAS DIVINE POWER

ULTIMATE WISDOM

AND PRIMAL LOVE

BEFORE ME NOTHING BUT THE ETERNAL WERE

AND BEYOND ETERNITY I STAND

ABANDON ALL HOPE

YE WHO ENTER HERE

_**"I swear, they need to update that. You don't know how many idiots I get these days that can't understand that dialect." **_Thanatos complained.

"I…uh…I'm…uh…" Shepard sputtered.

_**"Ah yes. I must not keep you waiting. Follow me."**_ Thanatos placed his arm on Shepard's shoulder and urged him towards the door. Shepard nearly fainted when the door started to grind open, the whine of the metal hinges screaming under the ages of time.

And then Shepard walked into a place that surprisingly reminded him of the presidium.

"Wha- wha- what!?" Shepard sputtered.

There were the same polished floors, the white marble, and the quiet serenity of the Citadel right here. The only differences being was that the lighting was a bit off and small open fires burned in odd places. Otherwise, the people he saw here shuffled around listlessly as if their minds were perpetually blank. That was when he also noticed that a lot of the people were being pushed and unceremoniously tossed around by keepers who mopped them up like so much garbage. Even more annoying was that voice.

"Welcome to limbo! Allow me to be your guide!" Never more chilling was that oh so eager voice of Avina popping around at random VI terminals. In fact, she seemed one step ahead of all the crowds of desperate people trying to get information, though it seemed that many had simply given up to either stand around in shock. Either that or get mopped up by the keepers.

_**"A great many of the indecisive are here. People who squandered their lives, too fearful to make any decision. Their wasted lives spent, any virtue they may have done corrupted by questionable lack of action from either cowardice or sloth." **_Thanatos explained, continuing to lead Shepard past the crowds. As if on cue, he passed a familiar trio, the Turian, Asari and Salarian that had sat on the Council. They were being buffeted about by a keeper.

_**"Meet Charon, who will bring us to Hell Proper." **_Thanatos replied and before Shepard could protest, he found himself shoved past another pair of doors and into…an elevator. With a polite ring, the elevator started to descend at an awfully familiar rate.

"Uh…you know. This is about as slow as the elevator on the _Normandy_." Shepard managed to comment.

_**"Um…"**_ was all Thanatos could manage before shrugging.

--

"What do you mean you can't get a hold of him?" Ashley demanded. Garrus shrugged uncomfortably in his helpless state. After all, this wasn't exactly his fault.

"I only got a voice message. Lieutenant Von Seraph is out of his office." The Turian announced.

"Well look, he's the only one we know that will keep this quiet and has an idea on what medication Shepard was on, as well as any other treatment or things that he received. I'm pretty sure that's why he's in this state right now. As for all his mumbling about 'hell' and the 'grave,' you had better get the Lieutenant through any means. Now!" Ashley snapped.

"I'll see what I can do." Garrus sighed. Lacking anything better to do, Tali snuck up next to Garrus and peeked over his shoulder as he started to work his technical magic.

"What are you going to do?" Tali asked.

"Well, I figure if his office isn't working, he's probably on a special mission. Perhaps I can contact him through his hardsuit." Garrus suggested.

"Did you ever think that he might be on vacation?" Tali suggested.

"Um. No." Garrus stated.

"Well, he's only human. Humans need vacations sometimes." The Quarian said.

"Let's not go there yet. As a matter of fact…yes, I gained access to his HUD! He's out there somewhere." Garrus announced.

"The video is coming up right…now." Tali observed. The two immediately fell silent at what they saw. Clearly, Lucas was in fact in the middle of a special forces mission.

From the camera, they could see that he was huffing and puffing through a battered and desolate landscape. Up in front of him in black armor, an Asari, Turian and another human ran desperately towards an unseen objective. From the side of the camera's vision, they could see a Turian's foot talons dangling over Lucas' shoulder. Was he carrying a body?

"We'll never make it!" the Asari cried.

"Shut up, we have no choice!" Lucas yelled in desperation.

"The ship isn't here and even if they do make it, the blasts will probably take out the ship." The Asari snapped.

"We're not dead yet!" Lucas growled. Then they heard him muttering into his helmet.

"My God, my God, you got me through this once, get us out of here again…"

"ICBM detonations imminent. We only have a few more seconds, Lieutenant." The other human announced.

"How many more seconds?" Lucas demanded.

"Unsure. My sensors cannot get a fix."

"_Shiloh, _where are you!?" Lucas yelled into his communications array.

"Approaching your location. You better get on board quickly."

"You better get here quickly!"

Suddenly a large ship appeared from overhead, appearing to be a regular frigate class ship.

"Come on, move!" Lucas yelled. The others started to run towards the open ramp when they suddenly saw the HUD's camera rattle violently as a series of heavy explosions consumed the video feed. Several flashes of blinding light streamed through the video. They only saw Lucas turning to the side to see the horizon.

There in the distance of whatever world he was on, several mushroom clouds were rising in the sky as numerous approaching shockwaves clearly plowed towards their direction.

"They've detonated! The nuclear warheads, they've landed! Get on board the bloody ship now!"

And the video suddenly ended in a burst of static.

Tali and Garrus continued to stare dumbfounded.

--

Overall, hell was not exactly what Shepard was expecting. He really tried to ignore the circles for lust and gluttony. (He really did not want to make eye contact with the Consort in the former. He really didn't know anyone in the latter but he wondered if it had more to do with the fact that he was utterly terrified of the three headed Thresher Maw guarding the place.) The circle for greed was mostly composed of frenzied people clamoring over each other like so many violent brokers on the trading floor. Unfortunately, though all tried to save their credits, they did not seem to notice an ongoing computer virus inflated and contracted the numbers at an agonizing rate. On the upside, Shepard was not sure just how much pain could be inflicted through a Volus' atmospheric suit.

As for the circle for anger, the river Styx ran through with blood and motor oil. He was surprised to see a lot of Geth sloshing around in it. (Which would explain the motor oil.) Thanatos also explained that all of the Geth had their software running on a certain platform called "Windows ME." Thanatos also informed him that they already had an opening for Wrex down there when he finally decided to kick the bucket.

_**"I used to follow that giant bullfrog all the time, but after a couple centuries I gave up and decided he'd come to me when he's good and ready." **_Thanatos grumbled. Shepard couldn't decide who he would be more concerned for, Thanatos or Wrex.

And on and on the circles of hell went until they finally reached the bottom. The ninth circle of hell reserved for the betrayers and traitors. Shepard was astonished at what he saw. The whole area was covered in ice. Thrashing around in the watery frost was a giant machine. Clearly, the electronics were in a constant state of short circuiting and it was a wonder it had not exploded yet. Shepard let his mouth drop when he suddenly realized what it was.

"Is that…Sovereign?"  
_**"Yes…we had DOS uploaded into him. He spends all day trying to order his parts about only to be told the command name is not recognized. By the time he figures out how to get the command line down and write in what needs to be done, he finds out he has exceeded the number of characters he can put in." **_Thanatos explained. Shepard shivered in the silence and decided to man up.

"Well…I don't think you brought me here to give me a tour. What did I do exactly to end up here at the bottom?" Shepard asked. Thanatos never once flinched from his eternal grin.

_**"We're not done yet. There's one more place." **_And with that, Thanatos lead him through another door and into a familiar yet blinding light.

--

"Everyone! He's waking up!" Chakwas announced. The rest of the crew rushed around the Commander's bed to find the man darting his eyes back and forth, his mouth agape.

"Shepard, welcome!" Liara cried. Shepard only replied with an epiphany.

"I knew it! I should have seen this coming all along! Of course this is the last place!"

* * *

_Author's note: Wait, was that a spoiler on the upcoming Retrovirus sequel up there? _


	25. Chapter 25

_Author's Note Please note, **spoilers** are contained below. You have been warned. What belongs to Bioware render to Bioware._

* * *

London was burning.

The skies were aglow with countless stars despite the blanket of the night. Far above them, some of those lights were the innumerable ships that Shepard had herded together from every race of the galaxy to fight in one last battle. That armada, a new constellation in the sky, was a monument to the man himself. The Geth and Quarians were there alongside Turians, Asari and Salarians. The remnant of the Batarian fleet had joined in while numerous ships brought the otherwise planet locked Krogan. All were ready to fight. Some had lost their homes, many had lost someone they loved, all of them stood to lose everything if they did not win here.

And the Reapers were loathed to let these upstart children win. Fight, kick, flail and scream they would, like countless others before them. Still, the cycle was unending. Countless others had fought and tried, each Reaper in the night sky another monument to their victory and the failure of a race now extinct.

But hope endured. Fragile and dim was the glow of hope but hope endured nonetheless. Organics clung to it. The Geth admired it. Shepard defiantly was demanding it.

They just had to hold the line.

Somewhere under London's burning skies, Garrus, Tali, Liara, Javik, EDI, Wrex and countless Alliance marines maintained a desperate struggle against the demons from the night. Ashley and James had gone on with Shepard to get to the beam that would transport them to the Citadel. Everyone else needed to hold the line. They needed to buy Hammer, and Shepard, time. The more pressure they exerted here, the more forces the Reapers needed to apply at their location. That meant less Reaper forces to harass Hammer and Shepard.

Oddly enough, a Geth Prime got separated from the rest of its group during an airdrop and had joined forces with them. For now, they were just calling him "Prime."

"What's the matter, Garrus? Are you losing your edge? I'm pretty sure the machine over there is starting to catch up on your kill count!" Wrex roared in jest as he smashed a cannibal's face in.

"That's where you're wrong, my Krogan friend. You just can't see all the kills I've made. They're too far out of your line of sight." Garrus retorted just before his rifle barked.

"That's not a real fight, you got to beat them down with your bare hands!" Wrex guffawed.

"I headbutted a missile and won. I think I got this hand to hand thing down." Garrus replied.

"This is not sport, you need to focus on the matter at hand!" Javik scolded before the beam of his gun cut a swath in the darkness.

"Most of the members on Shepard's team do not act normally in combat situations. This banter is actually _improving_ their performance." EDI noted, ducking behind cover.

"Most of Shepard's team do not act normally _ever_." Liara murmured.

Prime was silently wondering why organics insisted on filling audio conversation to everything.

Suddenly, there was the roar of an approaching vehicle. Reinforcements had arrived. However, instead of the typical blue armor of the Alliance, dark clad soldiers armed with non-conventional and heavily modified weapons stepped out. One of them, his dark armor covered in an urban camo pattern, fired his Viper sniper rifle before taking cover beside Garrus.

The Turian took a moment to glance at the man before squinting at him even harder.

"Lieutenant Von Seraph? Is that you?"

"...Oh God, of course I'd bump into the biggest flying loony bin in the most important fight of my life." Von Seraph sputtered.

"I heard that!" Liara snapped.

"Haha, that's exactly what I said earlier!" Wrex laughed.

Tali, who had been silent this whole time, fired a drone at their enemies before deciding to join in the conversation.

"We haven't seen you in awhile, Lieutenant." Tali said.

"That's not really my rank anymore. I signed on with some independent contractors." Von Seraph admitted.

"That's just a fancy way of saying 'mercs'" Garrus snorted.

"Hey, it's what all the cool kids where doing a couple months ago. Ahem." Von Seraph coughed sarcastically.

"I believe he's referring to us being enlisted by Cerberus." EDI pointed out.

"Ironic, the Reapers are here again and yet we can still talk about grudges." Javik murmured.

"So who's the bug guy with four eyes?" Von Seraph asked.

"He's a Prothean. Real disappointment." Liara answered.

"Haha, no, really, who is he?" Von Seraph chuckled skeptically.

"I am Prothean. You may call me 'Javik'" Javik asserted.

"...If we survive this, promise me right now that you won't go to me for therapy. Promise me, _right now!_" Von Seraph shouted.

"Oh come on, human. It wasn't so bad. We all had plenty of fun hanging out with Shepard all these years." Wrex defended.

"I am sure none have had an adventure quite like this." Liara nodded.

"Hmm, I am sure the antics were a bit...humorous." Javik murmured.

"And think of all the ridiculous love triangles...or quadrilaterals...hexagons?" Tali shrugged.

"And even you have to admit, Von Seraph, it was indeed quite philosophical." Garrus nodded.

"Good point, good point. It wasn't easy getting here but by all that is good in the universe, we probably had the time of our lives. We made a lot of hard decisions but we would not have had them any other way." Von Seraph nodded.

Suddenly the radio crackled.

"_Hammer is wiped out! I repeat, Hammer is decimated!" _

"_Is there anyone left?" _

"_Negative! Hammer is gone! All units, retreat!" _

The group stared at each other aghast, oblivious to the gunfire around them. Not a word was spoken, only a shared horror of what they had just heard. Could it be? Had they...failed?

"What do we do?" Tali asked.

"It can't be! We didn't go all this way just to fail now!" Liara shouted.

"Stand your ground!" Garrus asserted though the muscles on his face were strained from an eternal struggle.

"All right you Pyjaks, you can't tell me Shepard didn't have a quad. We will hold this line because knowing that crazy bastard, he's still alive and he's going to rip those Reapers a new one. Stay here and fight!" Wrex roared.

"We can't give up. Shepard would not have wanted you to despair. Keep fighting!" Von Seraph agreed.

The stared in silence as a giant roach form loomed high above them with a resounding boom. Staring at the Reaper that was no doubt staring back down at them, a surreal feeling descended on all of them.

"Keelah...is that...is that..."  
"Harbinger!" Liara screamed.

"Retreat would be a viable option." Prime decided to announce.

* * *

Shepard woke up. It had been grueling to say the least and he was not quite sure how he was still alive. Granted, he had died, got spaced, burned up in atmo and crashed into a planet surface only to be revived after two years. Still, getting all but hit by a Reaper beam? He was quite in disbelief that he had all his limbs.

And it hurt like hell that Anderson was gone. And he almost felt bad for that Marauder he toasted before he got to the beam. One lone Marauder who had given everything he had. It wasn't enough.

Where was he?

"Wake up." a unearthly voice told him.

Shepard brought his eyes away from the panoramic view of the glass showing earth and the battle still raging between the allied ships and the Reapers. Letting his eyes focus, he saw a ghostly, glowing...child? The child from his dreams? But it looked like a VI image.

"Who...who are you?" Shepard let out.

"I am the Catalyst." the Catalyst announced.

"_Well...this is unexpected." _Shepard thought.

"I need to stop the Reapers. Can you help me?" Shepard asked, voice hoarse and laden with exhaustion.

"Perhaps. They are my solution." the Catalyst explained.

"Solution? Solution to what?" Shepard gasped.

"Chaos."

* * *

The _Normandy_ group was running as fast as they could, beams of angry red flying around them as _Harbinger_ pummeled them with furious strikes.

"By my ancestors, why doesn't your stupid planet have a giant maw we could summon?" Wrex complained, rubble flying around them.

"Not all of us are blessed to live with a giant, ticked off worm under our feet!" Von Seraph shouted.

"This is not good, this is not good!" Tali shrieked as a beam scorched a path right beside them.

"You think there's still a good ending at all of this?" Garrus called, sprinting as fast as he could.

"What? Like predestination? The belief that all events are written, preordained and cannot be changed? God, I hope if that's true then there's a good writer behind all of this." Von Seraph panted.

"Minimal effort into talking will improve chances of survival by .00001 percent." Prime announced.

"...The Geth is correct." EDI agreed.

"Leave it to machines to take all the fun out of something." Wrex grumbled.

"Wherever we go, whatever happens, there is always an end to something. Good or bad, no matter how big the galactic scale, an end will come. It's just a matter of going to that end with grace and accepting it when it comes." Von Seraph panted, trying to keep up.

"You think there's any grace dying from a giant pissed of roach firing lasers at you?" Garrus snapped.

"It's happened before." Javik shrugged.

* * *

"This is our solution. The created will always rebel against their creators. We harvest the advance civilizations and store them in Reaper form, allowing the younger races to develop so they are not destroyed by synthetics." the Catalyst explained before showing Shepard to two, giant columns with a glowing beam between the two of them.

Shepard listened as the ghostly Catalyst explained all his options. Destroying the Reapers would destroy all synthetic life, quite possibly himself too because of his cybernetics. He could control the Reapers himself, despite the fact that the Catalyst already controlled them, though he would get consumed in the process. And then there was synthesis, sacrificing himself so that machine and organisms would be merged into a hybrid DNA.

"The paths will remain open to you, but you have a tough decision." the Catalyst said.

Shepard only nodded and gazed as the three great beams of light. He looked up above him and saw the drama of life and death going on around him, strangely serene when separated from the noise and the horror.

And then, unexpectedly, Shepard started laughing. Hysterically.

The Catalyst was not amused.

"What? What are you laughing?" the Catalyst demanded.

Laughing so hard tears were being squeezed from his eyes, Shepard salvaged what was left of his omni-tool and stumbled about his audio recordings. Very soon, several old logs were being played.

"_Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touched my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding...We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure." _Sovereign's voice chimed from all those years back.

The room briefly lit up as yet another Reaper bit the dust.

"And...after all of that...ahaha...hehehehehehe...ahahaha...here I was thinking...you'd explain something...hehehehehe...truly profound..." Shepard could not collect himself.

The Catalyst folded his arms in front of him in disapproval.

"Wait, wait...this is too good, I need to share this with everyone!" Shepard giggled as he turned on his radio. After all, he was just speaking with Hackett.

It took only a couple minutes but before long, every single ship, soldier, vehicle or person with access to a radio was listening in on the largest broadcast ever. That also included the Reapers.

"Haha, and get this, get this, he tells me the Mass Relays will be _destroyed_ no matter which option I choose! Hahahaha!" Shepard laughed hysterically.

Understandably, all the Batarians started freaking out as their ships fell out of formation.

"I'm just glad you contacted us on the radio, Commander. I was being filled with the inexplicable urge to bug out and go fly on a mass relay." Joker admitted.

"But this is just the dumbest thing! Listen to this kid! It's the logic of an synthetic! _All organics are chaos, we must impose order, so I created synthetics to destroy organics so synthetics don't destroy them!_" Shepard mocked in hysterics.

Prime, who had been silent, suddenly started glowing a different color as the entire Geth consensus rose up to speak out. Their voices were many and loud.

"We are offended. We are synthetics and this logic has none whatsoever." Prime spoke with the voice of millions.

Admiral Xen suddenly was on the radio.

"Wait, wait, but we just got the Geth to work with us again. They were practically tripping over each other to help us get set up on Rannoch."

Both Quarian and Geth voices were agreeing over the broadcast. Another voice, belonging to Admiral Raan, made up another point.

"Don't you dare choose synthesis. We're just getting used to biological disease. You mean to tell me we're going to have to worry about computer viruses as well?" Raan protested.

"Yeah, I'm quite attached to my body despite its silly hormones and frailty and desires for companionship and love. Organic bodies are a little more conducive to hugging. Just saying." Garrus shrugged.

"Whoever would have thought that a synthetic would be so...stupid." Wrex grumbled.

"Watch your generalizations, Wrex." EDI scolded.

Von Seraph, who had been quiet, was staring in awe behind him.

"Guys...am...am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?" Von Seraph sputtered.

The others turned around and followed his gaze. It was not hard to miss. It was just a matter of coming to terms with it.

"Is...is that really..." Liara could not find it in her to finish the sentence.

"But...but...it couldn't be...any other..." Tali was also rendered speechless.

"Is Harbinger face palming?" Von Seraph finished.

Sure enough, one metallic tentacle was plastered to where its forehead might be.

"_**You now understand why we stuck with the grandiose language. It was easier to threaten vaguely than trying to explain the truth." **_Harbinger's all consuming voice broke the sky.

"Hahahahaha...this kid, he's killing me!" Shepard was _still _laughing over the radio.

And quite suddenly, Harbinger buckled under its feet and the giant Reaper crashed into the earth, its lights flickering before growing dark. In the distance, booming rumbles split the air as more and more Reapers also collapsed. Overhead, the distant lights of starships fell silent.

"Is it just me or are all the Reapers suddenly...dying?" Liara asked.

EDI, who had been silent, triple checked her findings before explaining what was going on.

"That would be the sound of Reapers _dying of embarrassment._"

"...So...stupid." Javik grumbled disgustedly.

And somewhere on the Citadel, Shepard was howling with laughter.

"After all this time? Hahahahahaha! I kept looking for a bigger gun but all I needed was to show them fifth graders had more logic than their boss? HAHHAHAHAHHAHA! This is even better than trying to trick them into dividing by zero! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Listening to Shepard have yet _another_ meltdown back on Earth, Garrus looked over at Von Seraph.

"You absolutely sure you don't want to take a look at him?" Garrus asked.

"I'm just glad to get a good ending." Von Seraph replied, staring up at the stars.

* * *

_Author's Note: All right, lets get past what might be the more obvious questions.  
Q: Holy crap, you got back to this?  
A: I know, right? _

_Q: But what about ME2? you missed all of that!  
A: My funny bone hasn't been working lately with all the work to be done and a book I'm actually trying to publish_

_Q: But will you work on this some more, do more ME3 and 2 stuff?  
A: Maybe. Depends on if inspiration comes back, and maybe what Bioware does.  
Q: So did you have a reason behind dusting this off just to make a crack at the end?  
A: Yes. It's clear most of us have been turned off by the ending. Lets not let that make us forget that wonderful fun we had all those years just because of the last ten minutes of the game. Bioware claims they are listening and they are trying to address the issues. If the ending left you feeling cold, I'd encourage you to gather your thoughts and then decide if you want to positively respond to that. I'd encourage you to constructively, diplomatically, pick the blue option and give Bioware your opinion on how to improve this if that is your opinion. _


End file.
